


Something Has Got to Give

by Cathwren



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alpha Hunk, Alpha Shiro (Voltron), Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Amnesia, Beta Keith, Canon-Typical Violence, Eventual Shklance, Eventual Smut, Everyone is there, Explicit Sexual Content, Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Flashbacks, Heavy Shance, Implied Shance, Implied/Referenced Blow Jobs, Lance repressing his feelings, Langst, M/M, Masturbation, Mating Bites, Mating Bond, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Omega Lance (Voltron), Omega Verse, SHEITH - Freeform, klance, shance, shklance - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-25
Updated: 2018-05-19
Packaged: 2018-12-19 21:30:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 47,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11906586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cathwren/pseuds/Cathwren
Summary: Lance's chest ached and he listened as the locker room door swung shut before he slowly turned his head to look at the bond mark sitting just at the edge of his peripheral vision on his neck. His fingers traced it, knowing the shape by heart.Shiro had bonded him nearly three years ago.Shiro didn’t remember.





	1. Chapter 1

“Great work today, Keith!” Shiro called from where he was stretching out on one of the gym mats, his dalmatian hair sweaty and flopping down across his forehead. Keith gave the leader a small smile, flicking a wave as he headed towards the showers. 

 

Their training had been relatively light that afternoon, the team still recovering from an intense mission the evening before; no one wanted to risk soreness or exhaustion. Or at least they  _ shouldn't  _ want to. But Lance heard Shiro's soft compliment, the one directed towards Keith, and he turned back to the punching bag, tightening the wraps around his knuckles. 

 

_ Thunk. Thunk. Thunk.  _

 

Three punches landed home, fast and hard. Usually he would swim laps in the castle’s luxurious basement pool to release the burning tension, but proximity won over ease. 

 

_ Thunk.  _

 

_ “ _ Hey, Lance,” Shiro had moved up from the mat to stand nearby, only just out of reach of the punching bag. 

 

_ Thunk. Thunk. Whack.  _

 

“Lance,” the voice was a touch sterner, and the blue paladin picked up on the faint scent of alpha pheromones, something so familiar to him that it made him ache.

 

His hands dropped from their protective position by his face and he took a second to close his eyes and breathe before he forced a suave smile. 

 

“How can I help you, bro?”

 

“You should stop and get some rest. You worked hard today, you've earned a break,” the words were accompanied by a friendly, professional clap on the back, but Lance wanted to collapse at the feel of the too-brief moment of Shiro’s hand between his shoulder blades. 

 

“Yeah, I know. I was pretty fabulous,” he flashed his stunning McClain grin and ignored the vertigo-like swoop in his chest as his heart and his biology called to the alpha standing next to him. “I'll cool down in a sec, I just want to practice giving Zarkon the old Blue Lion beat down." 

 

“Right,” Shiro laughed, pulling his hand away and stopping the gentle swaying of the punching bag. Lance immediately missed the noise of the chain clinking in wobbly swings. “I'll see you at dinner, Lance.” 

 

And then he was gone. Lance wished Hunk and Pidge hadn't been so motivated to hurry off after the practice session, he’d like the distraction of having them to talk to. But now that he was alone again he just sat and slowly unwound the finger wrappings Hunk had helped him tighten. His hands were sore from being clenched so tightly as he fought, a critique he'd gotten several times in the past few weeks. “Loosen up”. The thought seemed impossible. As much as he played suave with his team he hadn't truly relaxed in weeks. He hadn’t felt at ease in years, even before the mess with voltron started.

 

He forced himself to stand and head for the showers, lazily leaving his wrappings and bayard behind. He really was exhausted after the workout, Shiro was right about him needing to nap. He’d have to tell Hunk to wake him for dinner. 

 

Shiro's clothes were in a messy half-folded pile when he stepped into the warm tiled locker room, and he glanced down the row of stalls, seeing the leader's feet at the far end.  _ Great.  _ If Lance loved anything more than a good old fashioned sulk-shower, it was a sulk-shower when the person he was frustrated with was a dozen feet away.  _ Another stellar day for Lance McClain.  _

 

He peeled off his sweaty clothing and stuffed it into a hamper, hunching his shoulders in as he hurried naked to a nearby stall. 

 

The warm water eased the ache in his hands and in his neck and he slowly began to unravel, pushing all thoughts of the last few weeks aside and trying to think of the things that made him happiest.  _ Summer afternoons. Ice cream trucks. Going to the beach. Flannel pajama pants. Bad holiday music. S’mores. Shiro- _

 

_ Nope.  _ Lance opened his eyes. He was SO not going there. He switched tactics, thinking about his progress in training. He had added quite a bit of muscle to his lanky frame in the past month, and he was looking good. A little pale maybe, he should try to lay out in the sun next time the castle docked on a friendly planet with a sun. He also needed his hair cut. The way it was growing out was starting to resemble a certain red paladin’s a bit too much for his taste. He wanted to look good for-. For no one. For himself. 

 

He’d mostly forgotten Shiro was around but the squeak of a wet foot on rubber and then the rustle of a towel followed by clothing distracted him. With Shiro close again his scent was clear even through the steam of the hot water. He smelled delicious and safe and strong all at once. Everything Lance had known him to be. 

 

Everything Shiro still was. 

Everything Lance wasn’t supposed to understand so intimately.

 

His chest ached and he listened as the locker room door swung shut before he slowly turned his head to look at the bond mark sitting just at the edge of his peripheral vision on his neck. His fingers traced it, knowing the shape by heart. 

 

Shiro had bonded him nearly three years ago.

 

Shiro didn’t remember. 

 

* * *

 

“Hey Lance, Pidge and I created an adapter to hook up the game system from the space mall to the castle’s power. Do you want in? Pidge got some Zelda game with it,”

 

It was later that evening after everyone had cleaned up and had a little while to rest after their training, the continuing lack of attacks on the castle putting them all at ease. Almost all of them. Lance looked over at Hunk and gave the boy a grateful smile over his plate of space goo.

 

“Thanks,” he nodded, “yeah I’ll watch you guys play for a bit but I was going to do a hair mask.”

 

“I don’t care how soft your hair is Lance, I’m not going to teach you how to pick up girls,” Pidge complained, pointing a spoon at him with an aggressive arch of her eyebrow.

 

“Like I need your help,” Lance said, leaning dramatically to the side so he could make eyes at Allura, “Right princess?”

 

She ignored him and kept talking to Coran, not even looking his way as she distractedly fed the mice morsels of her food. Lance pretended to deflate.

 

“Right,” Keith said, looking blandly at the obnoxious omega. “Lance I thought we were going over your fights with the training gladiators today,” 

 

“Oh,” Lance had forgotten about the boy’s offer. “Right. I guess I’m just popular tonight,” he grinned. “Shiro did you want a slice of my time too?” he capped the statement off with a salacious wink. 

 

Shiro looked up from his food, his cheeks a touch pinker than a moment before.  _ Good.  _

 

“No, I don’t have anything to go over with you,” he shook his head. “You’re free to do what you like,”

 

_ That would be sexier if he’d said it as his alpha.  _ Lance missed their playful rules and being ordered around.  _ Damn it, Shiro. You just had to fly off and go missing and get space amnesia.  _

 

“Then I’m picking video games and spa night. Sorry Keith,” he waved his hand dismissively. 

 

Pidge grinned and adjusted her glasses. “Good because I’m ready to kick your ass,” she asserted. “Garrison fight night is back,” 

 

Keith looked at Pidge, Hunk, and Lance in confusion. “Garrison...fight night?”

 

“Our friend Jeff held mario kart tournaments and stuff every weekend back at the Garrison, Pidge took over after he graduated,” Hunk explained, “Mostly to humiliate his- her peers. But they were pretty epic. We held them after curfew in the common room,” 

 

Keith nodded, “Yeah I think I heard about them once,” he admitted. 

 

Shiro smiled, “They started up my senior year, I went a few times just to watch. And to make sure no one got into any trouble,”

 

Had Lance imagined the way Shiro’s eyes slid over to him? Did he remember Lance at all in that context? 

 

_ They were squeezed onto the biggest and most worn out couch in front of the common room tv, a crowd of two dozen or so boys in their pajamas packed onto old bean bag chairs and stools huddled around as the screen flashed with colorful images and corny sound effects. Lance was half on top of shiro, hunched forward to cheer on Hunk as he lost magnificently to one of the second year boys, Shiro’s hand surreptitiously against the small of the younger boy’s back.  _

 

_ “Aaah no slow down! Slow down!” everyone in the room laughed as Hunk ended his turn in a fiery mess, their cheers and hollering quieting when a senior keeping watch at the door waved at them to call down. Shiro stood from the couch. _

 

_ “Bed guys,” he said, picking up the remote and turning off the monitor. Their was good natured groaning and complaining all around, from Lance included. But then slowly and quietly they all started creeping back down the hall towards their dorms, Lance hanging back and helping Jeff pack up the equipment.  _

 

_ They giggled and chatted for a few minutes, Shiro hanging outside, and then Lance hugged his friends goodbye and stopped in the doorway. _

 

_ “Thanks for coming, I knew you’d have fun,” he smiled, nudging his elbow lightly into Shiro’s ribs. The boy smiled and shook his head affectionately down at Lance. _

 

_ “Yeah it was fun. Could get all of you written up, but fun,”  _

 

_ “What’s anything without a little danger,” he winked, “that’s why you like me, right?” _

 

_ “Right. You need to head to bed lance,” _

_ “Do I get a goodnight kiss?” _

 

_ Shiro looked longingly down at the boy, a hand coming up to shyly caress his cheek, thumb tapping his cheekbone thoughtfully. “Not here,” he said quietly, bending to press his cheek against Lance’s hair for a second as he pulled him into a hug. “You know the rules,” _

 

_ “The rules are idiotic,” _

 

_ “So is staying out this far past curfew to flirt with me,” _

 

_ “That’s never stopped me before,” _

 

_ “Goodnight lance,” _

 

_ “But-”  _

 

_ “Goodnight,” Shiro pulled away and gave the boy an exasperated shake of his head, eyes twinkling with humor. “Message me when you’re back to your room safe.” _

 

_ “It’s not like I’m going to be kidnapped along the way,” _

 

_ “Maybe I just like knowing that you’re in bed and thinking about me,” Shiro smirked, starting to walk backwards away from the boy, “Ever think about that?” _

 

_ “All the time,” Lance grinned, taking in his boyfriend’s handsome features for another long moment before turning away and heading towards his dorm block.  _

 

_ When he got back to his room and changed into his pajamas he found that a note had been slipped in his back pocket, probably while Lance was distracted watching the video game tournament.  _

 

_ ‘Date night tomorrow at 7?’  _

 

_ /// _

 

“And did we ever get into trouble? No,” Hunk grinned, “You were always so stressed about that freshman that year,” he stood to start collecting plates. Lance hurried to help, still trying to shake off the memory. Had there really been a time when Shiro looked at him like that? Like he was the most important thing in the room?

 

His eyes slid over to the older boy again, their eyes locking for a moment. Shiro gave Lance a bland inquisitive look, and the blue paladin looked at the floor.

 

“Shiro? Stressed?” Pidge asked in mock surprise, “Wow, I can’t believe I missed that. So strange to imagine. Shiro….stressed,”

Shiro waved away their teasing and grabbed glasses, Keith huffing in annoyance as he was left the only one eating. He shoved the rest of his food in his mouth and followed behind them all with a sour expression expression on his face, still chewing as they started the dishes. 

 

“Never have I ever kissed someone,” Pidge said triumphantly, holding up her hands and giving each paladin a daring look in return. Hunk rolled his eyes and put a finger down. So did Keith and Lance. Shiro laughed, but his fingers stayed up. “Shiro are you serious?” Pidge asked.

 

“Yeah,” Shiro shrugged, face coloring a touch. “I was busy in school,”

 

Lance stared at the carpet, heart sinking to the planet’s core.

 

It was a couple weeks later and they were all camped outside the castle, sent by Coran and Allura to do some bonding and to spend the night far enough to test their connections to their lions in the morning. Lance had suggested the game, something from grade school that he was appalled Keith had never played, and after a precursory round of ‘never have I ever’ with much arguing about whether fingers should be put down or lifted up, they’d settled in for a serious match. 

 

But suddenly it wasn’t fun anymore. 

 

“So busy that you never had time for a  _ kiss?”  _ Hunk gave Shiro a sad look, “Buddy that’s so sad, kissing is really great,”

 

“Hunk you once puked after a girl kissed you,” Lance said dryly, trying to keep the look of paralyzing heartbreak off his face. 

 

“It was enchilada day! It wasn’t her fault!” 

 

“Gross!” Pidge threw her empty water bottle at Hunk’s chest. 

 

The banter faded away in Lance’s mind for a moment and he hugged his knees tighter to his chest, stealing a glance at the black paladin, his alpha, and wondering how it was possible that he didn’t remember  _ anything.  _ Didn’t remember how many kisses they’d shared tangled in each other’s arms. 

 

_ “Shiro I’m ready for the test, I super promise, so can we like blow this popsicle stand and do something fun?” _

 

_ “No Lance,” Shiro ruffled the younger boys hair and shook his head, “I promised your academic advisor that I would keep you on course.” _

 

_ “I am on course! I’m just  _ bored,”  _ Lance complained, sagging in his desk chair and kicking his feet up by Shiro where he was seated on the small bed. “I get the material! I just didn’t want to write the essay. But I’ll take the exam and crush it and then you should sneak me off campus for that concert you’re going to friday night,” _

 

_ “How do you know about that,” Shiro crossed his arms, doing his best to look annoyed.  _

 

_ “I know everything that’s anything around here. Especially where cute alpha’s are involved,” he winked.  _

 

_ “Lance-”  _

 

_ “Look, I’m eighteen, so can you chillax for a second? I know you said no but like,” Lance sighed and sat up to give Shiro his best pout. “I can tell you like me too. And not just because I’m an omega. You totally laughed at the helicopter joke and literally no one laughs at the helicopter joke,” _

 

_ Shiro sighed and looked away, eyes trailing over the posters on the cadet’s wall. Star trek. Space Invaders. Contact. Alien. Top Gun.  _

 

_ “Shiro,” Lance reached out to tentatively touch his jaw, suddenly thankful for the closet-small dorm room, “Please? One date? And then if you really aren’t into me I swear I’ll-”  _

 

_ Warm lips pressed into his own, just for a second, the longest too-short second of his entire life,  and then Shiro was standing and pulling on his jacket. _

 

_ “Study,” he demanded, a lopsided smile playing on his mouth. “If you do well then we’ll see about Friday,” _

 

_ /// _

 

_ “ _ Maybe you kissed someone but you don’t remember,” Lance offered, keeping his eyes trained on the fire. Shiro frowned and shook his head.

 

“I...I don’t remember a lot of things from the past few years or from the Garrison. But I feel like I would remember something that important,” he said confidently. 

 

Lance’s chest felt like it was being filled with sand, every particle grating against heart muscle, weighing him down and churned up by stormy ocean waves. He could cry. He could scream. Nothing had ever been so painful to him than seeing Shiro’s face, blank as he asked Lance’s name back after the rescue, blank as Lance tried to make him remember something. Anything. 

 

Blank as Shiro’s memory of the boy he had said he loved.

 

“Never have I ever snorted milk out of my nose,” 

 

“Wow, wonder who that could be about,” Hunk glared.

 

“Never have I ever crashed an alien lion spaceship headfirst into a sand dune,”

 

“Shiro that’s cold,” 

 

“Hey, I’m just glad Keith and Lance are finally getting along,”

 

“Are not!” Lance said defensively. 

 

Keith gave the blue paladin an unreadable look and then stared back at their small campfire courtesy of Hunk. “My turn,” he muttered, eyes darting to Lance again.

 

“Never have I ever forgotten a bonding moment,”

 

“Hey!” Lance shot to his feet, the jacket he’d had draped across his knees like a blanket falling dangerously close to the open flames. Keith snatched it up with a glare.

 

“Sit down, Lance,” Shiro reprimanded softly, and the omega’s body obeyed before he could process the words, settling down again, temper gone. Keith passed him his jacket with an eyeroll. 

 

The game continued until the fire had dwindled down to a pile of softly burning embers, all of them slowly slouching and becoming increasingly horizontal as the sweet night air weighed heavy on their eyelids. Hunk was the first to go, curling onto his side with his pillow hugged to his chest. Keith followed soon after, facing Lance and resting his head on top of his arms. 

 

Lance glanced across the fire at Shiro, watching the orange light play across cheekbones and the silvery tissue of the scar on his nose. Pidge squinted at Lance, watching him watch Shiro. 

 

“I think Keith stole my pillow,” she complained, looking to the blue paladin. Lance grabbed the second pillow wedged half under Keith’s thigh and tossed it to Pidge. When he looked to Shiro again the boy had already laid down, dark clothing blending into the night. 

 

Pidge was still staring at him and he shifted, glancing at her. 

 

“What?”

 

“‘Night Lance,” she said cryptically, shifting over to prop her pillow against Hunk’s calves. 

 

Lance looked around at his little group, his miniature family, and then looked up at the unfamiliar stars overhead.

 

If he’d been asked at the Garrison where his home was, he would have said it was Shiro. But now, with the alpha sleeping only a few feet away, the sound of his breath more familiar than anything else on this alien planet, Lance thought that unbearably, that wasn’t true anymore. More than anything, he wanted to be under familiar constellations with his real family, and to have never known the black paladins name.

* * *

_ “Hey! Lance!” The Omega’s head whipped around, searching for his friend’s face in the crowd. He raised his gaze by a foot and saw Hunk trying to gently push past the crowd of students heading in the opposite direction. “Did you hear!?” _

 

_ “Everyone heard,” Lance said, forcing his voice calm. Already he felt lightheaded, like something was strangling him. “They cancelled classes. I need to go,” _

 

_ Hunk studied his friends face, easily seeing the panic and the desperation in his eyes. _

 

_ “Okay buddy. I’ll stop by later and we can get dinner together, okay?” _

 

_ “Yeah, yeah I’ll see you later Hunk,” the words were barely out of his mouth before he’d turned on his heel and was sprinting towards his dorm room again, tears pooling in his eyes and breath coming fast. _

 

_ Critical mission error--investigation underway--classified mission details--pilot thought to be the cause of craft failure--crew assumed dead. _

 

_ Crew assumed dead. Crew assumed dead.  _

 

_ The words pounded through the omega’s skull and it took two tries to force open his room’s door, unable to stand still long enough for the biometric scan. Finally it hissed open and he turned to the mirror, frantically stripping off his uniform as tears ran hot down his cheeks. The heavy jacket buttons seemed impossible to undo and the starched white shirt was tight and scratched at his skin. He ripped them off and then roughly yanked his thin undershirt to the side.  _

 

_ It was still there. _

 

_ His bond mark stood out dark against his tan skin and at the sight of it he felt everything in him crash down. _

 

_ Shiro was alive. Shiro had to be alive or his bondmark would be gone.  _

 

_ The tears still poured freely but in a way that filled him rather than hollowed him out. He wrapped his arms around his stomach and curled up on the bed, heavy with the knowledge that his bonded, his lover, was still out there somewhere. Far away but still breathing.  _

 

_ And he was the only one who could know. The realization made him sit up, looking into the mirror again.  _

 

_ Their relationship had been a secret, both of them worried about how it would look. Lance was a first year cadet, and Shiro was a fourth year lieutenant, and while there were no rules explicitly forbidding their relationship, the three year age and rank difference had been enough to convince them to keep it under wraps, especially since Shiro was a peer advisor for the younger classes. Lance would always have his abysmal marks in navigation to thank for their being introduced. _

 

_ So their bond had never been documented, no one knew that they were together. Even if Lance stormed Iverson’s office and showed him the bond, he had no way of proving it was Shiro’s bite and that therefore Shiro was still alive.  _

 

_ But he was.  _

 

_ Lance traced the scar, closing his eyes and imagining it was Shiro’s gentle hand caressing his neck. “Please be okay,” he breathed, “Please never leave me,” _

* * *

 

Lance woke with a small gasp, eyes blinking up into the grey mist of morning. He heard the sound of the paladin’s voices and the crackling of the fire which must have been stirred back to life, and he hid his face in his pillow for a second, the wound of the memory still raw in his chest. 

 

He heard Shiro’s voice to his right. 

 

“I’m going to go look for some more firewood. I’ll be back in a bit guys,”

 

Lance sat up enough to watch him leave, not able to even appreciate the graceful curve of his waist or the broad set of his shoulders. 

 

Shiro had come back. And Shiro had come back mostly safe.

But he was still leaving Lance every day.

  
  
  



	2. Chapter 2

 

More weeks passed, battles in far off planetary systems keeping everyone occupied and exhausted. Lance had little time to dwell on Shiro, focused on training and completing missions, Keith always hounding him on his form and making him run extra drills long after the other paladins had called it a night.

 

And just when he finally thought he had a chance to breathe, Allura had to go and ruin it. 

 

“Lance, You’ll be accompanying Shiro to the outer regions for the recon mission on the whereabouts of Zarkon’s home ship,” 

 

They were all gathered around the castle’s center console, dressed in their pajamas and grumpy at being woken up so early after being promised a rest day.

 

“What? Why me?” he groaned, rubbing at his eyes, hand coming away smudged in his night mask. 

 

“Lance, this is a privilege! The blue lion is most suited to the humid atmospheres in the Cortmal system, and your lion is a good size to house you and Shiro for the duration,” she explained dismissively, not looking at him as her thin fingers flew across one of the holographic maps. 

 

“Chin up, butterbean!” Coran chirped, turning to squeeze Lance’s shoulder.

 

“Buttercup,” Pidge corrected, hands still fiddling with whatever project she’d forfeited sleep for. 

 

“Buttercup,” Coran repeated easily, “We need your diplomatic skills on this mission as well! The Cortmals are known egoists, and they only respect those with true confidence and swagger!”

 

“You know the word swagger?” Pidge asked, raising a skeptical eyebrow. 

 

Hunk laughed. “Wait, so, you’re sending Lance because he’s vain?” 

 

“I’m not vain!” 

 

Shiro reached over and swiped a finger through some of the mask on Lance’s cheek, giving the mixture a dubious look, eyes flitting to Lance’s with a teasing twinkle. Lance blushed.

 

“Anyway,” Allura steered the team back on course, “Go get into your armor, both of you, you’re to represent team voltron and be back in two quintets,” 

 

Lance groaned, already dreading the idea of being cooped up in his lion with Shiro for two days. Under different circumstances that could be fun. Very fun. But he wasn’t sure he could handle prolonged close proximity with their leader while he made small talk and asked about his time in flight school as if he hadn’t been the one to take Lance’s virginity. 

 

Yikes.

 

Duty calls. 

 

Lance obediently turned away, going back to his room to put on his body suit and then his armor, packing extra clothing and toiletries for the mission. He looked longingly at the stray condom that had been in his wallet since before this mess had even begun and left it in the medicine cabinet. He so wasn’t getting laid anytime soon. 

 

When his room door hissed open, Shiro was already waiting in the hall, a pleasant smile on his face. 

 

“Hey Lance,” he reached out a hand, clearly offering to take his overnight bag. Lance’s grip on it tightened, the memory of that same gesture as he took Lance’s backpack from him a thousand times back in school rising to the forefront of his mind.

 

“Hey,” he smiled uncomfortably, pushing past him and heading towards the hanger. 

 

“Allura is sending us a report on the Cortmals so we can study up on their customs. Apparently we’re supposed to stay on their core world and used it as a home base while we look for any sign of Zarkon’s main fleet. But the atmosphere can’t support us very long, even with our helmets on, so we have to sleep in the lion.”

 

“Sounds cool. I guess I’m just being used for my looks, huh?” he joked halfheartedly. It was still too early for this. Why wasn’t there space coffee? He needed something with hazelnut or vanilla. Stat. 

 

“Actually I think they meant mostly your charm,” he said easily, not a trace of sarcasm or teasing in his voice, “My seriousness won’t be an asset here. I think that’s why we need you to come,”

 

Lance looked over at the older boy, still startled by the shock of white hair that interrupted his otherwise familiar profile. “Yeah?”

 

“Yeah,” 

 

They reached the exit bay of the ship, the blue lion welcoming Lance with a familiar purr. Lance patted her paw and climbed inside, wondering idly if Shiro was looking at his ass as he headed up the ramp.

 

Clearly a lot had changed between them, but Lance was hoping that no matter their relationship, and no matter the universe, Shiro still liked his butt. He had been through a lot. It was only fair. 

 

_ “Hey Shiro can you give me a hand?”  _

 

_ “Huh?” _

 

_ “Shiro?” Lance glanced over his shoulder, dropping his arm from where it was craned into the machinery in front of him, a small look of accusation pulling at his eyebrows. Shiro’s face was red. _

 

_ “Right. You needed the wrench,” _

 

_ “No. The pliers, please,” he said, studying the lieutenants blushing face, “What is it?”  _

 

_ “Nothing. Here you go, Lance,” he passed the pliers forward from where he was standing by the toolbox, Lance crouched on all fours on a small platform a few inches above as he worked on the old flier 8XC engine that had broken down. Lance accepted them, narrowing his eyes a little in realization. The way the platform was built put Shiro at eye level with his back.  _

 

_ “Are you...are you looking at my ass, lieutenant Shirogane?” _

 

_ Shiro’s head whipped around to stare at the opposite wall, the coloring distinct across his cheekbones. “N-no!”  _

 

_ “Are you sure?” a shit-eating grin slowly cracked across his face and he set down the pliers to swing his hips a little, leaning his weight back on his knees.  _

 

_ “Cadet!”  _

 

_ “Because that would be very inappropriate,” he mused, “Since you’re supposed to be teaching me how to rewire this,”  _

 

_ “Lance,” _

 

_ “And because you’re an alpha this could be seen as very predatory behavior, I’d hate to get you written up,” Lance looked over his shoulder again, still smiling, eyes sparkling in mirth. But Shiro was looking away, clearly embarrassed and frustrated. Lance wilted a little. _

 

_ Being careful of the platform, he turned around and hopped down, reaching out to tug at Shiro’s sleeve. _

 

_ “Hey I was just kidding Shiro, I don’t actually care, it happens a lot,” _

 

_ The older boy stiffened, studying Lance with a concerned look that was only slightly ruined by the blush still coloring his nose.  _

 

_ “It happens a lot?” _

 

_ “I mean, yeah,” Lance nodded, shoulders raising and then dropping casually. “I’m not interested in being on suppressants and just being an omega is enough to get the extra attention. And on top of that I’m pretty cute,” he winked.  _

 

_ “Lance, that’s not good,” Shiro looked towards the engine. “If there’s anything I or your other counseling peers or teachers can help with, please let us know. Your safety is the school’s priority.”  _

 

_ “It’s not like they try anything,” the younger boy said quickly, eyes wide and innocent, “I don’t want to get anyone in trouble,” _

 

_ “But you’re being leered at? By others? Because I-- I’m ashamed of it. It’s unacceptable and I fully understand if you don’t forgive me,”  _

 

_ “No, Shiro, really it’s fine,” Lance’s hand moved from the boy’s sleeve to his hand, sliding their fingers together with a small smile. “No one has done anything, least of all you. I...I like when you notice,” _

 

_ Shiro’s stern, removed face cracked into something that almost resembled affection. The cadet felt his pulse race a little faster and he took a confident step forward.  _

 

_ “I have to go. You’re technique looks good. Best of luck on the practical tomorrow,” Shiro stepped backwards, gesturing to the practice engine, face closing off again. The boy always seemed to hold himself back, as if there was a hard veneer between himself and everyone around him. Lance had desperately wanted to crack it open, to push through it and see what the quiet alpha was like when he wasn’t rigidly removed from all the people around him. _

 

_ “Oh. Okay, I’ll see you,” he nodded, flashing a playful pair of finger guns as Shiro started to turn away. “I hope you liked what you saw,”  _

 

_ The edge of a smile. A hint of amusement, maybe something more, and then he was faced away. _

 

_ “Right,” _

 

_ ///  _

 

“The blue lion has a lot more room than Black,” Shiro noted, stepping inside and looking around the dimly lit interior. Lance shrugged.

 

“I guess? I think it’s part of the leg thing. Hunk’s is really big too,”

 

Lance set his bag down and walked over to his pilot’s chair, yawning and then settling into it, the controls automatically fitting themselves into his hands. 

 

“Mind if I sit?” Shiro asked, pointing to the wide arm rest to his left. 

 

“No, go ahead, boss,” he smiled without much enthusiasm, suddenly exhausted once again by the idea of maintaining his bravado for so long without any break. But then Shiro smiled at him and something in him eased, the warm look as affectionate as one of their kisses. He’d forgotten how it felt to be looked at like that. 

 

The look disappeared as Shiro looked forward, watching through the cockpit’s glass as Lance maneuvered them out of the hanger and launched the lion into the air above the planet’s surface, bringing them into a steep swoop upward through the atmosphere. 

 

“She flies nice. You’ve got a good eye,” The black paladin complemented easily, looking around at the unfamiliar controls that were just a tad off from his own. 

 

They flew in silence for awhile, Lance easily navigating them through the wide expanse of space, steering clear of a small asteroid belt and pulling up the coordinates in the file Allura had sent to Blue. 

“Do you mind if I crash for a bit?” Shiro asked after a long time, standing and stretching his legs. Lance could hear some of the joints in his spine pop. 

 

“No. But I want a turn,” he frowned. “Allura interrupted my beauty sleep,”

 

“I’m sure she didn’t see it that way. And it’s not like you need it,” the leader rubbed one eye, still staring out the window.

 

Lance froze. Was that…. Was Shiro complimenting his looks? Did Shiro think he was cute? He felt a buzz of excitement thrill down his spine and he sat up a little straighter. Shiro turned and gave him a puzzled look, nose wrinkling for a second as he inhaled. 

 

Immediately Lance wanted to melt into the floor in embarrassment. Shit. One nice phrase and he had practically unleashed a wave of omega pheromones into the cabin. 

 

“I’ll come get you in an hour,” Shiro promised, heading towards the small cargo area where a few bunks could fold out of the walls. Lance wondered if the Alpha was ignoring his scent to be polite or if he was really just that unaffected by it. His instincts as an alpha were much less intense than they had been before he’d gone on the Kerberos mission and found trouble with the Galra, almost nonexistent compared to when they were in a relationship. Had he lost the ability to distinguish between the statuses? Did he simply stop caring? 

 

Was Lance no longer attractive as an omega?

 

But then that compliment. It wasn’t unheard of for Shiro to offer friendly encouragement but it was never so flirtatious, never bridged that gap between professional and deliciously inappropriate. 

 

Shiro didn’t seem to notice that he’d said anything out of character, giving Lance a nod as he moved towards the back of the lion.

 

///

 

The rest of the trip was largely uneventful, Lance took his turn to sleep before returning to take over the controls again. After they had both had a turn to rest they flew in silence towards the coordinates, the large mostly blue planets of the Cortmal galaxy looming big in the cockpit windows as they locked onto the homeworld half a day later.

 

“It’s beautiful,” Lance grinned, unintentionally pushing the throttle in his excitement and making Blue leap a little faster forward in a lurch. Shiro reached down to gently push Lance’s hand back, holding it steady at the more reasonable speed. Lance turned his face up to look at him, seeing the strong curve of his slightly stubbly jaw from his low angle in the pilot’s seat.

 

“You just like the color blue,” Shiro said dryly, though he was staring intensely out of the windows, presumably admiring the largely oceanic planets. 

 

“That’s because it’s the best color,” Lance winked, gaze moving forward again, “That’s why it was given to magnificent me.”

 

Shiro snorted and seemed to remember that his hand was still on Lance’s. He crossed his arms. “I thought it was something like that,” 

 

“Really?”

 

“No.” 

They landed with a bit of turbulence on a swampy marsh that had been staked out in bright orange flags, several alien ambassadors waiting on the makeshift landing strip. They both pulled on their helmets, activating the mode that in Allura and Coran’s instructions had been distinguished as ‘high hydro-filter’. 

 

The pair of paladins stepped out onto the surface, their helmets fogging up the moment the air lock slid open, water immediately condensing and running off in big droplets. Lance grinned, bouncing on the balls of his feet and nudging Shiro.

 

“This is so cool! Do you think they have a beach? My tan is miserable man, I practically look white,” he complained, reaching up with a gloved hand to wipe a streak clean across his visor. Shiro gave him a bemused look and turned to the aliens. 

 

“Greetings from Voltron, I am Shiro and this is Lance, we’re two of Voltron’s paladins, thank you again for hosting us in our fight against Zarcon,” 

 

_ Man,  _ Lance thought,  _ Shiro sounded hot when he was being diplomatic.  _

 

“We’re honored to assist you! If you could follow us we’ll provide you with rations and you can speak to our leader, she is the one who has seen the ships and might be able to help you in your search,”

 

“Of course,” Lance felt a hand against his back, warm even through the suits, and he looked over from where he was squinting at the horizon, trying to figure out where there were any big bodies of water. “Lance?”

 

“Yeah, sorry Shiro, Let’s go,” he grinned, “I gotta show you up with my killer political skills,” 

 

Shiro laughed but the aliens that were accompanying them cringed, the brightly colored jewel-like deposits on their skin appearing to darken for a moment. 

 

The species was of middle height, shorter than both Shiro and Lance, and they were dressed lavishly in thin colorful fabric and ornately done hair, a thick golden substance painted along their brows and down their arms in odd asymmetrical patterns. The circles of what must be some sort of inlaid cartilage glistening bright down their large flat noses and down their necks reminded lance of gemstones.

 

The paladins followed them to what looked like more of the same marshland, a thick grassy weed oozing a strange liquid the only indication that their position had changed. With a touch of alien fingers to the leaves, both the plants and the Cortmal’s jewels lit up, bright as marquees, and the plant shrunk back, revealing the door to an underground bunker. 

 

Looking around at the oozy, muddy ground, Lance thought that perhaps building underground structures wasn’t an awesome idea, but he didn’t exactly have the right to criticize their architectural skills. After all, they flew around in decisively un-aerodynamic space cats. So he just followed the group in, winding through long moist tunnels until they reached what passed for a dining room, long mats spread out with bowls of the same strange excretions he’d seen on the leaves of the plants. Apparently it was their main food source.

 

The dinner was surprisingly good, each watery substance tasting odd but different and filling his stomach surprisingly well, thick and heavy rather than sloshing around like water.

 

When all the polite conversation ended Lance and Shiro shared a look, and though Shiro’s eyes said,  _ Let me handle this,  _ Lance turned to the leader with a huge flirtatious grin.

 

“So, mi princesa,” he purred, “How can we help you today? You’ve got two bonafide heroes on your hands, you know,”

 

The leaders glinting jewels seemed to extinguish themselves, her face looking oddly flat without the light from their glow. She narrowed her eyes. “Excuse me?”

 

“How can the blue paladin here make your life easier?” he winked, ignoring the death glare he was getting from his companion. At least this aspect of their relationship hadn’t changed. 

 

She seemed to almost physically recoil and very quickly Shiro stepped in.

 

“Pardon him, we were just hoping you could give us some more information on the rumored galran ship sightings you reported to Princess Allura of Altea,”

 

“Oh yes,” the woman straightened, her glow returning as she looked at Shiro. She brushed an impossibly intricate braid over her shoulder and motioned for one of her servants, who quickly came forward to clean her hands and slip shining rings onto her fingers now that she was done eating. She didn’t even spare a look at them as they worked. “I saw a small fleet pass by a few quintets ago, that’s when I reported to your voltron headquarters,” she explained a little snobbishly, “But since then we’ve had several other reports of ships in the area around this, our core world,” 

 

She went on to explain the critical operations of their planets in great detail, highly emphasizing the value and beauty and importance of everything, all while another servant came forward to dab more of the strange golden paste onto her arms, tracing delicate lines that seemed embedded in the skin. 

 

Shiro and Lance listened attentively, and once they had gained all the information Shiro gave the Cortmal a grim smile. 

 

“We’ll do everything in our power to help, but this is a reconnaissance mission, so while we won’t be fighting for your planets today, we will be sending all of the data we can on the fleet back to the rest of voltron so we can plan our next line of attack,” he promised. 

 

“And then ole’ Lancey-Lance here is going to shoot them down out of the sky and you dudes can just chillax and watch the fireworks; you’re in great, and might I add very attractive, hands,” he said confidently, making little finger guns towards the ceiling. 

 

All of the Cortmals in the room flinched and Lance immediately dropped his hands into his lap, an embarrassed flush gracing his cheeks.  _ Shit, maybe he’d scared them.  _

 

Shiro raised his hands, palms facing outwards, keeping his voice gentle. “My apologies, my companion didn’t mean to startle you,” 

 

Lance’s stomach plummeted. He was the embarrassment, the one who needed to be covered up, the one who shouldn’t have been sent along. He remembered Coran and Allura’s words and he wanted to cry. They thought he’d be perfect for the mission and he was letting them down once again. 

 

“The blue paladin is the rudest of your creatures we have met,” the leader said vehemently, making Lance slouch, shoulders curling protectively inwards. 

 

“I’m sorry, I can assure you he means no harm and that what he says is in jest,” 

 

“Exactly! He is disrespecting our values!” she stood, the gemstones brightening to intense beams of light. They reminded Lance of lasers. “Our race is built on vanity,” she sniffed, “If you can’t love and be confident in your own being then you have no place in our society, people who can’t be open about themselves are hiding something. They’re not to be trusted,” she pointed an accusatory hand at Lance, “This one is nothing but a veil of false security and pretenses of self worth,” 

 

It was hard to breathe. Lance could feel panic swelling in his chest, tears trying desperately to push out of his eyes which must have closed at some point during the Cortmal’s harsh rant.

 

_ Wait. Okay. It was really hard to breathe.  _

 

He turned to look at Shiro and saw that the alpha was looking down at a display on his wrist, his expression betraying the slightest tremor of panic and surprise, something Lance was confident no one else would be able to see in the other man’s face. 

 

“Excuse us,” Shiro stood, half bowing in apology, “our air filters-”

 

“He disgusts me! He is fake!” she was still shrieking and pointing at Lance as he wobbled to his feet, feeling light-headed. 

 

Then Shiro’s hand was around his arm and they were heading back out the long spongy tunnels and up the ladder, leaving the irate aliens behind. They could both feel water on their faces as the suits failed to filter out the huge excess of H2O in the air, the planet’s humid atmosphere too much for their suits to handle for more than an hour or two. Shiro cursed, wishing he’d heeded Allura’s instructions a bit more closely. 

 

But before things got any worse they were in the lion again and Siro ripped off his helmet, sucking in a thankfully water-free gulp of air and then turning to Lance who still looked frozen in panic. He quickly undid his armour’s latches, lifting the helmet free from the boy’s hair.

 

“Hey, Lance, you’re alright now, can you take a breath for me?” 

 

Lance stared in frozen panic at the older boy but wheezed in a small breath as he was asked to. 

 

“Good, okay stay with me Lance, keep breathing, we’re safe in the lions now,”

 

_ This one is nothing but a veil of false security and pretenses of self worth.  _

 

_ He couldn’t breathe. _

 

“Lance, keep breathing buddy,” 

 

The blue paladin gasped and fell to his knees, sucking in lungfuls of air that made him just as dizzy as his deprivation from it. Then a warm hand was on his back, rubbing circles against the areas of his flight suit not covered by the thick plates of armor. 

 

_ If you can’t love and be confident in your own being then you have no place in society _

 

Lance shuddered. It was a long few moments before he was able to breathe a bit more evenly. 

 

What she’d said hadn’t been untrue. He knew he was lying, every time he smiled and flirted and boasted about his prowess. All of it was his way of hiding from reality: that he was desperately unhappy and afraid. Everyone on the team seemed to fit in so well, working hard and being helpful. He needed Keith just to begin to learn how to hold his own in a hand to hand fight. He was the sharpshooter, that was true, but was that enough? He wasn’t as intelligent as Pidge or as kind and perceptive as Hunk or resilient and strong like Shiro and Keith.He was an omega. Didn’t that make him weaker anyway?

 

So yeah, it was easier to play like he was always happy and always making a joke of everything. If they got used to rolling their eyes at him while they relaxed in the castle, maybe they wouldn’t expect too much from him in battle and could roll their eyes and ignore him then too. That would be easier. 

 

And Shiro. 

 

Shiro. 

 

The only way he could keep himself from burying his face in his neck and pulling him close every time the alpha stepped into the room was by keeping a distance and pretending that his flirtations were all a joke. If he made everyone laugh when he smiled and called the black paladin ‘honey bee’ at least he’d still gotten to use the pet name. At least he knew there was a kernel of sincerity there.

 

_ He is fake.  _

 

Lance stayed on the floor for a long time, Shiro sitting nearby, probably annoyed or bored. With that realization he forced himself upright, taking off the clunky armor and walking unsteadily over to the locker where he’d stashed his extra clothing. 

 

He changed in the lion’s small bathroom, caring more about hiding his bondmark than hiding his body, and then went silently to his fold out bunk in the cargo bay. 

 

“I’m sorry about the filter mix up,” Shiro said from where he was spreading a blanket out on his own bed, already shirtless, his hair messed from changing into pajamas. He still slept in flannel pants, just like he liked to at the garrison. Lance still wore shorts, but no longer felt soft fabric or the occasional hand against his legs as he slept. “I should have been better prepared,”

 

“No, it’s fine. I’m sorry for ruining our chance at getting them to cooperate,” 

 

“They just don’t get your humor the way we do,” the leader said with an encouraging smile. We. Not ‘the way I do’. ‘The way WE do,’ because there was no privacy between them now. Nothing they shared that wouldn’t also be told or given to Pidge and Hunk and Keith. We. 

 

Lance silently hated the word.

 

“Yeah. It’s fine. Wake me up when you want us to get going. We’re patrolling tomorrow, right?”

 

“Yes. We’ll be up at 0700,” 

 

Lance lazily soluted Shiro, heart burning as he managed a quietly joking “yes, sir,”

 

///

 

“Lance?”

 

The blue paladin sleepily pried open his eyes, rolling over to squint into the dark.

 

“Hmm? Wha’ time is it?”

 

“Still night,” Lance heard his feet shift on the metal flooring, and as he woke up a bit more he realized that the scent of alpha was strong in the small space, not overwhelming but definitely more present than anything he’d gotten from Shiro in the weeks since they’d been reunited. 

 

“Shiro?” 

 

“You smell like a distressed omega,” he blurted quickly, “I can’t sleep. It’s keeping me awake,” 

 

Guilt built itself a four bedroom home in Lance’s stomach, complete with an indoor garage. Shit. 

“Sorry, I’ll stop. Sorry,” he said quickly, grabbing the blanket and pulling it up over his scent glands, which were already covered by his high necked t-shirt. “Better?”

 

“No,” 

 

_ He disgusts me... He is fake.  _ The Alien’s words had been playing in his mind since their disastrous meeting but Lance hadn’t realized the way the guilt and shame and fear boiling under the surface was so obvious that it was fucking with his hormones. 

 

“Can I lay down?” Shiro was speaking again and Lance had to bite his lip to keep from crying at the familiar words. “With you?” the older boy amended, seeming a bit flustered. “Alpha pheromones are supposed to be calming to omegas, right?” 

 

Lance nodded and silently moved over. How many times had this boy’s scent been the only reason he was able to fall asleep after a bad day? The older boy lifted the blankets and laid down right beside him, their knees nudging each other under the covers. He could feel Shiro’s warm breath against his neck. 

 

“Is this alright?”

 

“Mhmmm. Sorry,” he whispered, rolling to face the wall. He couldn’t do it. Couldn’t see Shiro’s sleepy face in his bed, couldn’t hear his heartbeat and not press his cheek to it.

 

“Stop apologizing. It’s okay. I don’t want to make you feel guilty I just...I can’t ignore it. I could feel how upset you were and I...it’s biological,” he explained softly.

 

“I know,”

 

“I’ll leave when you calm down,”

 

_ No. Never leave. Please don’t ever leave me again.  _

 

“Okay,” 

 

Shiro shifted and surprised the omega by wrapping his arm around his chest, the still flesh and blood one that thrummed with his bond mate’s pulse. It took everything Lance had not to grab it and pull it tighter. Not to bend his head and kiss the fingers and cry against his palm.

 

Instead he stared resolutely forward, ignoring every horrible memory of warm bedding and Shiro’s laughter, and stealing kisses between classes. 

 

“It’s worse now,” Shiro whispered, tone entirely too soft.

 

“Sorry,” 

 

“Just rest, okay buddy?” _ That stupid fucking word. He wasn’t Shiro’s buddy. _ He felt the bed dip and Shiro’s face was near his hair. Did he even remember the smell? Was it at all familiar? How many thousands of kisses had Shiro dropped right where his lips were now hovering? 

 

His heart sped up with the painful thoughts, but before the torture could go on any longer, a wave of Shiro’s scent, warm and strong and rich with the promise of safety, rolled over him, his eyelids drooping, body obediently relaxing. Shiro could still play him like a violin. 

 

He settled back a little, pain in his heart easing. For just one night he could pretend that Shiro was his. For just one night he could close his eyes and feel the brush of flannel against his thighs and know it was reality and not a phantom memory of what he had lost. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm absolutely touched by all of the amazing responses to the first chapter- it really helped me stay motivated to keep working on the story. Thank you so much <3 I am the validation goblin and you have all done your part in keeping me satisfied and happy :) 
> 
> This chapter is a lot of plot and a lot of logistics!I've never written anything that required so much set up, so hopefully it's not to abrupt or too boring, I promise that the story is going to be more focused on our boys in the future. (But will still feature the really quite unnecessary amount,,, of commas,,,)) 
> 
> My love to all of you! Especially Lance! Scream at me on Tumblr


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow!!! I can't even begin to tell you how touched and amazed I am by all of your responses <3 This chapter practically wrote itself I was so excited to give you guys the update.
> 
> A crazy amount of love to clmf2601995 [on tumblr who made this GORGEOUS piece of fanart of the aliens from last chapter!](https://clmf2601995.tumblr.com/post/165036244276/so-i-read-this-very-cool-fanfic-of-cate-with-a-c)
> 
> You guys really inspire me! I hope you like chapter 3!

* * *

Lance missed home. He missed his big family and school breaks and the smell of slow cooking pork; He missed stealing pastelitos de guayaba off the counter of his mother’s kitchen, burning the tips of his tan fingers as he hurried back into the living room to sneak the food to his favorite brother. He missed waking up to the sound of his little sisters laughing and the chickens in his neighbor's backyard crowing and clucking at the crack of dawn, sunlight spilling onto his blue cotton bed sheets when his father drew back the curtains and told him to get up.

 

Waking up in the artificial light of his lion was nothing like waking up at home. Not even close. 

 

He pried open tired eyelids and stared at the bland metal of Blue’s hull, warm under the covers but feeling oddly cold inside. It was so quiet here. 

 

Just as he thought that, he felt a rustle of bedsheets and a soft puff of breath. Shiro. 

 

Lance cautiously turned, unsure what to think of Shiro staying through the night, that is, assuming it was even morning. But he felt rested and calmer than he had, so surely at least some amount of hours had passed. Yet Shiro was still there -his legs butting against his own,  _ he always did take up too much room,  _ his hand curling into the pillowcase in a loose fist.  _ Shiro.  _

 

The boy shifted, face staying blank and soft looking, the way it always did as he slept, and as he moved, his hand reached out, searching for something. Searching for Lance?

 

He slowly dipped his head a bit in response, bringing himself eye level with the alpha’s collarbones as slightly rough fingers brushed the back of his neck, Shiro’s palm curling around the delicate knobs of his spine. He held his breath.

 

_ Did he remember? _

 

His fingertips brushed the bondmark, still hidden by the shirt he’d worn to bed.

 

_ “It doesn’t hurt?” _

 

_ Lance was standing in front of his dorm room’s small mirror, shirtless and grinning as he stared at the small fresh wound, turning his head this way and that, facing shiro and looking over his shoulder and then turning around again to admire it up close. _

 

_ “No! Not anymore,” he glowed, “You did a fantastic job, It’s very cute,” _

 

_ “I don’t think marks are supposed to be cute,”  _

 

_ “Yeah, well, this one is,” he said confidently, tilting his head to show it off to Shiro as he wiggled his hips.  _

 

_ Shiro grinned, laughing and swatting his ass affectionately before standing so he could pull on his uniform shirt, Lance immediately taking over the buttons.  _

 

_ “You don’t regret it?” he asked carefully, watching the boy as he concentrated on the dress shirt, his tongue between his teeth. Lance looked up, eyes wide and sparkling, his hands pressing against his chest as he abandoned the task.  _

 

_ “How could I possibly?” he asked, voice soft with promise and hope. He rose on his tiptoes a fraction of an inch, pressing their noses together and closing his eyes. Shiro’s hands found his waist. “I love you, Takashi, and this is forever. This means that we’re forever,”  _

 

_ “It does,” Shiro agreed, staring at soft brown eyelashes, memorizing the way the small lines crinkled around his eyes from smiling and laughing so much. He couldn’t wait to watch them deepen in time. “But that doesn’t scare you?” _

 

_ “Does it scare you?” His eyes flicked open, blue meeting grey, something vulnerable in the way Lance seemed almost nervous to stare too hard.  _

 

_ “No,” Shiro breathed, realizing that for the first time it was true. “Not at all,” _

 

_ “Good. Then I’m never wearing a shirt again,” he giggled, pulling away to look in the mirror once more, sticking out his butt and dancing a little as he stared at his bond. _

 

_ “I don’t think that’s the smartest plan you’ve ever had,” Shiro sighed, “You’ll get cold. And then get questioned,” _

 

_ “About what?” _

 

_ “About possible insanity. Come on, Lance. You can wear one of my undershirts if you really want to,” _

 

_ Lance pouted, fingers touching the mark as he kept posing in the mirror, watching the ring of red shift across his skin. Soon it would scar, a light patch on his darker skin, and he knew he’d love it just as much then. Especially if Shiro kept sucking bruises there. _

 

_ “You’ll have it even if you can’t see it, Lance.” _

 

_ “Fine, fine. I know. Secret,” he huffed, not thrilled by the reality of everything. Then he saw Shiro’s face flinch in guilt and he spun around to steal a kiss. “I love it Shiro. I’m so glad that you want to be my alpha,” _

 

_ Shiro’s eyes softened and he started on the shirt buttons, always a little amused by how long it took them to leave each other in the mornings. “I’ll see you at lunch,” he promised. _

 

_ “Good. One more kiss?”  _

 

_ Shiro abandoned dressing once again and grabbed the boy’s chin to press their lips together, light and easy as if they were made to fit.  _

 

_ “And one for the mark?” _

_ “Lance-” _

 

_ “Please Alpha?” _

_ Shiro groaned and shook his head, still smiling. He obediently leaned down and pressed a feather light kiss to the bite mark. “What am I ever going to do with you?” _

 

_ “Put up with me forever?” _

 

_ /// _

 

Lance snuck  out of bed without waking Shiro, changing into the body suit they all wore under the armor and finding rations for breakfast. Hunk had helpfully labeled one ‘space eggs?’ so he added water and stirred. It was just like the space program food they had all eaten in one of the Garrison’s flight classes. Except for the color. And texture. And taste. But otherwise there was the same sense of it being food that was never meant to be treated in such a way.

 

Luckily the bland gunk was good as a distraction. He couldn’t afford to keep thinking about Shiro the way he had.

 

He’d decided never to tell the other boy. From the moment Shiro had only fuzzily recollected him during the chaotic Garrison rescue, he’d known he could never tell him what they had used to be. He couldn’t risk showing him the bond mark. 

 

It was manipulative, for one thing. He didn’t want to make him feel pressured into anything. Shiro would look guilty and apologetic and try his best to love him and it...it would break Lance’s heart even worse. At least with Shiro having no idea, Lance could still pretend there was a chance for them to fall in love again. At least now he could be his friend and save up the mental snapshots of his smile and his voice and know he’d done everything within his power to make him happy.

 

He’d been through so much in the past two years, far more than Lance could ever imagine. Horrible, mind-breaking things that seemed impossible to endure. If Lance could keep him from one more heartbreak, he would. 

 

He would bare the pain for the both of them. 

 

Shiro wandered into the cockpit. 

 

“Breakfast?”

 

“Hunk things this might be some kind of egg,” 

 

“Delicious,” Shiro yawned, pushing his hair out of his face. It was getting long. Lance wordlessly passed over the half empty food packet. “You’re feeling better,” Shiro observed. 

 

“Yeah. I’m good as new,” he responded automatically, trying to pump more energy into his voice. “When are we supposed to start some of this sneaky voltron recon?”

 

Shiro frowned, digging the spoon into the food-ish substance and shoveling it into his mouth.

 

“Soon? Are you really into patrolling?”

 

“Yeah! That’s why they call me surveil-Lance,” the blue paladin winked. Shiro coughed, covering his mouth as the surprised snort of laughter threatened his breakfast. It was maybe the cutest thing Lance had ever seen.

 

“Please, please never say that again,”

 

“Oh see now I have to,”

 

“Incorrect, we have a mission to accomplish,”

 

“Shirooo,” Lance whined, the word and the intonation unintentionally just like every time he’d begged the man for anything while they were dating: attention, a kiss, a handjob, his boyfriend’s brownie at lunch. He wasn’t picky. 

 

Apparently the trick still worked. Shiro’s cheeks colored a little and his spoon hovered half way between the packet of eggs(?) and his mouth. Lance grinned in triumph, and feeling a bit more like his real self, the one he was always trying to emulate. He leaned forward and stole the bite off of the spoon before turning to boot up the lion’s controls. 

 

Shiro just stood there staring for another long moment, mouth working silently and then shutting firmly closed. When Lance paused his work to look over he could smell the slight undertones of Shiro’s alpha scent, the one that always surrounded him when they were happily flirting or cuddled up together somewhere private.

 

He missed home, and guava pastries, and his siblings. And that smell that meant Shiro loved him.

 

“We should check in with Allura and the team,” Shiro said finally, eating the last of the ration and throwing it away.

 

Lance fidgeted. What a moment-ruiner. He really wasn’t in the mood for another lecture from Allura. Shiro seemed to sense this and he crossed his arms, a gesture that Lance had always read as the man’s way of trying to feel in control.

 

“I know yesterday’s meeting didn’t go quite as well as planned but this is still an important mission, and we need to complete it.”

 

“Do we have to see them again?” Lance asked quietly, staring down at the floor.

 

“Not necessarily. We can complete our surveillance,” Shiro’s lip twitched up in an almost smile before he continued, “ then report everything to voltron and I can reach out to their queen to promise that we’re keeping their interests in mind,”

“Alright,” 

 

There was a long pause of silence and Shiro stepped closer to Lance, pulling up the screen to call Allura and pausing to touch the younger man’s shoulder.

 

“You know you haven’t failed, right?”

 

Tears threatened to spill from Lance’s eyes, sudden gratefulness and embarrassment and relief twisting in his chest as if someone had driven in a knife, sharp and cold. 

 

“I know,” he nodded, the lie purged and absolved by the small crack in his voice, the waiver displaying his need for reassurance.

 

Shiro looked at Lance with the kindest eyes in the entire universe, and Lance knew he would never stop loving him. 

  
  


The call to Allura was largely handled by Shiro, who described their diplomatic difficulties very vaguely and left out the filter issue, something that made Lance wonder if he often lied about his capabilities as a leader. It made him feel a little better somehow. If Shiro didn’t admit to reading some coordinates wrong or forgetting to put up his particle shield on time it made him a bit more human; It made Lance feel the tiniest bit better about his insecurities nearly ruining their mission.

 

A mission that turned out to be rather dull in the end. They spent all day circling planets and occasionally stopping to listen to rumors of who’d seen what flying which way, most of which ended up being lion sightings that were confused for the galra fleets technology at a distance. 

 

The only remarkable thing that happened was that suddenly Shiro was more or less being  _ his _ Shiro again. He smiled at Lance, and touched his wrist and offered to heat up his meal packet at dinner. He said things that could maybe count as flirting if Lance thought about it, small snippets of observation about his hair or his piloting. 

 

“Great work, you made that look easy, sharpshooter,” 

 

“It’s a shame you have to wear that helmet while you fly,”

 

“We’ll have to spar when we’re back on the castle, you look like you’ve really grown into yourself lately,” this one said as shiro leaned around Lance to retrieve a spare shirt from one of the lockers, his bare chest just centimeters from the cuban boy’s back. He could feel the heat radiating from him through the fabric of his favorite tee.

 

Then that night, as they were both climbing into their respective beds, Shiro’s voice again, soft and sweet like something yanked out of the past. If Lance didn’t look, he could imagine dark uninterrupted hair and his scar-less features, the tilt of his shoulders playful and young.

 

“Goodnight, Lance. Sleep well. I’ll handle breakfast,” 

 

“You don’t have to do that,” he said quickly, cheeks burning despite the rather neutral phrases.  _ That voice.  _

 

“I’d like to,” he promised earnestly, stretching out across his thin mattress.

 

Lance thought about that for a moment, reliving the day in his mind. Shiro had been...would it jinx something to say flirty? Cute? Affectionate? Not quite like they were when they were together, more like how it had been at first when Shiro was Lance’s peer advisor and they were tiptoeing around, trying to see if there was something there. But what had changed? A deep frown settled on his face and he kept his back turned away. 

 

“Look, just because you just now bothered to notice I’m an omega doesn’t mean I need your coddling, okay dude?”

 

“No, that’s not why I’m doing it!” Shiro said quickly. “I just...I want to do it because...you’re Lance,”

 

The word was silk on the man’s lips. His own quivered, so vulnerable to everything the alpha said. 

 

He didn’t respond, crawling into bed and pulling the covers up around himself, burying his face in his pillow and nearly crying out at the sudden and very visceral scent of Shiro. He turned to his stomach, breathing it in until he felt dizzy with his mate’s scent. Or the lack of oxygen. Either way, he kind of wanted to smother himself in the least morbid way possible. 

 

“Goodnight Shiro,” he finally responded, not knowing if the boy was already asleep.  _ I love you. _

 

* * *

 

They arrived back at the castle the next morning, Shiro’s strange behavior continuing. He carried Lance’s bag out of the lion before he could pick it up himself, and then at the mission debriefing when Allura asked about Lance, he was nothing but complimentary.

 

“So! Did they like Lance? I just knew that their self aggrandizement and Lance’s own brand of, uh, confidence, was just what this mission called for!” 

 

Lance squirmed, glad the armor kept his movements a little more concealed. And his nervous sweat. Gross.

 

“Lance did well, but their leader seemed uncomfortable with both of our presences,”  _ lie.  _ “But we carried out the surveillance as you saw in the reports. I would venture that this was mostly just a goose chase, nothing substantial seems to indicate that Zarkon’s fleet is stationed nearby,”

 

“Right, well, it’s about showing our allies that they can count on us!” She said, clenching her fist in happy triumph, she turned to look out of the castle’s large windows, chin tilted up towards the sky. Lance watched her long hair shift. 

 

Coran came up from behind them and threw an arm around each of their shoulders, the blue paladin smiling a little up at him. Coran was always the one who seemed to know when the team needed comfort or better morale, and though his methods of trying to help were strange and rarely very effective in the conventional sense, his efforts were never unappreciated. And it was pretty nice to have him and Allura around to be taller than Shiro. 

 

Lance had been taller than him when they first met, Lance a lanky cadet before Shiro properly hit his late growth spurt. He wasn’t bitter about it. 

 

Or maybe he was.

 

“Alright chaps! Good work out there! Everyone else is training so you two can hit the showers and get some rest! Or join them! Or there’s fresh goo in the kitchen!” His arms pulled back so he could touch his mustache, “It’s some of my best if I do say so myself,”

 

Allura shot Lance a look that said,  _ I would go shower if I were you.  _

 

“Thanks! Maybe later. I feel kinda gross,” he explained quickly. Which was true. The lions didn’t exactly have bath suites, and he was starting to stink, especially after the mishap with his pheromones. He didn’t want the whole ship to reek of omega. 

“Later Shiro,” he said quickly, ducking away when the older boy was confronted by Coran’s hopeful smile. 

 

“See ya, Lance,” he nodded, trying to slowly edge away from their lovable but overexcited mentor. 

 

Lance headed down the now familiar castle halls, smiling to himself as he realized he would get to sleep in a proper bed with proper blankets.He tugged off his helmet as he walked, smile disappearing as his fingers touched greasy hair. God he was going to look like Keith if he kept this up.

 

Speak of the devil.

 

As he passed the training room, Keith was walking out of the door, face flushed red and a cross look in his eye. Lance held up his hands in mock surrender, eyebrows raised in surprise.

 

“Hey, hey, I know you’re jealous about me saving the universe, but don’t you think I deserve a hero’s welcome back?” he asked smoothly, eyes flicking over Keith top to bottom. The other boy’s frown deepened. 

 

“You’ve missed two of your days training with me,” he said, as if it was the biggest offence Lance could have made.

 

“Yeah? Because I was off kicking alien ass, it’s not like I did it on purpose,” he rolled his eyes, tucking his helmet under one arm as both of his hands found his sharp hips. 

 

“You were on a diplomatic mission,” Keith snarked back.

 

“So? It’s not like you’d ever be sent on one!” _okay, he could admit he was being childish._ Keith had always been good at pushing his buttons. He never really meant to fight, but somewhere between his teasing and Keith’s anger was a big void of them refusing to really communicate with each other. “Unless it was a species who only spoke fist!” 

 

Kieth’s jaw visibly tightened, the muscles in his neck jumping into action for a second. And for the first time, Lance realized that the boy was holding back. The thought made shame curl in his stomach and he dropped the act. 

 

“Sorry. What’s up with you?” he asked as patiently as he could.

 

“We need to make up your training. You were really improving. Are you free tonight?”

 

Lance wanted to say ‘ _ Aww Keith are you asking me on a date?’  _ but knew that they were trying to be civil, so he backed off a bit. 

 

“Yeah, sure. But not for crazy long, I’m pooped.”

 

“Okay. Great. I’ll see you a bit after dinner. Get some rest,” 

 

“Yeah. you too,” 

 

Keith turned back towards the training center, and as he opened the door Lance could hear Pidge yelling something and Hunk groaning in pain. 

 

“They alright in there?”

 

The corner of Keith’s mouth twitched.

 

“They’re fine. Just getting whipped into shape,”

 

“Under you, that means they’re not going to survive the afternoon,” 

 

“You did,” He said levelly, their eyes meeting for a moment. Keith’s voice was almost...kind? 

 

The door slammed shut and lance was alone in the hallway again, wondering if Coran had spiked the food. 

* * *

  
  


“So what are you going to make me do over and over today?” Lance asked, glancing up from where he was lounging on one of the wrestling mats. Keith stopped in the door and narrowed his eyes. 

 

“You do realize that repetition is the best way to get accurate muscle memory, right?”

 

“Yeah, yeah, whatever, dropout. What are we doing?”

 

The boy shrugged off his trademark coat and unclipped his belt, letting it fall on top of the heap of red fabric. 

 

“We’re going back to staff fighting,” he crossed the room to unlock the weapons closet, pulling out two blunt practice rods. 

 

“Shit,” Lance muttered, letting his own jacket come off as well. “I thought you said I was ready to move on,”

 

“That was before you left for two days,” 

 

“Did’ja miss me?” Lance grinned, suddenly realizing that what Keith had just said didn’t match his earlier phrasing. In the hall, what had he said?  _ You missed two days of training with ME _ . Huh. Weird. 

 

“I missed kicking your ass,” Keith smiled, tossing Lance his staff. Lance caught it, hearing the smack against his open palm and cringing at the resulting sting. Maybe Keith had a good idea going with the gloves. He stepped out onto the floor and readied himself in battle position. 

 

“Besides,” Keith continued, “Patience yields focus,” 

 

_ Strong hands tangled in brown hair -the darkness of the empty classroom -the soreness of his knees. His lips were stretched wide around Shiro’s cock, eyes watering as his throat was fucked. His hands were tight on the alpha’s thighs, knowing he wasn’t allowed to touch himself until after his lover was satisfied. _

 

_ “Patience yields focus,”  _

 

_ /// _

 

“Y-you stole that from Shiro,” Lance said, trying to glare, hoping Keith wouldn’t see his cheeks burning. 

 

Keith ignored him, stopping to tie up his hair. It gave Lance time to cool down and ready himself again. 

 

“Come on, mullet,”

 

“It fits in a ponytail now. I don’t think it counts as a mullet anymore,”

 

“Whatever. Still gross. I thought you wanted to fight me,”

 

Keith frowned crossing to stand in front of Lance and holding the staff at the ready.

 

“I don’t,” Keith lunged forward, the staff arching around to hit his shin and Lance easily blocked it with the left end of his own before stepping sideways and sending his towards Keith’s head. The other paladin ducked and blocked the backhand before Lance could bring his staff  back to his chest.

 

“Don’t what?” Lance panted, staring back and forth between Keith’s hands and his feet to try and see which way his weight would shift. 

 

“Don’t-”  _ ssknt.  _ They both swung and the wood centers slid against each other. “-want to fight you-”

 

Lance raised an eyebrow, distracted by the odd admission.  _ Keith  _ didn’t  _ want to fight him?  _

He barely had time to raise his staff to block the jab towards his nose. 

 

“Hey! No face shots!”

 

“I don’t exactly think the galra play by the rules of middle school dodgeball,”

 

Keith feigned right but Lance stood his ground, using the opportunity to thrust his staff between Keith’s legs and trip him. Keith went rolling but not before he grabbed Lance’s staff and yanked hard enough that it sent him stumbling forwards too. He landed a blow, light and mostly to prove a point, on Lance’s side. Lance yelped even though it didn’t hurt much. 

 

“You did that on purpose!”

 

That earned him a real laugh, loud and surprisingly light as the pale boy rolled to his feet at Lance’s back and tried to hit his arm. 

 

Lance grinned and spun, catching the swing with his pole and then throwing himself forward again. 

 

Suddenly it wasn’t like they were training or fighting at all, it was like a game. Like they were playing at something Lance couldn’t quite name. But it made him smile and sweat and wonder how he’d never seen this side of his friend. Within minutes Lance had disarmed Keith, the other boy’s staff rolling halfway across the training room’s floor. 

 

“Victory!” Lance pumped his staff into the air with both hands and then dropped it so he could groove, swaying his hips and sporadically punching the air. “Go blue, go blue, go blue,” he sang, pointing at Keith and laughing.

 

“You’d kill me if I acted like that every time I won,” Keith grumbled, a smile still hovering around his lips. 

 

“I’m a better dancer, I get to get away with it,”

 

Keith rolled his eyes.

 

“What’s going on in here?” 

 

They both turned. Shiro was leaning into the doorway, one hand on the top of the doorframe, clearly confused by their rumpled appearance, discarded weapons, and Lance’s dancing. 

 

“Training,” Keith said bluntly, never one to over-explain things.

 

“Right,” Shiro smiled, the expression not quite reaching his eyes. Lance glanced between them, things suddenly feeling a little tense. 

 

“Okaaayy,” he bent and retrieved his staff. “I’m going to bed,”

 

“I’ll walk you,” Shiro offered. Lance looked at Keith. The boy was snatching up his own weapon and practically stomping towards the closet again, his lighthearted playfulness evaporated now that someone else was around. 

 

“Alright,” he said uneasily, feeling as if he should be staying for Keith. But Shiro looked so softened and pleased by his agreement that he couldn’t backtrack. So he returned his staff and grabbed his jacket, following Shiro towards the dorms. 

 

When they got to Lance’s door, Shiro stopped, hovering in a way that almost seemed like he was waiting for an invitation inside. Instead of giving it he just crossed his arms, hugging the coat to his chest.

 

“You know you don’t have to fake anything, right?” Shiro asked after a long moment, his voice painful in it’s earnest understanding. It was embarrassing.

 

“Yeah. I don’t want to talk about it,” he said quickly, staring at the opposite wall. When he didn’t stay busy he could still hear the alien’s words ringing in his ears.

 

“But if you ever do,”

 

“I know,”

 

Shiro’s hand lifted, hovering near Lance’s cheek. Lance froze for a second, anticipation and anxiety swelling in his chest, all mixed up like a rubix cube. 

 

Something passed over the black paladins face, a flicker of what could be confusion or maybe just tiredness, and then the hand dropped.

 

“Goodnight, Lance,” 

 

“Yeah, Goodnight Shiro.” 

 

Of everything that had happened to him in the last couple of months, the past few days may very well have contained some of the strangest interactions yet. 

 

_ Huh. Well. Maybe he still had a chance.  _


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW I'm so sorry guys, I didn't mean to be off the grid for so long! But here's another chapter! College is keeping me on my toes a bit but I'm hoping to have chapter five out a lot faster. 
> 
> Thanks so much to everyone who's stuck around, your comments really do make my day and keep me motivated, y'all are the only ones holding me accountable when it comes to finishing this haha <3 It really helps me get the ball rolling.
> 
> As always, please feel free to message me anytime, my tumblr is cate-with-a-c (linked at the end of every chapter) 
> 
> Much love!!!! <3 <3 <3

 

“Lance? ….Lance?......LANCE,” 

 

Lance’s head jerked up, snapping towards Pidge in alarm.

 

“What!?”

 

“I’ve said your name like five times now,” she glared, looking up from her work long enough to make Lance squirm. That was never a good sign. “I need you to try out the new model,”

 

“Yeah, right. Sorry,” he turned away from the window and obediently sat by his friend as she settled a heavy helmet onto his hair and started sticking strange electrodes around his forehead and down his neck. “What’s this for again?”

 

“I explained it to everyone last night when you volunteered to be the guinea pig,”

 

_ Shiro had set his hand on Lance’s knee when they’d finished eating dinner the night before. He remembered the heat of his fingers and the quickening of his pulse and _ ….yeah okay he hadn’t been paying attention to anything Pidge had said. 

 

“Right. Cool.” 

 

“You don’t remember do you,” she phrased it as a sentence, full stop, frowning as she had to move his hair at the back of his neck aside for the last sticky pad. Then she started connecting wires to each pad, threading them back through the odd device. 

 

“No,”

 

“Well it’s pretty self-explanatory. If it works, you’ll see what it does in a minute,” She finished and sat back to hunch over her laptop again.

 

“Should I be concerned about any radio-wave-zombie-brain-melting action?” he asked a little nervously, feeling a strange buzz of static down his spine.

 

“Eh. Probably not. Keep me posted on whether brains are better than the food goo though,” she hit a key with a confident click and then stared at him, hands staying on the keys, perched as if ready to strike. 

 

“Hey! Not funny, I-” Lance blinked. 

 

_ What had he been saying? What were they even talking about?  _ He stared at Pidge, trying to concentrate but coming up with nothing.  _ What was their name?  _ He felt as if he should know where he was, what this person’s name was, what he was doing sitting on the floor of a strangely lit room with a weight on his head. He reached up, fingers colliding with hard metal. 

 

“Ow,” he stared down at his hand. His head was full with the whirring of bicycle wheels and leaf blower engines and the sound of rocks scraping against each other underwater in a storm. It was like cotton, like there was something light and heavy about it at the same time. Something stuffed full but still empty. He looked around a little, experimentally tilting his neck to test the weight of whatever odd hat he was wearing.  _ What’s my own name?  _ He thought. The only thing he could come up with was the dull blue of sea glass and the taste of salt. Slowly, slowly he maneuvered himself down, stretching out on his back and closing his eyes. It felt like someone had built a safe little pillow fort inside his head. Everything whirred and clicked on, loud and repetitive but somehow  not grating. He felt safe. Also vulnerable, like something just born and teetering forward without knowing what was ahead. He looked at the table legs a few feet away, staring at them as they rose from the floor like tree trunks.  _ Pretty.  _

 

All at once something snapped and Lance gasped, annoyance immediately dominating his senses. 

 

“Are you okay?” Pidge asked, standing above him but not looking overly concerned.

 

“What...shit, what the hell was that?” he asked, scrambling to sit upright, eyebrows nearly in his hairline.

 

“It’s something I want to eventually weaponize,” she explained, purposefully pulling off the electrodes and disconnecting the pads. “It deadens the active parts of the brain, sort of like being asleep when you’re awake. Can you tell me how you felt?”

 

Lance thought about it for a long time, rubbing his head when the device was finally lifted away even though nothing really hurt. It was like nothing had ever happened. 

 

“Empty,”

 

“Did you feel panicked at all?”

 

“No. I don’t think so. It was just like...existing,” he shook his head, “I don’t know. It was fucking weird man, I’m out,”

 

“No, yeah I think it’s good,” she was back to typing furiously, “Thanks,”

 

“Sure. I’d say anytime but I’m suddenly craving brains and so I think I’m gonna pass for a bit,” 

 

“Haha, very funny,” she frowned, hitting the backspace a half dozen times and then pushing up her glasses with a careless raise of her shoulder, head ducking to meet it so she didn’t have to stop working. 

 

Lance stood and stuffed his hands into his pockets. A second later there was silence and he looked back at Pidge, confused at why the clicking of her keyboard had stopped.

 

“What?”

 

“What’s going on with Shiro?”

 

The boy blushed, making an effort to keep his face blank as he shrugged and shook his head. “I don’t know what you mean. He seems the same to me,”

 

“You smell like him all the time now,” she complained, “He practically scented you at dinner yesterday,”

 

Lance blanched, feeling the heat in his ears now as well as his cheeks. “Uh, ah, I don’t know uh,”

 

“Look I think it’s fine if you want to be with him but you don’t have to hide it from all of us. I think there’s some people on the team who might appreciate a bit more transparency,” Pidge raised her eyebrows meaningfully, a touch of something almost reprimanding in her tone. Lance shook his head. 

 

“No, we’re not, that is, not yet?” he sighed. “I like him,” 

 

_ “I love you, Lance,” Shiro’s voice was thin and tired, but clear, not muffled against the library table he was slumped over, staring at the omega through a fringe of dark hair.  _

 

_ “I think finals are getting to you,” Lance smiled, reaching over to push away some strands so he could see one of his boyfriend’s grey eyes.  _

 

_ “Mmm. Doesn’t mean I don’t love you,” _

 

_ “I love you too, Takashi. Let’s get you to bed,” _

 

_ /// _

 

Using the word ‘like’ made something bitter scald Lance’s throat. He felt like he’d swallowed a stone, but he shook his head, trying to focus. “I like him, but I think maybe he’s near his rut or something? My pheramones went a little haywire on the mission. I think he’s got things mixed up,” 

_ Or rather, in this case, mixed right? _

 

“So he’s using you?”

 

“No! No, I think he just likes being around me,”

 

“Okay,”

 

“Really Pidge, it’s nothing,”

 

She stared at him for a long time and then, like a switch had been flipped, looked back down at her computer and resumed her typing. Only a second later the door to the room swung open and the alpha in question was inside.

 

“Lance,” he smiled, “Are we still on for tonight?”

 

“Oh, yeah, sorry. But I was gonna shower,”

 

“Of course. I’ll come get you in half an hour,”

 

“I can just meet you at the command deck,” 

 

Shiro frowned and Lance didn’t understand why. “No, I’ll come get you,”

The younger boy looked away and nodded, starting to get a little annoyed by Shiro’s new favorite hobby: escorting Lance around the ship while still staying out of arm’s reach. It was almost worse, having him so close but unable to close that gap, than it had been when Shiro was blandly uninterested in him.

 

Shiro waved and turned, heading back the way he’d come. Pidge raised her eyebrows at Lance and the omega shrugged it off, leaving to get ready with the strange sense that he might have been lying about what Shiro and himself were, only because it seemed Shiro wasn’t telling him. 

* * *

 

“So what are we doing here?” Lance asked, hitting the toe of his sneaker against the base of the command console and watching the holographics quiver a little. Shiro looked down and he stopped.

 

“I have something to show you,”

 

“Is it cool?”’

 

Shiro let out a short puff of breath, somewhere between amused and annoyed. “I think so,” 

 

Lance went back to looking at his feet, idly wishing he could get a new pair of shoes. They were his favorites, and he’d had them since flight school, soft and worn and faded. And after the abuse of their escapades they were looking worse for wear. The only other shoes he had were the giant heavy duty boots that went with their armour. 

 

He’d first kissed Shiro in these shoes, he realized, staring at the dirty laces. Weird. 

 

“Here, Lance,” fingertips brushed his arm and he looked up, instinctively staring into big grey eyes rather than the flickering monitor. But Shiro was already turning towards the display.

 

The blue paladin redirected his attention, watching as a series of photos and videos arranged themselves in a big digital collage. The first few pictures were of team voltron, from that one afternoon when Pidge had strapped a camera to Rover because Hunk had wanted a record of all of them as a team. At the time it had felt fun and goofy, Lance draping himself across Hunk’s lap, all of them mid-laugh or with their eyes closed, not a single good picture in the bunch. But as the war pressed on it seemed to Lance that it was possible these might remain the only pictures of all five of them together. Then came a few images of the planet he and Shiro had visited on their mission, the blue oceans of the Cortmal system and then, startlingly, a picture of a beach that looked like it was from Earth- a big boardwalk with people and cotton candy and the ocean stretching out towards the horizon.

 

The pictures kept coming, oceans and lakes and bits of blueprints, videos of lapping ocean waves on sand and the sound of laughter. Lance’s eyes watered and he stumbled back a step, overwhelmed by the sights and sounds of home and strangely enough, the castle and voltron. It was all blended together, overlapping just like in the display, and then finally it ended. One last picture slid into place. A blurry shot of Lance in his orange cadet uniform, his mom and his dad smiling on either side of him, a picture he knew was in his Garrison file. It had been taken on student weekend, three weeks before Shiro had left- more than two years ago. 

 

Tears were spilling slowly and unstopped down his cheeks, his breath held tight, not wanting to let go of that certain tug in his chest. There was a string, no, something more substantial than that, a rope as big around as his wrist, connecting him from the faded yellow front door in Miami to his chest, light years away. He cried like he was a child again, sent to summer camp and wailing on the phone to his madre, wanting her arms around him again. 

 

It took him a few seconds to notice that there  _ were  _ arms around him, Shiro’s, hugging tight around his waist and stroking his back, the man’s deep voice mumbling apologies into his hair.

 

Lance hugged him tight, wishing that he smelled like his mother, like cinnamon. 

 

“I’m so sorry, Lance,” Shiro offered feebly, squeezing his shoulders when the crying seemed to die down a little. “I thought you liked the ocean, I thought maybe this would make you smile,”

 

Lance laughed, but his voice had no joy in it. “Yeah. Thanks, no, It’s just….” his throat tightened again. “It’s just hard not having what you love in your hands, I guess,”

 

Shiro pulled back, studying Lance’s face and after a long moment of consideration, reached out to carefully brush away tears with his left hand, skin against skin. His fingers were cool against Lance’s hot cheeks. 

 

“I just wanted to cheer you up. Show you something you’d like,” he repeated, looking away.

 

“Well, next time just remember that I like action movies,” he sniffled, turning slightly so he could press his cheek into the alpha’s palm. How was it possible that after all this time his hand still felt the same against his skin?  _ It was like his body was made to remember him.  _ That thought stung, because if Lance was made to love Shiro, why wasn’t Shiro made to love him back?

 

Shiro’s hand left his cheek.

 

“I will!” Shiro seemed to perk up, “of course, whatever you’d like,”  _ Well in that case I’d like you to hold me,  _ Lance thought.  _ Just so long as you’re offering me whatever I want.  _

 

“I think I’m going to uh, go,” he said instead, after a long tense moment, keeping his eyes away from the holographic screen. 

 

“Wait,” Shiro was still hovering close, the man looking guilty and unsure in equal parts, his stoic mask broken into something more manageable. For once he looked his age, young and only a couple years out of school. “The real reason I brought you here, made this, was…” 

 

Lance could feel his heart speed up. Was it possible? Did he know? Did he remember? His brain spun through the images and videos again, trying to tease out if anything within them had seemed like a confession. 

 

In a flash of movement Shiro was close, too close, ducking his head and reverently nudging his nose into the scent gland hidden under his shirt, sending a hot spike of surprise and excitement through Lance’s stomach. Shiro had scented him. Shiro had scented him! All too soon the leader had drawn back, face flushed red and his expression back to being closed off, but Lance knew what had just happened, could feel the tingling and the soft aroma of alpha now radiating from the spot where he’d activated both of their second sexes. 

 

“Shiro?” was  _ that  _ the confession, “do you-” the word remember was on his lips but he was cut off. 

 

“-I, I’d like to court you, Lance,” he offered, looking for all the world like he was getting a medical exam, standing so stiff and defensive even as his desires spilled out. “If you’d have me,”

 

Lance laughed, loud and unchecked by his brain.  _ If  _ he’d have him? Shiro flinched back, managing pretty impressively to look even  _ more  _ distant and Lance immediately saw the mistake he’d made. 

 

“Wait! Sorry, no, I’m just surprised is all,” he admitted, “I’d...I’d like that. A lot.” 

 

Lance’s words freed every joint in Shiro’s body, the man relaxing as if Lance was a commanding officer who had said ‘at ease’. 

 

“Great. I don’t want to disrupt the team. But if you wanted to sit with me and talk after dinner tomorrow, that would be...good.” he nodded a few too many times. “Great,”

 

“Yeah, great,” Lance echoed, nodding his head along with Shiro’s, his bangs tickling his nose. 

 

Shiro left and Lance sat down, nothing but the bluish glow of the view screen to keep him company as he wondered if it was possible that Shiro didn’t remember, but could still love him all over again. 

 

It’s what he’d been hoping for but somehow it still felt hollow. Like they were jumping over a big crater that stood between them. Maybe that was okay. He’d already fallen once, after all. 

* * *

  
  


_ “Lieutenant Shirogane?” _

 

_ “Lance! Hey, thanks for stopping by, I wanted to talk to you about your report on solar flares,” _

 

_ Lance stepped into the little lounge area, reserved for Shiro’s TA hours every Tuesday and Friday afternoon. He’d changed out of his uniform, into his favorite jeans and a white shirt that he liked to think made him look a little more muscular. Already he could feel the blush starting in his ears. _

 

_ “Lance?” _

 

_ “Yeah, I’m not here about the report,” he admitted, sitting down on the edge of the couch across from Shiro, their knees almost touching.  _

 

_ “No?” Shiro looked uncomfortable too, eyes darting to the door. Lance kind of wanted to feel his nervous pulse against his tongue. Among other things.  _

 

_ “No,” he confirmed. “You said you liked me,” _

 

_ Shiro sucked in a breath. “Lance,” _

 

_ “No, I know it was you who slipped the note under the door. I saw the security tapes,” _

 

_ “How-?” _

 

_ “Not important. But it was you. You like me,” The lieutenant looked at him for a long moment before sighing and dropping his head in defeat.  _

 

_ “I do,”  _

 

_ “Great,” with a surge of courage Lance leaned forward, curling his hand around Shiro’s neck and tugging him close as he dropped his face into his uniform collar, pressing his lips and nose into the spot on his neck where his glands should be. After a moment of pressing he felt the dizzying release of pheromones and he grinned, nuzzling the spot until Shiro cautiously pulled away, eyes wide with shock.  _

 

_ “You scented me,” he said, and it was clear that the boy wasn’t sure if it was supposed to be an accusation or not.  _

 

_ “Yeah. Well. My mom said that if I ever met a nice alpha I wanted to keep. If I did that, it would tell everyone to back off.”  _

 

_ “Yeah. that’s...Lance,” he shook his head, “I’m your academic advisor, I shouldn’t-” _

 

_ “I like you. You like me. Let’s just, ya know, like each other, okay?” _

 

_ “Lance,”  _

 

_ “Fine, fine, okay. I’m going then. But if you ever feel like, I don’t know, not repressing all of your emotional whatever, give me a call,” _

 

_ “Lance.” Shiro sounded less amused and more frustrated. Then he leaned in and scented him in return, dark hair brushing the boy’s neck as he pressed his lips to the spot at the juncture of his neck and shoulder. He could feel the warm lips through the thin fabric of his t-shirt. “I like you too,” _

* * *

  
  


Shiro and Lance started meeting with each other almost every night after that, usually sitting on one of the higher decks to look out at the stars as the castle traveled slowly through space. They mostly just talked about frivolous things: the stars, food they missed, seasons and favorite movies and tv shows from Earth. They avoided topics like family and Kerberos, and when the conversation strayed toward the Garrison and Lance felt the pit of longing open deep within him he gently steered Shiro back to the present. 

 

Things were fairly easy between them. Lance was goofy and liked the attention and liked telling stories, Shiro steady and grounding, a warm presence by his side. But neither of them were brave enough to reach for each other physically, their hands staying tight to their sides, as if they really were on a series of awkward first dates. 

 

Maybe that was okay. They could sustain this. Even if it meant Lance left their little meetings every night with the burning want for a touch, a hug, a kiss. Sometimes it felt as if his bondmark was throbbing. 

 

But they were making progress. Shiro still kept his walls up pretty high, stiff and almost unreachable at the best of times, but small smiles and gentle laughter escaped more and more, shy glances catching in the space between them. 

 

//

 

“Wait, seriously? Like a nightlight?”

 

“Yeah,” Shiro smiled looking down at his right palm. “But it’s still hard to control it outside of battle,”

 

“Can you try it now?” 

 

Shiro shook his head and set his hand down, leaning back on it again.”No I’ve already burnt a ton of stuff trying,”

 

“Do you think you could use it to like, make toast?”

 

“Yeah, probably,” Shiro shrugged. 

 

And so the days went. 

 

//

 

It was after one of their casual chats one night that Keith tracked him down, practically fuming. Lance could feel the anger radiating from him and he had to fight his omega instinct to cower. Shiro had already gone off to his room and Lance was stuck in the hallway.

 

“Lance. Where have you been?”

 

“I, with Shiro? Why?”

 

“You haven’t met with me in like, two weeks,” he glared, jaw tight. 

 

“I’ve been busy. I guess I didn’t feel like kicking your ass. You should be grateful,” he taunted, trying to keep the interaction light. The truth of it was that he’d kind of forgotten about Keith, the strange and blossoming whatever-it-was with Shiro taking up all of his extra attention. 

 

“You promised you’d work with me on your training, you said you wanted to be a better hand to hand fighter. Do you think that comes without discipline or some semblance of self control?”

 

_ Ouch.  _

 

“Hey, I want to be good but we’re running at like top speed around here all the time,” 

 

“That’s not an excuse! Being tired isn’t an excuse!”

 

Lance felt like throwing a punch, and it was clear Keith was on the same page. But the blue paladin watched as Keith’s purple eyes flicked to something further down the hallway, then both of them heard the sound of someone leaving their room. 

 

“Hey guys!” Hunk called, a towel slung around his shoulders and a pair of bright blue boxers tight around his muscular thighs, “hall party?”

 

Keith’s eyebrows looked like they were trying to merge into one. “I just wanted to know why Lance has been slacking his training,” he gritted out.

 

“He’s been to all the team stuff,” Hunk shrugged diplomatically. Clearly he’d picked up Keith’s tone though and he started backing away a little. “But uh, yeah, I’ll see you guys later. If this becomes a hall party, tell me and I’ll get snacks,” 

 

“Thanks Hunk,” Lance mumbled, looking at the floor. Hunk headed off for the showers and the awkwardness stretched between Keith and Lance- the fury and passion deflated. 

 

“Why do you care so much, anyway?” Lance asked, scratching his neck. “About me doing well or whatever, I mean,” 

 

“You’re part of Voltron, and we can’t work together well as a team if some are weaker than others. We all need to better ourselves as best we can to prepare for Zarcon,” 

 

Lance rolled his eyes. “Well yeah, okay, duh Captain Obvious,” he looked Keith in the eyes again, trying not to sound petulant, “But you don’t give anyone else the same treatment. You don’t train anyone else after hours,”

 

Keith fidgeted on the balls of his feet, a fighter not sure where the next punch was coming from. 

“Yeah. No, it’s just you,” he confirmed, staring stoically down the hall over Lance’s shoulder. 

 

“Why?”

 

One of the doors nearby opened, Pidge carrying a cardboard box full of what looked like wire. She greeted them both with a distracted bob of her head, blowing past down the hall to the lab on the other floor, a small gust of air following her hasty exit. 

 

Keith’s eyes flashed and he stepped forward, head tilting back a little. 

 

“You smell like him,” he said venomously. 

 

“What? Keith-”

 

“Shiro scented you. You and Shiro are….” hurt and anger shone bright behind his shaggy dark hair and he started towards his door.

 

“Keith! No, it’s not like that,” And why did that matter to Keith anyway? Was he concerned it would jeopardize their battle with Zarcon somehow? 

 

“No, you’ve smelled like him all week, like you’re practically mated,” the dark haired boy spat, stalking down the hall and watching impatiently as the automated doors to his room hissed open. 

 

_ Like you’re mated.  _ Lance felt a little sick. 

 

“Seriously Keith, no, that’s not what’s going on,” 

 

The boy stopped, back towards Lance, arms back folded across his chest. 

 

“Then what is it like?”

 

Lance floundered for words, hands gesticulating uselessly in the air. “Uh...well, no, see,”

 

“Right,” Keith turned, expression as hard as stone. “I’ll see you in group training tomorrow”. 

 

And with that the door hissed shut and Lance was alone in the hallway, wondering what on Earth he’d done to piss Keith off so much. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I have a concussion, a new piercing, and an A on my calculus 2 midterm so I'm back to bring you more of this mess <3 
> 
> Also, I want to get in the habit of writing more in my daily life so! until further notice I'm taking writing prompts on tumblr for Voltron or Yuri on Ice! Send me anything you'd like and I'll try to get some drabbles out! Tumblr is linked at the end of the chapter :)
> 
> Thanks as always for your patience and your encouragement, I hope you guys like the chapter, I promise that some healing is coming soon

Lance spent the rest of the evening after his fight with Keith sitting in his room with his legs propped up against the wall, feeling the blood rush towards his brain. Maybe it would help him think.

 

Pidge seemed suspicious of something, accusatory almost. Shiro was clueless as ever, stiff and holding himself back but seemingly being honest about having feelings for Lance. And Keith was angry because apparently Lance was skipping the silently scheduled “weak-link” training Keith thought he desperately needed. 

 

At least Hunk was still being a good friend. He should do something for him, having someone that didn’t treat him weirdly was becoming a rare occurrence.

 

He needed to figure out a game plan. He needed priorities. He slid back a little so his head hung off the edge of his bed, gaze staying out of focus while he concentrated. 

 

Lance  _ needed  _ to kiss Shiro. Desperately. That was the biggest thing on his mind. If he didn’t make any progress with the man soon he was going to go crazy. At the Garrison Shiro had teased him for his constant affections and kisses, and they had been forced to make a strict No-PDA rule after multiple incidents where classmates caught them kissing and holding each other in dark hallways. He thought he probably missed it enough for the both of them. 

 

Lance needed to kiss Shiro and see if maybe the press of their lips would jar something in the older man, spark a new memory or invigorate greater interest. His heat was coming at the end of the month and though he was accustomed to spending it alone, if he could get Shiro comfortable enough with being touched and touching Lance, maybe he could at least get some comfort during it. But before that: kissing.  

 

More than once Hunk and Pidge caught him staring, eyes slightly glazed as he watched Shiro frown or smile or give an order. He knew what those lips felt like against his skin, against his throat, murmuring words that grew sweeter after each press of lips. Was it true, that after seven years, all the cells in someone’s body would be replaced? It had only been two-ish but that was still a lot of him that Shiro hadn’t touched and hadn’t kissed. He was almost positive that other than the few shy brushes of Shiro’s fingers over his hair in the past few weeks that all the hair on his head hadn’t been around for Shiro’s last ‘I love you’.

 

He needed Shiro. 

 

But Shiro was still being careful, moving slowly as if he would startle Lance. He always moved gently away when Lance tried to sit close, never moved their faces together, and in general kept him at arm's-reach. He’d clearly decided to start flirting with Lance (again) and getting to know him (again) but wasn’t letting himself push it any further. It was infuriating. 

 

It was time for Lance to take things into his own hands. 

The second priority was dealing with Keith (he hoped if Shiro and Keith were dealt with, Pidge’s weirdness would fall to the wayside as well). 

 

Lance supposed that he’d have to agree to more training and give up some of his time with Shiro to do it. Clearly the only thing that kept the raven haired boy appeased was when Lance subjected himself to extra workouts and (though he’d never tell Keith this) getting his ass kicked in their sparring. 

 

Ugh. Had anyone found the space coffee yet? 

 

He swung his legs down and sat up with a rush of dizziness which he gave up on trying to clear, instead just flopping more conventionally down onto his pillows. Well at least he had a game plan: 

 

  1. Kiss the love of his life
  2. Let Keith put him through the ringer



 

He went to bed, hoping to accomplish both the following day.

* * *

 

“Hey Hunk can I borrow one of your tank tops?”

 

His friend looked up from where he was messing with a weird Altean children’s puzzle, brow furrowed. His headband was in the laundry and his dark hair hung in soft waves around his face. Lance made a mental note to pay him a compliment about it later. 

 

“Buddy, you’re like half my width,”

 

“Yeah, yeah I know, I still want it though,” 

 

“Are you near your heat?” Hunk asked in concern, looking up from the puzzle again and inquisitively sniffing in Lance’s direction. Lance laughed and shook his head, touched by his alpha friend’s concern. 

 

“No, no- I don’t need to nest. I just need it,”

 

“That sounds sketchy,” Hunk was back to being skeptical, “What’s going on?”

 

Great now Pidge  _ and  _ Hunk were dogging him for info. 

 

“Nothing, I’ll give it back tomorrow okay? It’s for fashion,”

 

“For fashion?” Hunk looked around, his skeptical eyebrows clearly saying ‘we’re flying towards an alien war in an alien spaceship why the heck is fashion a concern here’. 

 

“The mice-” Lance said quickly, feeling heat slowly creep across the back of his neck and into his ears. “-they’re doing a little fashion show and I said I’d participate,”

 

“Oh!” Hunk perked up, “Can I watch?”

 

“Uuuuh,”  _ shit, why did Hunk genuinely care so much? How problematic. “ _ Maybe next time? It’s just this stupid little thing, it’s no big deal,” 

 

“Is Keith going to be there?” 

 

The question struck Lance as odd and he frowned, “Why would Keith be there? He knows less about fashion than Pidge does,”

 

“No reason!” Hunk said hurriedly. “Just curious. He’s always hanging around you and stuff that’s all. Thought he might be trying to hang out some more,” he raised one shoulder and gave a clearly fake shrug, “Just wondering, buddy,”

 

“Riiight,” Lance narrowed his eyes, “what do you know?”

 

“Nothing! If you want my tank top, I know nothing,”

 

Lance didn’t like how that sounded but knew he had a goal to accomplish. “Fine, you know nothing,” 

 

Hunk smiled and dug a clean top out of his dresser and passed it to Lance who thanked his friend and scurried back to his room. He had just gotten through the door when he stopped and made the realization-- though the tank top would make a cute makeshift dress that showed off his thighs, it would completely reveal his bondmark to Shiro.  _ Shit.  _ Operation Fake-Lingerie was a bust. He leaned back against the strangely warm metal of his bedroom door and sighed.

 

There was a knock on his door that rung through his ears and he jumped, wincing and fumbling to toss Hunk’s shirt into his closet. He yanked open the door with a scowl, seeing Keith and feeling his mood worsen.

 

“What do you want?”

 

“Do you want to fight some gladiator bots with me?” Keith was standing stiff and unhappy, as if someone had forced him to invite Lance, because there was no way he’d had the idea on his own the way he looked so self conscious. 

 

“You do plenty well on your own.” he sighed, rolling his eyes a little and hating that someone kept sending Keith his way, forcing the angry boy to try and train “poor omega Lance” who must really be a pitiful fighter as far as  _ someone  _ on the team was concerned. Something sickening in his gut told him that it might be Shiro. 

 

He had told himself that he’d make an effort to go through Keith’s hoops but something in him always reacted so viscerally when Keith was involved. 

 

Keith just blinked, clearly not expecting that answer and looking even more awkward. “I don’t want to. Be on my own, that is.” His face was red. Had he been working out already or something? He looked a little sweaty too. 

 

“Uh,” he had no idea what to say to that. Keith always wanted to be alone, “...why don’t you go ask Shiro then?” Shiro and Keith had always been close, until recently, he reflected. He hadn’t seen them talking much. 

 

“”I don’t want to. I asked you,” Keith was clearly getting aggravated now, “Are you coming?”

 

“I mean yeah, I can,” Lance grabbed his bayard from off his dresser and stepped into the hall trying to shake off his initial sour reaction. In contrast, Keith looked relieved, the unnatural tilt to his shoulders dissipating as he relaxed.

  
_ Be friendly,  _ he told himself.  _ We can’t be voltron if Keith is always pissed off. _

 

“What’s up with you?” he said, crossing his arms and attempting to make the sentence sound like he cared at least a little. 

 

“Nothing! Just excited to train,” the words were pumped full of a weird false enthusiasm, as if he was thinking very hard about something else. 

 

“Right,”

 

“Voltron….paladin defenders….robots...it’s all pretty cool you know?”

 

“Yeah...you seem thrilled,” 

 

“I am,”

 

Lance shook his head and let it drop, following Keith without much thought. It didn’t occur to him until they were walking down the hall near the engine rooms that they’d passed the training room a few minutes earlier.

 

“Hey where are we going? The bots you’re so in love with are back that way,”

 

Lance thought he could hear Keith suck in a sharp breath. “I know what I’m doing. Come on,” Keith lead them to one of the small windowed observation decks on the starboard side of the ship near the back thrusters. 

 

“What are we doing here?” Lance asked suspiciously. Keith looked like he was wired again, eyes flicking around with nervous energy. 

 

“I wanted to apologize for how I acted last night-”    
  


“Oh my god are you apologizing! Holy shit!” Lance grinned and laughed a little, “never thought I’d live to see the day-”

 

“Shut up!” Keith was seething and his cheeks were stained a deep red. 

 

“No, no go on. I want to hear all of it,” Lance gloated, twirling his bayard around his finger.

 

“Lance! God do you know how hard it is not to strangle you sometimes?” Lance deflated a little, feeling a bit guilty. He  _ was  _ supposed to be repairing things after all. “I just wanted to have a second to apologize,” Keith narrowed his eyes, waiting for another interjection that didn’t come, “and talk to you in private,”

 

“In private? Why?” 

 

“You didn’t answer me yesterday,”

 

Lance blew air out his lips and raised one eyebrow. “Answer you?” 

 

“Are you and Shiro….a  _ thing?”  _

 

And that was the question wasn’t it? They weren’t  _ not  _ together, Lance supposed. But other than the few times Shiro had politely scented him nothing much had happened other than talking. Getting to know someone better was part of a good friendship as much as it was part of a good relationship, wasn’t it? So what were they? 

 

“I...I don’t know,” 

 

“So you mean you haven’t decided?”

Lance looked at Keith in bewilderment. What did that mean? But Keith was looking at him, suddenly earnest, eyes flashing with something intense. “You haven’t chosen him yet,” he said, taking a small step forward. 

 

“I mean,” he’d chosen Shiro years ago, but he didn’t think that still counted since Shiro had used amnesia-backsies. 

 

“Lance,” Keith took another step forward and then Lance felt the soft leather of his glove against his cheek and before his lips could even shape themselves into the curve of the double-u for ‘what’ Keith’s were pressed into them soft and warm.

 

Lance didn’t know what to do. Keith clearly did. His other arm found Lance’s waist, pulling him close as his other hand tilted his head and he confidently moved their lips together. Lance made a soft gasp of maybe surprise or maybe shock and then he was opening his mouth and absurdly, kissing him back. It had been so long, so so long,since anyone had touched him like this.Keith was surprisingly skilled, soft and encouraging. Their mouths opened and Keith’s tongue found Lance’s own as their noses bumped together. Lance’s eyes fluttered traitorously shut and his fingers uncurled from their tight grip around his bayard.

 

The bayard hit the floor with a loud crack and instantly Lance came to his senses. His hands found Keith’s shoulders and he pushed, hard, stepping away and turning his face to the side, wiping at his face. 

 

“Keith! What the hell was that!” panicked thoughts were sporadic as he tried to clear his head from the kissing induced fog. He belonged to Shiro, why had he kissed Keith back?! He didn’t even like Keith! Lance looked over at him, embarrassed and confused and angry, but saw that the other boy was in no place to talk coherently either. He kind of looked like he was about to cry. 

 

“What the hell was that?!” he shouted, pointing his finger and digging it hard into Lance’s chest, “you know what, never mind,” he gave Lance a small shove. 

 

“You kissed me! Why?!” Lance spluttered, stepping forward againt to furiously glare down at Keith, “It was a sneak attack!”

 

Keith moved in a flash, his fist finding the fabric of Lance’s shirt and yanking down, forcing the taller boy to eye level. 

 

“When has a kiss  _ ever _ been unclear,” he hissed, hurt and fury making his purple iris’ seem to glow. 

 

“I-” the purple eyes went huge suddenly, realization evident in the parting of his lips and the way his eyebrows flew into his hairline. “You’re-you’re,”

 

Lance looked down in sudden horror. The way Keith had wrenched his shirt had revealed the faded scar of his bond mark and suddenly he couldn’t breathe. 

 

“You’re mated!” Keith let go, hand curling into his chest as if burned, “You’re-”

 

Lance righted his shirt, panic pressing in on his ribs. “Keith!”

 

“It’s old too, god,” Keith's hands found his hair and then seemed to lose it again, sweeping uselessly through the air, “you had someone on Earth, fuck, you’re-- god, does Shiro know?” anger seemed to take over the boy again, “You can’t just lead him on like that, god Lance what the fuck is wrong with you!” 

 

Lance nearly whimpered. The only reason the situation remained even a little bearable was due to Keith being a beta, and his pheromones not interfering with Lance’s emotions the same way an angry alpha or another omegas would. 

 

“Don’t tell him!” he breathed in a panicked whisper, “you can’t, Keith,” 

 

“Look, I get it, you don’t like me!” Lance couldn’t decide if he looked furious or heartbroken, did Keith really care about him that much? Keith liked him? “But you can’t do that to Shiro, either. I’m staying away from you but like hell he will, you’ve got him eating out of your hand! If you hurt him--” the threat was empty, Keith’s voice breaking a little. His face was so red Lance worried it’d catch fire. Luckily it looked like a few tears were escaping to help cool the blaze. 

 

“Don’t tell him, don’t tell him,” Lance pressed his palm uselessly against the spot where he was mated, biting his lip, and shaking his head. “He, he’ll know when he needs to, but I can’t- you can’t-”

 

“Oh fuck you! Just because you’re an omega doesn’t mean you get to mess with alphas like that,” he said defensively, “Tell him or I will!”

 

“No!”

 

Keith kicked Lance’s bayard aside and went stomping down the corridor at an alarming rate. Lance ran after him, grabbing his sleeve and yanking at him, trying to slow him down, the panic beating fast as a hummingbird in his chest. 

 

“No, no, no, Keith, you can’t, he won’t get it, you can’t,”

 

“You don’t get two, Lance. You can’t have whoever’s back on earth  _ and  _ get Shiro. He deserves better- hell I deserve better than you acting like any of us actually stand a chance!” 

 

Lance let go of the sleeve, seeing it was useless to argue. Keith spent a long moment, breathing hard and practically snarling at him before turning and fleeing back the way they’d come, sadness and rage radiating after him. 

 

Lance slumped to the floor, hugging his knees to his chest, unable to process the speed and the chaos with which everything had just happened.

 

Well. 

 

 At least he’d been kissed.

* * *

  
  
It had been three days and nothing had changed. Lance was constantly on edge, stealing glances at Keith and Shiro, but as far as he could tell, nothing had changed. Shiro still gave him smiles and invited him on walks. Keith kept his distance and wouldn’t make eye contact with him. 

 

Clearly he hadn’t told. 

 

They were sitting around the breakfast table when Allura stood, a grim expression on her face. She looked old suddenly, her white hair looking grey in the yellow lighting of the dining room, her frown creasing folds in her soft skin. 

 

“We’ve received word that three galra ships are attacking the Lithinigan system,” she began, gaze sweeping across all of them, “We have been called to send Voltron and attack,”

 

“Three ships?” Shiro asked, his stern professionalism activated. “What size? Do they have weapon systems?”

 

Allura’s face darkened. “They’re all fighter class and bigger than the castle,” she said gravely.

 

“No way we can defend against that,” Hunk said nervously. 

 

“Yeah Hunk’s right,” Pidge was gripping tight to her spoon, “we’ll be demolished,”

 

“It’s our duty,” Keith and Shiro said simultaneously. Everyone looked between the two boys. 

 

“They’re right,” Allura nodded. “If we surprise them we stand a good chance of at least scaring them out of that system. We have to try, you’re paladins, this is your responsibility,” 

 

Everyone was quiet. Lance didn’t look up from his plate of space goo. 

 

“Everyone to their Lions,” Shiro said quietly but with definite purpose. Slowly everyone stood, reluctantly but quickly going to change into their armor. 

 

“Shiro?” Keith stopped in the doorway, glad to see Coran and Allura huddled together and talking quickly, not paying attention to him.

 

“We don’t have time Lance. Go get ready,”

 

Lance stared at the older man, hurt blooming in his chest. “I just wanted to-”

 

“Yeah. I know,” Shiro gave him a small jerky smile. “We can hug after if you want,”

 

“Right,” Lance turned and ran down the hall.

* * *

 

 

_ “Lance, you have to use your scope to judge distance when you’re flying, even when you’re using weapons,” Shiro sighed and shook his head, taking off his cap and rubbing a hand through his dark hair. _

 

_ “But if I had just gotten that shot in then I’d have finished the objective!” Lance argued, flopping back in the pilot’s seat and stretching out his hands, sore from gripping the throttle so hard.  _

 

_ “Yeah but you still would have crashed into that asteroid. You can’t succeed in the mission and then have a fatal crash, that affects your score, and in real life, it’s actually fatal,” he was leaning forward, scrolling through the statistics and shaking his head. “You have a good handle on everything but you get distracted,” _

 

_ “Oh I’d love to be distracted right now,” Lance purred, leaning across to Shiro and tilting his face down towards Shiro’s. Shiro frowned and stood up, effectively forcing Lance to sit back again.  _

 

_ “Lance, you’re not making the pilot class cut,” he said bluntly, “you’re going to be put on probation.”  _

 

_ Lance’s face fell and he looked away. He knew he was riding a fine line in the program. He’d been spending too much time sneaking off with Shiro, a fact that was clearly making his boyfriend feel both guilty and annoyed.  _

 

_ “Look,” Shiro touched Lance’s shoulder, “I have an appointment with Colonel Whatley, run the sim again and see if you can keep your sense of speed and distance even when you look away from the monitor and into the viewfinder,” _

 

_ Lance nodded. _

 

* * *

 

“LANCE!” Keith pulled the Red Lion out of its steep dive, turning back and watching helplessly as the blue lion took a brutal hit, slamming into the hull of one of the drone fighter ships that had flown out when they approached, sending the lion spinning. 

 

“Lance, can you hear us?” Shiro said, voice calm but tinged with worry.

 

Lance couldn’t. He’d been tailing the drone, lining up the perfect shot, triumph already smirking across his lips- but as he’d pulled the trigger, he’d realized too late that he hadn’t been aware enough of the lion’s trajectory as he’d paused to take aim. The shot went off just as he reached the big galra craft and the wave of energy from the plasma cannon along with the impact sent his head snapping back, jerking against the crossed seat belts that held him in the pilot’s seat. Pain bloomed across the back of his head, and he felt something wet on his neck, his shoulder ached and between one tumble of the lion and the next, his eyes shut to the sound of Pidge, Hunk, and the rest of Voltron yelling his name.  
  


As soon as they were back in the hangar bays and the Blue Lion had made a clumsy land after being herded back by the rest of the lions, everyone rushed out to Lance, Blue letting them inside to help their unconscious friend. 

 

Lance was still strapped into the seat, head hanging listlessly forward and blood spilling down his neck and presumably into his shirt. Shiro knelt in front of the chair as Pidge undid the clasps, catching him as he fell forward into his arms and leading them all back out. 

 

“Call Allura, we need a healing pod prepared,” 

 

Hunk jogged ahead, worry etched across his open features. Lance was light in Shiro’s arms but a little gangly and difficult to balance with the weight of the armour, he couldn’t go quickly without worrying about hurting the already prominent head injury. He thought about how paramedics wouldn’t want Lance moved at all if they were back on earth. He missed the luxury of treating something with care. 

 

By the time he made it up, Keith and Pidge hovering nervously behind him, Allura was waiting with an open pod, her face somewhere between worry and anger. 

 

“What happened?”

 

“I’ll explain in a minute,” he grunted, laying Lance down onto the floor. “We need to get his armor off,” Keith nodded and with Pidge’s help the three of them started hastily but cautiously removing the big pieces, helmet first and then the chest plate, and everything across his arms and legs. Lance’s shirt was soaked in blood, and without thinking, Shiro peeled that off too to look for a wound. 

 

It was clear that the blood was just coming from where his head must have hit his pilot’s seat, and Shiro had to take a deep breath and remind himself that head wounds bleed a lot, it didn’t mean anything. 

 

Pidge noticed first. Her hand flew out to touch a slight abnormality in Lance’s skin color and she blinked, quickly pulling back, not looking surprised so much as sad. Shiro looked at her in confusion and then leaned forward, wondering if there was some cut or injury he’d missed. The cleaning pod would take care of it but he still wanted the full story. 

 

A bond mark, big and a little lopsided sat across Lance’s scent gland, old and scarred and laughing at him.

 

He’d never stood a chance. He felt sick. 

 

He and Keith lifted Lance into the pod, Allura typed something into its control panel, and all that was left to do was wait. Not for Shiro though, obviously. He could do all the waiting he wanted but that didn’t mean Lance would be with him. 

 

Shiro stared at the boy, who looked thin and pale in the strange liquid that suspended him. 

 

There wasn’t any chance that they could be together. Lance had already made a choice, and like an idiot, Shiro had blatantly disrespected it, even if he hadn’t known he was doing it at the time. 

 

Lance couldn't be his because he was already something elses. 

 

He turned his back to the tank and left the room, Keith following right after. 

 

* * *

_ “This seat taken?” Lance whispered, settling a hand on Shiro’s knee and leaning in to speak softly in the man’s ear.  _

 

_ Shiro made a startled gasp and looked over, eyes wide in the dark. _

 

_ “Lance!” he hissed, eyes flicking towards the supervisors towards the middle of the assembly room. _

 

_ “It’s too dark to see. I’ve missed you,” Lance complained, going ahead and settling himself on Shiro’s thighs, his back pressed to the lieutenant colonel’s chest. Shiro automatically wound his arms around Lance’s waist.  _

 

_ “This is dangerous! Iverson is right there!”  _

 

_ “None of us can see more than a hand in front of our face. Now be quiet we’re supposed to be looking at the star model,”  _

 

_ “Lance,”  _

 

_ Lance shut him up with a soft kiss, before facing forwards again. _

 

_ “Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth. And just so you know, the gift is a cute cuban boy,” _

 

_ Shiro stifled a laugh in the boy’s neck and kissed his collar where the bond mark was hidden.  _

 

_ “Do I get to keep it?” _

 

_ “The gift?” _

 

_ “Yeah,” _

 

_ “Well, duh, Shiro,” Lance shook his head, staring through the pitch dark and squinting at the small stars they were studying. _

  
All mine,  _ Shiro thought, squeezing him a little tighter.  _


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I so so wanted to publish this on Keith's birthday but it wasn't quite ready yet! But here it is, another installment of no-one-knows-how-to-communicate :)
> 
> I'm still taking prompts on tumblr, come chat about anything, anytime - the link is at the end of the chapter as always
> 
> Your comments make my day and I'm so touched by all the kind words I've been given here xoxo   
> College is difficult but really rewarding and I'm so happy to carve time out of my schedule to bring you this fic <3

“You knew?” Shiro studied Keith’s profile, watched the smaller boy’s jaw tighten and his eyes cast down towards the floor. They were leaning against the railing on one of the main bridges between the viewing deck and the command center. 

 

“Yeah. I saw it a few days ago,” Keith nodded, his voice quiet, laced with guilt and anger, though both were tempered by his worry for Lance. “I was going to tell you, I told him I would. I was kinda hoping that if I gave it a little time he’d come out with it himself.”

 

“But he didn’t.”

 

“No,” Keith agreed. “No, he kept lying.”

 

They were both quiet for a long time, processing and worrying. 

 

“Do you know who it is?” Shiro asked finally, pushing off the railing and turning to lean his back against it, arms crossed. 

 

“No idea. Probably someone from the Garrison, but I didn’t know him then. Maybe Hunk or Pidge knows?”

 

“Maybe it  _ is _ Hunk. He’s an alpha,” Shiro offered, shaking his head in disappointment rather than disapproval. 

 

“Betas can mark people too,” Keith snapped, perhaps a little too aggressively, “which means it also could be Pidge,”

 

“Right, Sorry.” 

 

“It’s fine.”

 

“No, I get it, it’s frustrating. But you’re right, Betas can bond with whomever they’d like, just like Alphas and Omegas, I didn’t mean to imply-”

 

“Shiro,” Keith gave the older man a look and he abruptly stopped with a sheepish look.

 

“Hey guys?” 

 

Keith turned at the sound of Hunk’s voice, the yellow paladin still wearing his armor but looking less anxious than when they’d left him with Lance.

 

“Allura says it’s just a concussion and a small shoulder dislocation from the force of the impact. He’ll be fine after the healing sequence is done.”

 

Shiro breathed a little less shallowly. “Great, thank you Hunk,” he smoothed his vest and made to head towards the healing bay. 

 

“But I don’t think you should be around when he wakes up,” Hunk added quickly, stepping in front of Shiro and cautiously holding up a hand. “I may not know what’s... _ going on _ between the three of you, but the way you guys looked at him,” Hunk crossed his arms, “that wasn’t cool of you guys. So figure yourselves out and then you can see him again.”

 

“Hunk,” Shiro stepped a little closer but was stopped when, for the first time since meeting the friendly boy, Hunk’s eyes went a little cold and Shiro could smell the hot scent of alpha. A warning. “Right,” he backed down and looked away. “We’ll stay away.”

 

Satisfied, Hunk gave a nod and left, his alpha presence dropping away as quickly as it had risen in defense. Keith whistled. 

 

“Someone’s protective.”

 

“He has good reason to be. I wasn’t...I didn’t react well,” and secretly, Shiro thought he had good reason not to.

 

“Neither did I,” Keith shrugged as if it didn’t matter. He started to pull of his armour, setting it on the floor with his nearby helmet, and then reaching up to pull his hair out of its ponytail (his preferred hairstyle for battle). Shiro watched him for a few moments. 

 

“You haven’t been talking to me, Keith.”

 

“I just was,” Keith raised dark eyebrows, “do you have memory problems or something?”

 

“I mean, in the past few weeks. We haven’t been talking like we used to.”

 

“Yeah, you and Lance have been doing your thing,” he draped the jacket over the railing and then bent to pull off his boots. “Three’s a crowd.”

 

Shiro examined the boy move, taking note of the stiffness to his hands and the tilt of his shoulders, the way his eyes stayed down, flicking around as if in search of something he’d dropped. 

 

“You like him too, don’t you?” 

 

Keith stopped.

 

“What?”

 

“You like Lance.”

 

“I, ew, no, I don’t like Lance! Who said anything about liking Lance?” 

 

Shiro started laughing and in an instant one of Keith’s boots arched through the air and smacked his side. 

 

“Hey!” 

 

“I don’t!”

 

“You’re lying, Keith, you’re blushing,” Shiro said, picking up the boot and tossing it back at him with less force than it had been thrown. Keith easily caught it and dropped it to the floor with a scowl. 

 

“I’m not! He doesn’t like me, I don’t care.” 

 

“Keith, he’s cute, he’s your age, there’s no reason you can’t like him. Except,” he frowned. “Now we know that he’s not on the market really,”

 

“Yeah,” 

 

They both deflated a little. Shiro reached out with the toe of his boot to nudge the side of Keith’s foot. 

 

“I have missed hanging out with you, though.”

 

“Yeah. Me too, Shiro.”

 

“You pulled away because you liked Lance and you knew I did too,” the words came out much closer to a statement than a question. 

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Then we can go mope together, okay?” 

 

“I don’t need to mope!” Keith’s words rang loud in the metal ship and Shiro laughed again, reaching out to ruffle his hair and knock their shoulders together. 

 

“Right, of course. Keith Kogane has never moped in his life, Keith Kogane is the happiest and most well adjusted-”

 

“Shut up!” 

 

“No!” Keith pushed at Shiro’s chest and Shiro dug his feet in, watching with a grin as Keith’s socks slid a little on the smooth floor. He gave up with a glare, the flicker of a smile tracing his lips. 

 

“Admitting defeat?”

 

“Come on, we should change, you smell like sweat,”

 

“I smell manly,” Shiro countered, following Keith towards their rooms. Their laughter echoed along the hall the whole way back.

* * *

  
  


“Lance!” Pidge flew to her feet as soon as the healing pod beeped with its finishing sequence, and Hunk rushed over to open the door, half catching Lance as his eyes slipped open and he stumbled out onto the floor. 

 

“Easy buddy,” he said, gently helping him sit on one of the steps. 

 

“Where’s….where’s Shiro?” Lance asked groggily, his hand flying up to touch the back of his head. Hunk shot a guilty look towards Pidge. 

 

“I didn’t want to overwhelm you,” he told Lance apologetically, “I sent him and Keith away.”

 

“Oh,” Lance accepted this and nodded, eyes closing again, still disoriented. After another few moments of breathing and feeling around his head he determined that he felt okay, all things considered. If the last thing he remembered was crashing Blue, (and  _ shit _ , he was going to have to apologize to her Big Time,) and now he was at the castle, nothing could have gone  _ too  _ terribly wrong. Right?

 

Pidge looked between Lance and Hunk and made an awkward gesture, pointing at the blue paladins neck and raising her eyebrows. Hunk frowned, not getting it. She repeated the motion and then held up one hand as if it was a tuft of hair sticking out from her forehead and mimicked Shiro’s shocked expression. Hunk bit his lip and shook his head. 

 

Lance didn’t know that Shiro had seen Lance’s mating bite and Hunk wasn’t sure they should tell him. At least not yet. 

 

Maybe they should trust Shiro to do it. Or trust that the man just wouldn’t say anything. There wasn’t any reason for Shiro to treat Lance any differently now that he knew, was there?

 

“Let’s get you cleaned up,” Hunk offered, holding out his arm. Together he and Pidge helped Lance up and to the showers, the boy slowly perking up as the fuzzy effects of the strange alien magic faded away. By dinner he was back to normal, wearing his bathrobe and slippers and welcoming Hunk’s parent-like concern because it meant more food. 

 

Allura was giving her standard recap of the mission, talking about future plans and the possible meaning of the newest attack in such a far off and rarely traveled system, but he didn’t pay attention. He was trying to catch Shiro’s attention. It wasn’t working. 

 

Shiro sat across from him and next to Keith, his head tilted in towards the smaller boy as they talked between statements from Allura. The corner of a mouth twitched upwards. Keith’s eyes sparkled in that way they did when he was trying not to laugh. Shiro touched his shoulder.

 

Lance swallowed.  _ Huh.  _

 

Everyone knew that Shiro and Keith were close, until recently they had spent the most time together outside of training and missions. Lance hadn’t really noticed when that stopped, when he had been the one Shiro started gravitating towards, but now that things had reverted again he felt it like a lash. 

 

Shiro had asked to court him. Had promised him an ‘after’ when they’d originally left for the mission. His jealousy was unreasonable, and he knew it. Especially since Shiro didn’t know that he’d kissed Keith, or well, been kissed  _ by  _ Keith. _ Talk about faithful. _

 

Reluctantly, he could admit to himself that there were a lot of things he wasn’t being honest to Shiro about.

 

With a start he remember that Keith knew about his mark. Had he told yet? He’d have to be a real asshole to spill his secret when Lance was in a vegetative state after crashing a giant alien space cat, but honestly he wouldn’t put it past him. The blue paladin remembered the press of soft lips against his and he felt his face heat up.  _ Asshole.  _

* * *

  
  


“You think so? I was thinking it could have been a distraction. I’d like Pidge to run her Galra tracking program and see if there’s any other Galra movement in the galaxy, even if it’s nonviolent,” 

 

“But there’s a rumor that the Lithinigan’s might have something to do with supply lines to the coalition in Sparv,” 

 

“Rumors? Are you linked into an alien gossip mill, Keith?”

 

Keith gave Shiro a grave nod, stabbing at the strange meat-ish texture on this plate, “It’s the galra half of me. Now I get all the hot gossip,” he explained, eyes shining in mirth.

 

Shiro shook his head, suppressing a grin and touching the boy’s shoulder. He’d missed this. 

 

Allura gave them a disapproving look and he forced his face stern again, nodding along as she kept talking.

 

His eyes darted to Keith again and he bumped their knees together under the table. Keith smiled into his water glass and bumped back.

 

* * *

 

_ “She has a crush on you,” Lance glared, rising out of his chair a little as he looked past Shiro to the blonde sitting at one of the lunch tables a few rows away.  _

 

_ “How can you tell?” Shiro asked, his face entirely too innocent. Lance’s glare shifted to his boyfriend.  _

 

_ “She keeps stealing looks at you, she asked you to help with her “flying”, she took off her uniform jacket when she saw you in the hall,” he listed, the words bitter. Shiro glanced back and then gave Lance an unimpressed look. _

 

_ “I think you need to calm down,” he said reasonably, “you did all those things too,” _

 

_ Lance’s eyes bulged. “Exactly! And the moves worked! She’s a copycat  _ and  _ she’s trying to steal you away!” _

 

_ “I won’t be stolen,” he eye rolled, but there was more kindness in his voice than irritation. His foot stretched out under the table, a heavy work boot knocking into Lance’s shin. Lance let out a breath and nodded, smiling. He lightly kicked him back.  _

 

_ “Can you still help  _ me _ with my “flying” this afternoon?”  _

 

_ Shiro blushed and nodded, yanking his foot back as Matt came around the corner, waving at the two of them and plopping himself down next to his friend. Lance bit the inside of his cheek and let his foot wiggle against Shiro’s calf a little before he pulled it in again. Their eyes met, happy with their secret.  _

* * *

  
  


Shiro needed time away from the Lance to clear his head. As their leader it was important for him to stand strong. To always know his bearings. The blue paladin had opened something in him that he hadn’t ever felt before: affection. Intimacy. Love? He couldn’t remember having ever felt quite that way about someone. 

 

And maybe it was wrong but maybe it was also inevitable that in the following weeks, with that connection to Lance cut off and the return of his best friend Keith, the feelings got all mixed up. He noticed the slope of Keith’s nose and the strange purple tint to his eyes. He watched the boy duck his head and cross his arms and the way he walked almost catlike down the long castle halls. He was narrow and wiry and strong and quickly, Shiro thought he could love him.

 

They started training together again, early in the morning before everyone else got up, both of them a little grumpy from sleep but slowly warming up their bodies in between shy smiles. 

 

He kept Lance at a distance and his concentration on that allowed Keith to slip in through a back door without him noticing. 

 

“You forgot your gloves,” Shiro called, bending down and picking them up off the floor. 

 

Keith glanced over his shoulder, turned away as he stripped off his sweaty shirt. “Oh, yeah, toss them,” he nodded, tucking the shirt under his arm and turning to face Shiro again. 

 

Shiro made a point of not staring at Keith’s chest or abdomen as he stepped forward, handing them gently over instead of the suggested throw. 

 

“Thanks,” Keith tucked them in his back pocket, eyebrows raised a little in curiosity. 

 

“Yeah. You were really great today”

 

“I know,” Keith’s face betrayed the slightest bit of smugness. He’d pinned Shiro down twice that morning. He was getting stronger. The hair at Keith’s neck was curling with the dampness of exertion and Shiro wanted to reach out and touch one of the curious ringlets. He felt like he was fourteen again, all long limbs and hormones. 

 

He jammed his hands into the pocket of his sleeveless hoodie so he wouldn’t be tempted. 

 

“Breakfast?”

 

“I think I’m going to shower, actually,” Keith said, watching Shiro’s hands. 

 

“Great, then I’ll-”

 

“Join me?”

 

Shiro froze.  _ Get a grip, he didn’t mean it that way.  _ “Uh, yeah. I guess I should rinse off.”

 

“You’d be doing us all a favor,”

 

“Ha! Funny, Keith.”

 

Keith grinned and started walking towards the Altean equivalent of a locker room, the wings of his shoulder blades shifting under pale skin. Shiro watched them sway and was ashamed of himself. 

 

Was he really so desperate for human contact that he’d transferred his crush on Lance to Keith? How fucked up was that? Keith trusted their friendship, he was arguably the only person Keith  _ did  _ trust and he was polluting it by thinking like this. 

 

He was disgusting.

 

Keith glanced back and gave him a curious look.

 

“Are you coming?”

 

“Yes. Sorry,” he responded mechanically, his legs starting forward. 

 

They went in and Keith took a long time kicking off his boots and taking off his socks, sitting on a bench and moving glacier slow. Shiro took a breath and ignored him, taking off his shirt, his shoes, his socks, and reaching for the loose sweatpants he favored for sparring.

 

“Wait-” Keith was standing again. Standing close. Shiro almost wanted to snicker at how far down he had to tilt his head to look him in the eyes. Keith drifted closer and both of them seemed to be holding their breath. 

 

“What are you doing?” Keith said softly.

 

“I don’t know, you said wait,” he breathed back, not daring to look away. Time was stretched thin over the space between them. Was he imagining the heat radiating from the beta?

 

“Oh. Yeah, I did,” 

 

“Oh.”

 

“So?”

 

“Keith,” Shiro’s hand reached without permission to touch the boy’s waist. It was still a little tacky with sweat. He could feel his pulse against his thumb. 

  
Keith leaned in.

 

A strangled cry echoed in the small tiled space and the boys flew apart, turning in tandem to see Lance sprinting past the showers and out the door that led to the dormitory hall, a hand clapped over his mouth and his bathrobe flapping, flashes of his dark legs standing out against the rich blue and gold.

 

Lance ran until his panic consumed too much air for him to continue. He slumped against the wall of a corridor far from the bathroom and gasped against his fingers, tears and snot threatening their arrival. 

 

He’d watched. Watched every day as Shiro pushed him away, made excuses, made time to see Keith. He hadn’t known why--hadn’t understood why the man had refused to say something to him. It was probably because he didn’t feel like he needed to. It wasn’t as if they’d really been dating. It wasn’t as if he knew that they were promised to each other. Lance clearly didn’t deserve a break up because he was never that important in the first place. 

 

So sure. Shiro could fuck Keith. He could do whatever he wanted. 

 

He wiped at his face with the sleeve of his robe and then sobbed again. 

 

Over and over and over and over. 

 

Maybe Shiro wasn’t someone worth falling for.

 

* * *

 

_ Lance scowled up at the scoreboard, arms crossed and a pit opening in his stomach.  _

 

_ JUNIOR CLASS PILOT RANKINGS: _

 

 

  * __Keith Kogane__


  * _Sarah Garns_


  * _Jasper Gillian_


  * _Alden Clarke_


  * _Peter End_


  * _Elizabeth Aarons_


  * _Dalia Briggs_


  * _Jody Hamilton_


  * _Ben Leck_


  * _Lance McClain_



 

 

_ Shiro stood behind his boyfriend with a soft look of understanding and apology, listening as his boyfriend angrily paced the small section of hall. _

 

_ “Damn it! That mullet kid Keith beat me again!”  _

 

_ Shiro had to fight the urge not to remind Lance that so had eight other people. Lance was almost quaking in fury and the man decided he should probably step in and ease things rather than inflame them further, even if his odd obsession with the mysterious boy in his class was a bit uncalled for. _

_ “Hey, you’ll get it next time,” Shiro said gently, “no one cares about this cadet Kogane,” it was a lie, but Lance didn’t need to know that the teachers were considering advancing Keith to the next level before the rest of his class.  _

 

_ “You’re not going to leave me for him?” _

 

_ Shiro looked around, worried about being overheard, but no one else was nearby. “I’ve never even met him,” he said calmly- defensiveness would just set Lance off even more. His omega huffed and nodded, and the anger faded into something closer to disappointment.  _

 

_ “I can’t be a cargo pilot again,”  _

 

_ “There’s no shame in-”  _

 

_ “Yeah, says the golden boy of the Garrison!” Lance snapped. Shiro frowned.  _

 

_ “That’s uncalled for Lance. That’s unfair.” _

 

_ “Life isn’t fair!” _

 

_ “That isn’t an excuse. Look, I don’t care if this Keith Kogane is the best pilot in the galaxy, I’d still pick you over him every time.” _

 

_ “I was just joking about that. I didn’t actually mean that you would do that,” _

 

_ “I know. But still. Come on, Matt’s mom sent wedding cookies and he gave me some.”  _

 

_ A small smirk flitted across Lance’s gloomy face. “Wedding cookies? Are you trying to tell me something?” _

* * *

  
  


Keith and Shiro stared at the blur-that-had-been-Lance as he flashed by with a ragged cry and both of them stared, frozen and confused.

 

Keith whirled on Shiro.

 

“Did you know he was here?”

 

“No!” 

 

Keith glared at the door and then turned away, snatching up his clothing with a red stain of shame marked across his face. 

 

“Wait, Keith,” Shiro reached for him and his hand was knocked away. 

 

“It’s fine, whatever, I don’t want-”

 

“He,” Shiro groaned and ran his hands through his hair, “he doesn’t matter, I, okay that sounds really bad,” he admitted. But it worked. Keith stopped again, his hands clutching his clothing. 

“He has someone else. He doesn’t get to be jealous because he has someone,”

 

“That’s still pretty messed up, Shiro,” Keith said quietly. “Clearly, that’s not how he sees it,”

 

“He lied, he doesn’t get an opinion,” 

 

“Shiro!” the harsh reprimand rung through the bathroom and Shiro flinched, knowing he was being awful. What was wrong with him? God, he didn’t deserve either of them. “Look. I don’t know why he hid it but I sure as hell know that Lance is a better person than I am. He has to have a good reason.” 

 

“I know, I-”

 

“Let me finish. I know he as a good reason, but because we don’t know it, we need to treat him like we would any friend who was bonded. He has no claim romantically over you or me when he’s already mated. So,” Keith stepped forward again and his eyes bored into Shiro’s. “Do you want to try?”

 

“Try what?”

 

Keith gave Shiro an incredulous look and dropped his armload of stuff, the boots loudly thumping on the floor. 

 

“It’s all you Shiro. You know what I’m saying,”

 

Shiro’s eyes flicked over Keith, with curiosity and longing. “You like me?”

 

“I’m your best friend. I’ve always liked you,”

 

“No but I mean,” 

 

“Yes, Shiro,” Keith looked like he was about ready to call it quits, shaking his head in frustration. “I mean what you think I do,”

 

“Well you’re being rather vague,”

 

“I kind of hate you right now,” Keith seethed. But he looked so petulant and small that Shiro couldn’t help but laugh, which just set Keith off too. The icy mood melted between their warm gazes, both of them shyly grinning in the dim light of the locker room. Shiro took a small step forward, the mound of clothing between them bumping into his shins. 

 

His hand caught on Keith’s waist, and after one more breathless moment, their lips collided. 

 

Shiro had never kissed anyone before, and he was surprised by the deep, instinctive reaction it pulled from him. He felt warmth spread through his veins and he gasped, leaning in and tilting Keith’s head back with a hand in his hair, his body knowing exactly what to do as their mouths met. Keith groaned softly as Shiro pressed closer, teeth tracing his bottom lip. Keith tried to move further forward and ended up desperately kicking away the dropped clothing that had built a wall on the floor between them. 

 

Their bare chests pressed and slid together, both of Keith’s hands coming up to hold onto Shiro’s neck. Everything felt hot and intimate, touches and caresses they were both foreign to seemed natural in each other’s hands. Shiro made his way down Keith’s neck, pressing a hot kiss under his jaw, his sharp nose cold against soft, warm skin. Keith’s fingers found Shiro’s hair, tugging gently and pulling a deep moan from the older man’s throat. 

 

“Keith,” Shiro breathed against his neck, lips hovering above the boy’s scent gland. Grey eyes flew up to meet lilac. 

 

“Kiss me again.”

 

Their lips moved in tandem, soft and slower this time, less urgent now that they had finally discovered the taste of each other. Shiro laughed against Keith’s mouth and Keith pinched his arm, eyes falling blissfully shut as they stayed intertwined. 

 

And they kissed.

 

Over and over and over and over. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies and other fun stuff at the end! But first: RATING CHANGE// EXPLICIT --the tags now reflect what will happen in this chapter. The explicit passages will be marked with *** at both the beginning and end if you'd like to skip over them, but I will say that because of the nature of this fic they do involve quite a bit of plot and character building. If you skip the smut and then want to have things cleared up, please leave a comment or message me on tumblr!
> 
> Thanks for reading!!

The two men pulled apart some time later, both of them flushed and a little out of breath. Shiro’s eyes darted to the floor and the elation he’d felt at Keith’s soft kisses evaporated as the heavy stone of guilt landed hard in his stomach. 

 

Keith seemed to sense exactly what Shiro was thinking and he frowned, snatching up his shirt, clearly a bit embarrassed of himself as well. 

 

“Lance,” Shiro started but Keith cut him off with a quiet look.

 

“We shouldn’t have done that,” the beta seemed to spit, pulling on his clothing and then tying his hair up again. 

 

“But I-” the leader sat on a bench with a heavy breath, a headache beginning in his temples. “I liked it.”

 

“You like Lance,” Keith shrugged. “I get it. I like him too. I like you, too. But if you can’t stop thinking about him when we’re,” Keith’s torso caved in, like he’d just taken a hit, “anyway, I think that this won’t work so long as you don’t know what’s happening.”

 

“I didn’t mean to hurt him,” Shiro said honestly. 

 

“Neither of us has the full story. All we know is that he has a mate out there who’s alive and hasn’t mated anyone else. Other than that, anything could have happened.” 

 

“Hunk said we have to stay away until we’re all figured out,” Shiro wanted to hurl himself out of an airlock. “I still don’t...know anything.”

 

“I thought alphas didn’t have to obey alpha commands,” Keith said, watching Shiro’s head drop. 

 

“It’s not the same as it would be for a beta or an omega but it’s still a threat,” he sighed. “I don’t want to cross him. We’re a team and he’s clearly protective of Lance. Which makes sense since I think Lance hates me and it’s definitely not unwarranted.”

 

“Lance doesn’t hate you,” Keith supplied unhelpfully, “I think he mostly hates himself.”

 

Shiro’s head snapped up and he stared at the red paladin as the smaller boy pulled on his boots, looking sweaty, stern, and a little hurt. 

 

“Why would he hate himself and not me?”

 

“Well I mean, hating you isn’t totally off the table. Or me, but I think that was true to begin with. I’m just saying that from his point of view I’m pretty sure it looks like you just abandoned him to get handsy with me. And I’m not saying I know Lance all that well, but from what I can tell, he’s going to ask what’s wrong with himself before he demands to know what’s wrong with you.”

 

“Oh...oh god,” Shiro said softly, staring at the door Lance had sprinted through. “I thought...I thought he’d want space.” 

 

“Shiro I have to go.” Keith was standing at his locker looking like something that had been stepped on.

 

“What?”

 

“Go apologize to him, and make it all better, and see if you get the story about the bondmark, okay? I’m going to go.”

 

“Wait, Keith!” Shiro stood but already his friend was marching fast and determined to the door, pushing it open and disappearing into the dark hallway. His chest hurt. He could still feel the brush of Keith's lips against his own. Had he really managed to ruin something with a kiss? 

 

He’d spent so long telling himself that he couldn’t afford to be selfish. That it was his job to stay at a distance. He wasn’t wanted, he was too broken. And the moment he’d tried to push that thought away and take that chance, he’d been met with nothing but the knowledge that he had hurt the two people he most wanted to protect.

 

Hurt them because he felt so strongly that there was something he needed to love, but couldn’t figure out what it was. 

 

His feelings for Keith had been strong and sure since the beginning. After he’d woken up in the desert shack, Keith had explained that Shiro had been his flight instructor for a few short weeks before Shiro had left on his Kerberos mission. Apparently they’d become friends, however briefly. So he stuck close to the boy and the friendship felt good. Felt right. Once they got to the Castle of Lions Shiro found that he liked talking to Keith and enjoyed the boy’s company. They fit well together, made of the same smoldering ash. He knew he hadn’t imagined that warmth.

 

Yet he felt so strongly for Lance, too. The gentle boy with big ideas and a grin, with so much dedication and energy that he made everyone on the team feel invincible. Lance’s blue eyes and dramatics and the quiet way he seemed to sense when people were hurting...he felt like home, and he wasn’t sure why. He hadn’t known him before the mission the same way he’d known Keith, but he was drawn to him in the same way. Lance was stronger than any force he’d known in space or on Earth.

 

So in some ways it was almost good that Lance was bonded. It would torture him, but at least then he could remind himself that if he pursued him he’d be a homewrecker. It was taboo to make a move on a bonded Omega. 

 

His chest ached. Why did he feel this strange compulsion to be with someone? He couldn’t remember ever feeling such a pull. Usually he was okay all on his own. But since his time with the Galra it felt as though something in his heart was raw and crying for attention. 

 

He should remove himself for awhile. Should think about what he was doing. Unbidden his thoughts turned sour again.  _ Broken, unworthy, selfish, hurtful.  _

 

Shiro silently promised that he wouldn’t let himself hurt either of them ever again. Which meant he couldn’t love them since that’s all his love seemed to accomplish.

 

Either way he needed to talk to Lance. 

 

Shiro considered himself a brave guy. Kicking Galra ass? No problem. Risking his life for the greater good was in his DNA. Approaching the fierce and beautiful omega he had so cruelly abandoned out of his own selfish need to protect himself? Terrifying. He wouldn’t be surprised if Hunk  _ did  _ beat him up. He probably wouldn’t fight back either. 

* * *

  
  


_ Lance was drunk. So drunk he couldn’t keep his mouth closed, propped against Hunk, eyes darting over to Shiro where he was quietly drinking with some of the upperclassmen.  _

 

_ “God he’s hot, Hunk. Shit.” _

 

_ Hunk looked over, squinting through the haze of pot smoke and shaking his head. “Who?” _

 

_ “Shiro,” Lance sighed dreamily, “He’s so good in bed too, absolutely amazing,”  _

 

_ Hunk stared at his friend in alarm and confusion. “Lance?!” _

 

_ “I mean I’m just guessing,” Lance’s face was pink, Hunk assumed it was because of the shots of tequila earlier, “I don’t actually know. That would be weird, haha. Can you imagine if he dated one of his students? Do you think he’d date me?” _

 

_ “Lance!” Hunk repeated, shaking his head. “You’re wasted bro, let’s get you back to the dorms.” _

 

_ “No I want to talk to him,” Lance insisted, eyes tracing the Alpha’s form. He was wearing the jeans that Lance liked. What a tease. _

 

_ “I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Hunk shook his head. He could just picture it, Shiro looking uncomfortable and embarrassed as a drunk Lance threw himself at the poor lieutenant.  _

 

_ “No, no it’s okay I’ll be right back,” Lance insisted, pulling away from Hunk. But instead of approaching Shiro he disappeared towards the bathrooms. Hunk was confused but he didn’t see Shiro around so he shook it off, heading towards the snacks table for more queso and to see if Cadet Aniston was still around. She looked adorable in the pink sweater she was wearing earlier. He’d leave Lance to do what he wanted so long as it didn’t involve harassing the older students.  _

 

_ Lance reappeared twenty minutes later looking far too pleased with himself, one shirt button undone and a fresh bruise on his neck. Hunk didn’t notice. Somewhere down the hall Shiro’s face was flushed pink and he was trying very hard not to look like he’d just had a quickie with his boyfriend in the bathroom.  _

 

_ “Did you enjoy the party?” Hunk asked, helping Lance back to the dorm, the boy walking in a squiggly uneven line.  _

 

_ “Oh did I,” Lance breathed, tipping his head back with a sigh.  _

 

_ Hunk chalked it up to the booze.  _

* * *

  
  


Keith was the one who found Lance first and completely by accident, almost bumping into him as the raven haired boy took the long way back to his room, hoping to avoid seeing anyone. 

 

“Hey watch it!” Lance said reflexively, stumbling back, his face red and clearly tearstained. The moment he registered it was Keith, Lance’s hand twitched and he stepped back even further. “What the fuck?”

 

“Lance,” Keith swallowed and decided that he really didn’t have the emotional maturity to tell Shiro to make things right with Lance  _ and  _ do right by Lance himself. He’d been the most adult out of the three of them so far and it was exhausting and frustrating. All  _ he’d  _ done was kiss Lance, obey Hunk’s order to stay away unless he could play nice, and kiss Shiro. Which...okay didn’t sound super great when you stacked up the facts like that… but he was pissed anyway. 

 

He’d had a crush on Shiro before the man left for Kerberos, even when it was clear Shiro wasn’t interested in him- there were even rumors that Shiro was in love with someone, always sneaking away at night. When they’d rescued Shiro two years later and he didn’t remember him, Keith figured he should do his best to give Shiro the friendship the man had forgotten. Then he’d started finding Lance charming and his whole world had gone to shit. Fucking asshole. And after  _ that _ fiasco he’d thought he might have a chance with his friend Shiro, and somehow angered Lance because Shiro had lead Lance on, but Lance wasn’t even on the market apparently and- and- --

 

His head hurt. He needed to go back to bed. 

 

“Wow. The first time you talk to me in weeks and all you can say is ‘Lance’. I guess I should be lucky you remember my name,” the blue paladin spat, his heartbreak melted down into concentrated anger. 

 

“Lance look it’s not like that,” Keith grit his teeth, “Hunk-”

 

“Oh so it’s Hunk’s fault?” Lance rolled his eyes. “He told me about the Alpha command, if you could even call it that. It literally just required you two to be honest with me.” 

 

“You don’t have to get so defensive!” 

 

“The fuck I do!” Lance wasn’t above causing a scene. “Both of you can fucking astral project out of my life!”

 

“He still likes you better!” Keith exploded, tears springing up in his violet eyes. “Are you happy? He likes you better. He kissed me and then the first thing he said was your name!” 

 

Keith had felt the guilt too, felt bad that Lance had seen them, knew what lance would think, knew that they’d messed up. But he’d still wanted Shiro despite the mess. But Shiro seemed to like the mess better than he liked Keith. Shiro liked to self sabotage himself that way. 

 

Lance blinked at Keith in silence, totally taken aback. He’d never seen the beta look as if he might...cry? He didn’t think Keith even had tear ducts. He didn’t think Keith had any emotions other than outright hostility-or that’s what he’d thought before the kiss anyway.

 

“What?”

 

“I kissed him and he rejected me. Seems you two have a lot in common,” Keith was forcing air in and out, the urge to cry like a viper hissing in his throat, urgent and dangerous. “And I fucking told him to apologize to you.” 

 

Lance stared at Keith in bewilderment. It was so odd to see one of Keith’s outbursts and realize that he was angry at himself and not at the person he was yelling at. 

 

The blue paladin didn’t really know what to say. It was a long few minutes and then Keith just shook his head, taking a breath and pushing past him without a word. He had made two dramatic exits in the last ten minutes and if he had to deal with anymore bullshit from Shiro  _ or  _ Lance he would be exiting out of an airlock. 

* * *

  
  


Lance headed to his room, feeling drained and sort of warm, wondering if he was coming down with something. He changed into soft pajamas and sat on top of his bed covers, a beat up sci-fi paperback of Pidge’s keeping him company in the too-empty room. 

 

But as much as he tried to focus on the weird alien race that was inhabiting giant earth rats and plotting to overthrow the government, his mind kept wandering off to what he’d seen and what Keith had said. Shiro had asked for him after kissing Keith. What did that mean? Was Shiro feeling the pull? Had he remembered the promise he’d made? Was he finally going to come back?

 

The thought should make him happy, but inside he was still hollow. Keith had looked just like he had after kissing Lance-- like someone had twisted a knife into his stomach. It didn’t make Lance feel good. Because even if it felt like Keith was always better and smarter, his competitor more than his friend, he couldn’t help but care about him. 

 

I mean- just for the sake of Voltron. He wasn’t fond for the mullet outside of the necessities of being a team or whatever. He liked Shiro. He loved Shiro- even if that love felt more fractured by the day. 

 

_ Quiznak.  _ Lance hated all of it. What would happen if he just came clean? Put on a low-cut shirt, went up to Shiro and said ‘Hey man, you’re my mate, what are you going to do about it?’

 

There was a timid knock on his door and he groaned, letting the book fall onto the blankets of his bed. 

 

“Go away Hunk, I’m fine.”

 

“It’s not Hunk,” Shiro said timidly, the metal door sliding open when the black paladin’s tech hand accidentally got too close to the door’s magnet. 

 

“Go away Shiro, I’m fine,” Lance repeated in the same dead voice. 

 

“I need to apologize to you. Set things right.”

 

“Clear your conscience you mean?” Lance wasn’t sure where the acidic bile in his tone came from but he let it seep through his teeth. 

 

“No, it’s not like that. I just want to talk.”

 

“Then go ahead.” Lance picked up the book again and made a point of staring down at the pages. Shiro took a step into Lance’s room and the younger boy’s eyebrows flew up so fast they practically propelled Shiro backwards. The alpha stayed in the hall. 

 

“I messed up. Big time. I,” Shiro’s hand, the one still made of flesh and bone, found the back of his neck, fingers anxiously feeling the short stubble of his undercut, “I really like you Lance. And it surprised me,”

 

Lance laughed, low and bitter, eyes not coming up from the book. 

 

“No! Not like, I was surprised to like you, more like I was surprised to like anyone. I’ve never been good at being open, I’ve never done this before. But being around you felt good. And when I saw that you were bonded I...I didn’t react well because it felt like all those good feelings I’d had were wrong. But I should have come to you right away. I was angry, and embarrassed and I was selfish. So I’m really sorry.” 

 

Lance was trembling a little, eyes clouded with tears. He couldn’t see the small print of the dumb novel. 

 

“Is that all?”

 

“No,” Shiro breathed, eyes big and earnest, “I could apologize to you a hundred times and it wouldn’t be enough. When I abandoned you I know I hurt you really badly. But it wasn’t because you were doing anything, it was just me--I was so- I was so wrong.” 

 

“Yeah. You were,” Lance agreed, still trying to ignore him. He could feel the soft grey gaze of his alpha, the apology for being abandoned burning too hot because it ran too deep. 

 

“So I’m sorry. And I know you don’t owe me this, and you don’t even have to answer, but I want to know about your mate.”  

 

Lance froze. His blood felt too hot, racing too fast. 

 

“What?”

 

“You’re bonded. And that’s why I reacted so horribly. And I guess I’m just curious to know...if the bond is...if it was mutual. I mean they’re alive still. And they haven’t bonded anyone else. So...were you in love with them?”

 

Lance’s lungs were a six sided breathing box, soggy and made of cardboard. 

 

“Yes,” he said, so quietly he wasn’t sure Shiro could hear. But the Alpha nodded, his face looking pale.

 

“Good. I’m glad. And they loved you? They were good to you?”

 

“Perfect.” Lance nodded, throat like sandpaper. 

 

“That’s great,” Shiro’s weight shifted a little. He was still standing outside of the room. 

 

“Did you meet them at the Garrison?”

 

“Yes”

 

“Are you...still together?”

 

“I’m not sure,” Lance said honestly, hugging his knees to his chest. It really was hot in there,  _ quiznak was Coran messing with the castle settings again? _

 

Shiro looked puzzled and Lance sighed. 

 

“We were separated...it was kind of sudden...and now I’m fighting an intergalactic war so it’s all just kind of,” he waved one hand around, “ya know?”

 

“Yeah. I’m sorry Lance. But the mark is still there, so they haven’t moved on,” Shiro offered, trying to sound soft and encouraging. Lance rolled his eyes. 

 

“Right.”

 

“You don’t think so?”

 

“I...I’m waiting to see.”

 

“So you’re waiting for them?”

 

“Yes,” Lance whispered, looking away towards the wall. “I’m waiting.”

 

“I hope he comes back to you,” Shiro smiled, eyes very sad. Shiro would stay away, even if it made him feel deflated inside. They could be friends, but he couldn’t love Lance the way he wanted to. “You...you deserve the best. You’re incredible. Any alpha would be lucky to…” Shiro swallowed and looked away, not wanting to make Lance feel guilty. He really and honestly just wanted to see him happy. 

 

“Yeah...thanks Shiro.” Lance mumbled, face flaming red. “Yeah I... I love him a lot. I miss him. So I’m waiting for him.” 

 

“I’m glad. That’s good.” Shiro rocked on his heals and Lance took a breath. 

 

“If...If I wasn’t waiting…”

 

“But you are Lance.” Shiro stopped him before the boy could break his heart.

 

Lance looked at him for a long moment, his lip trembling. Shiro wanted him. That was clear now. Should he tell him? If he spilled the secret would Shiro pull him into his arms? Did he even want him to? 

 

Shiro had been kissing Keith just a few minutes ago and now here he was looking at Lance as if they were lovers again. Only Lance had turned him down. He had made sure that the alpha knew that he was waiting on someone else. His body felt scalding and his stomach tightened painfully. 

 

“Keith wants you,” he said, voice softer than silk. “He wants you so much. More than he wanted me.” 

 

Shiro’s face contorted in confusion and pain. “What?”

 

“He likes you. You should…”  _ what the fuck is was he doing? Was he really going to give him up? Was he really that scared?  _ “You should…you deserve…” he shook his head and dropped his face in his knees. 

 

The older man breathed and nodded, understanding what Lance was doing. “Okay,” he looked at him with big sweet eyes. “If you need anything...I’m here for you.”

 

“Thanks,” he shook his head.  _ Was his heart pounding?  _ “I….fuck, can you,” he felt dizzy, and he slowly fell back into his pillows. “get...Hunk.”

 

Shiro watched in confusion, stepping inside in concern and reaching out for the boy. But the moment he was into the threshold the wave of scent was so strong he felt like he was going to faint. Omega, rich and warm, in heat and begging for a mate. He gasped and stumbled back, his biology pulling at him  _ hard.  _ He needed to get Hunk. He needed to--- no. 

He violently shoved the idea of getting any closer aside, of touching the boy at all. He couldn’t do that, he’d never forgive himself. 

 

So the alpha turned and ran. 

 

* * *

 

Hunk came in with a pile of blankets and clothing, Pidge hovering behind him as the alpha settled everything around Lance on the bed, the yellow paladin breathing shallowly so he wouldn’t become too intoxicated by the boy’s heat. Lance was curled up small in the center of his bed, groaning and already shirtless. 

 

“Hey buddy, here’s some stuff if you need to nest, and I’m gonna leave this jug of water on the nightstand,” he said gently. 

 

“Shiro-” Lance whined, chest heaving. 

 

“Uh….no, it’s Hunk,” the boy blushed finishing with his task and starting to back away. “If you need anything else just yell, okay?”

 

Pidge nodded, her face one of profound discomfort but not disgust. She understood. Matt was an omega and he was always a mess in heat. Hunk gave her a quick look of parental concern and then he hurried out, knowing if he stayed too long that Lance would start begging for him as an alpha or his own rut would be triggered. He could never let their friendship be tainted that way.

 

Pidge lagged behind a second to pull a crumpled wad of clothing from behind her back, lobbing it onto the bed from her spot near the door. 

 

“Watch it,” Lance moaned weakly, glaring at her with eyes that were swallowed by dark pupils. 

 

“Great. Fantastic. Kill me for doing you, like, the grossest favor ever,” she grumbled shaking her head and then escaping to the hallway. She had, like any good and noble friend with a brain, snuck into the locker room and stole stuff out of Shiro and Keith’s lockers because she often felt like she was the only person on board the castle with a brain. She’d seen the nonsense and the whispers and heard the arguments. She’d seen the bond mark. Some shit was up and it had been for weeks. If a distressed Lance could appreciate Shiro or Keith’s sweaty shirts, then her work was done. 

 

***

 

Inside the room Lance groaned again, pulling the pile of blankets closer, rooting through them to find what he was looking for. Hunk’s alpha scent was calming, good for the base layer, but not what he needed. He needed Shiro.  _ God.  _ He’d been through almost ten heats without him since Shiro had left on his mission and they never were this painful, he’d never had his alpha so close, close enough that Lance could get to him, could have him under his hands again. It made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up and his arousal throb. He was so close but he couldn’t actually have him.

 

“Shiro,” he whined a second time, pressing his face into his pillows as he slowly rutted against the mattress. The bed clothes shifted and suddenly he caught a whiff of the scent he was looking for, sitting up to desperately tug at what Pidge had thrown, finding a sweatshirt and inhaling the perfect mix of spice and detergent, suddenly transported into one of Shiro’s hugs. 

 

_ How could he go through hell and back and still smell the same? Still smell like home? _

 

It only made things worse. He could feel his dick pressed hard and tight against the band of his jeans, and it was painful, but he hated,  _ hated,  _ how gross and animalistic this made him feel- he hated caving in. 

 

He curled onto his side, using his mate’s clothing as a pillow, Hunk’s blanket around his shoulders to keep him warm. He breathed deep slow breaths and tried very very hard not to think about how good it would feel to have Shiro sliding inside him, to have his hand curling around his cock in a gentle fist, his sleepy morning lips against the back of his neck.  _ Fuck. _ he imagined what Shiro’s smooth mechanical hand would feel like moving into him and it made him cry out. 

 

_ Pathetic.  _

 

He shoved away his pants and his boxers, grabbing his dick and pumping it with a whiny gasp, closing his eyes and desperately imagining Shiro. The last time they’d slept together Shiro had spent hours lovingly taking him apart, his hands firm and warm. They’d felt on the edge of something big, Shiro leaving making everything scary and desperate and slowly passionate in one big mess of a night spent in the same bed. He shivered and his hand moved faster, shifting so his other arm could reach behind himself and shyly press near his entrance. 

 

He rarely touched himself like this, finding it too much work to make it feel good without a partner and outside of his mating cycle, so just the press of fingertips made his stomach jump. The pucker was already a little wet and he eased in the tip of his finger while his fist kept up a jerky uneven rhythm, still imagining how it had been before Kerberos. 

 

_ “My beautiful mate, I’m going to miss you,” Shiro breathed, his lips tracing a warm flutter across Lance’s hip, voice rough after having sucked Lance’s cock long and deep, his fingers still gently rubbing inside the boy, teasing at the sweet spot that made him arch.  _

 

_ “Shiro, oh,” Lance curled forward, touching soft dark hair, overwhelmed with pleasure and the deep sadness of knowing how little time they had left. Eight hours til launch.  _

 

_ “You’re my world, my starshine,” the words were syrupy sweet and Lance would have teased his alpha for it if Shiro didn’t look so sincere as he twisted his fingers again. “Can you come again?” _

 

_ “No--” Lance’s voice was broken and sore from crying out the first two times his mate had fucked him: deep and slow, rocking every pleasure from his body. Already he could see bruises blossoming on his thighs and his hips, little reminders that would linger in the first few weeks that Shiro would be gone.  _

 

_ “Oh come now, cadet,” Shiro smirked mischievously, his tongue laving over the head of Lance’s dick where it was propped against his stomach, “Not even for me?” _

 

_ Lance laughed without humor, rutting down and twitching away in the same movements, overstimulated but burning with the need for more.  _

 

_ “Please-” _

 

_ “Of course,” Shiro swallowed him down again, his face pinched in concentration, his fingers pressing harder, faster against him, the little dorm bed shaking and occasionally thumping against the wall, both of them far too wrapped in each other to consider the peace of the student sleeping on the other side.  _

 

_ “I love you Shiro, god, fuck, I can’t--” _

 

_ Shiro pulled back to grin, his face open and almost laughing, “Patience yields focus,” he smirked, before making the boy see stars.   _

 

////

 

Lance came with a cry, body spasming as the first release of his heat scorched through him, shaky and too fast to enjoy. 

 

But something was wrong. 

 

***

 

The voice at the end, his fantasy, he hadn’t heard those last words in the smooth low tone of his lover, his mate. It had been Keith’s voice, higher and rougher, bringing with it images of a narrow waist and sculpted shoulders, a pouting scowl and flushed red lips. 

 

_ Fucking hell. Was he ever going to catch a break? _

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YALL I did not mean to leave this un-updated for so long holy shit. 
> 
> Chapter six really seemed to hit some people's nerves though and some reactions made me really scared and anxious to continue the story. There were so many sweet people who were so excited though, so I gave it some time to cool down and now I'm back and happy to keep writing. I guess my statement is this: Am I aware that these characters have done some shitty and emotionally abusive things? Yes. Do I have a carefully outlined way to heal all of their hurts in a healthy and communicative before they even start a relationship? Also yes. So you're just going to have to stick with me; Shiro is only human and all of them are operating on limited information and a whole lot of stress. If you don't like it, please don't read. 
> 
> WOW there are 200 (!!!) comments on just chapter 6 alone!!! thank you guys so much!! I'm so sorry I haven't replied to any of them; it got away from me really quickly and when some arguments started cropping up I was scared to read any more. But to everyone who said nice things, I am so so so grateful and you guys are the reason this is getting updated <3
> 
> To all the lovely people who've stopped by my tumblr i love you and you're welcome to chat with me anytime! Some people have dropped by for spoilers and like, if you really want to know how its gonna go down I can totally give you the deets. 
> 
> Be sure to check out the art [here](https://hardlynotnever.tumblr.com/image/166832457090) and [here](https://daydreaminsummerrain.tumblr.com/image/167215763305) that some absolutely AMAZING individuals have made for this fic and for which I am not worthy. You guys are all brilliant and I love you, thanks for putting up with this mess <3


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long time no see! BUT this chapter is double the normal length! I hope you enjoy! Once again the most explicit material is marked with *** so you can skip it but the porn is pretty plot heavy. See the end for more notes!

 

Shiro had gone right away to retrieve Hunk, but once the yellow paladin had disappeared, he was left in the hallway, blushing and still remembering the heady sweet scent of Lance in heat. Just that small whiff had been enough to unravel something knotted tight inside his chest. He hurried to his room, closing the door with a frustrated grunt, not waiting for the mechanics to slide it shut. 

 

He could picture perfectly the needy, flushed look on Lance’s face, the way the boy’s rich dark skin had glowed like a spark had been lit somewhere deep inside of him. Shiro had so badly wanted to touch him, whether to smother the spark or fan the flames he wasn’t sure.

 

The paladin sucked a breath in through his teeth, the air cold, and then sat on the edge of his bed, counting inhales and exhales to control himself. Allura had spent a lot of time with him when they’d first arrived on the ship, teaching him ways to meditate and calm his energy. He figured that his constant internal unrest must have been obvious to everyone. But even as he held his breath and counted to six and tried to feel his weight against the floor, the only thing he could focus on was Lance.

 

He’d looked like he was about to cry just before that. Why? And why had he sounded like he wanted Shiro to go after Keith? He’d looked torn, upset about it, but that didn’t make any sense either, since Lance was waiting for his mate from back at the Garrison. 

 

He tried to compose the facts in a neat list for himself.

 

  1. He liked Lance
  2. He liked Keith
  3. Lance was taken and waiting for his bonded mate
  4. He could not have Lance
  5. Keith thought he liked Lance better
  6. Lance had told him to go after Keith
  7. Keith liked him back but was upset 
  8. He needed to explain things to Keith



 

He counted a few more inhales and then laid down, keeping his hands in fists, eyes shut tight. He breathed again. Taking all the facts together, the conclusion seemed to be that he should pursue Keith. Pursue him quietly and without flaunting it since Lance was still nursing something….maybe misplaced feelings? Did he feel guilty for liking Shiro when he was already bonded? The thought of Lance falling for him, even just a little, while the omega was still taken was flattering...and made guilt sour on his tongue. 

 

Trying to sort everything out with arousal warming his skin gave him both a headache and a hard on. Shiro groaned and rubbed his eyes. He should shower. He and Keith had somehow both forgotten that step. 

 

The kiss with him had been hot. Electrifying.  _ A mistake,  _ something deep within him whispered. 

 

Was wanting Keith a mistake only because there had once been the possibility of someone else in the equation? 

 

He felt too hot, his skin tight. He wiped sweat off of his forehead and groaned, hoping the strange feelings would pass soon. 

  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_ Lance watched Keith and Shiro walk into the cafeteria, both of them smiling, Keith speaking quickly with little hand gestures, his violet eyes focused on Shiro’s face. Lance had never seen the cadet talk so much in the entire year they’d shared classes.  _

 

_ The omega’s eyes left Kieth to look at his boyfriend. Shiro’s gaze was warm and friendly, softer than what he ever showed anyone except his closest friends.  _

 

_ Lance  _ hated  _ the gnaw of jealousy that pushed at his ribs, an obnoxious puppy begging for attention. He tried to push it away, to distract himself, looking down at his meal and stabbing broccoli onto his fork. _

 

_ Just one more glance. He knew where Shiro had gone without even watching him go, he liked to sit near the main dish line, the table with seats stained in yellow paint from some prank some of the girls in Shiro’s class pulled when Shiro was still a cadet. He was the kind of lieutenant who was friends with all of the cafeteria workers and ate extra helpings of everything.  _

 

_ Keith was there with him, the two dark haired men sitting across from each other, Keith still talking animatedly while Shiro shoved food in his face. He had never been a graceful eater. But he laughed at something Keith had said and nodded, wiping his hands on a napkin.  _

 

_ The whole thing played out to Lance like a silent film. A romance.  _

 

_ They spent the whole meal talking, laughing, staring at each other. Had Shiro even noticed Lance when he came in? The Cuban boy shrank in on himself and then felt a sharp nudge at his side.  _

 

_ “You’re sulking into my pudding,” Hunk warned. _

 

_ “I’m not sulking.” _

 

_ Hunk rolled his eyes and then gave Lance a concerned friendly look. _

 

_ “I know you heard about Amanda agreeing to go out with Hadeem,” the Alpha said seriously. “That sucks buddy, I know you were into her for awhile.”  _

 

_ Lance blinked in confusion for a moment before his face warmed. He’d gone on some dates with Amanda the last school year after flirting relentlessly with her for weeks. They’d had some fun and Lance had really liked dating her but she admitted she didn’t want anything very serious and Lance spent the next few weeks feeling rather dejected.  _

 

_ Amanda was as beautiful to him as ever but it wasn’t her that he spent all of his time thinking about anymore. He had barely registered her walking hand in hand with another one of their friends to Calculus that day. _

 

_ “Oh. Right. Yeah that…” It was an easy lie to fall into. “Maybe I am sulking. But just a little.”  _

 

_ ~~~~ _

 

_ “Lance,” Shiro gave him an unimpressed look, eyebrows crunched together. “Are you really...are you jealous?” _

 

_ Lance didn’t want to look at him, sitting on Shiro’s bed and staring down at his notebook as he pretended to study. A big hand lifted it gently from his fingers and Lance sighed, keeping his eyes downcast.  _

 

_ “He’s the better pilot. He’s been on top of the standings for months. And he’s cute, don’t tell me he isn’t. I know cute, and he’s cute.”  _

 

_ “Lance,” _

 

_ “And I know I’m being stupid! I know I am! But he gets to train with you and sit with you at meals and I can’t because we have to be so fucking careful and,” _

 

_ “Lance-” _

 

_ “You’re leaving soon! Shiro, you’re leaving in sixteen days and it’s really really hard to be supportive of you leaving and you being so great when it means I have to give you up,”  _

 

_ Lance’s eye’s swam with tears, throat aching like he’d swallowed a golfball. Funny. He thought his pride would have been a bit bigger than that.  _

 

_ “And I know that’s selfish! I know! And I hate that I’m like this but god Shiro I just don’t want to lose you. Not down here, not to Keith, not to the outer reaches of the scary god damn solar system that no one has even been to yet.”  _

 

_ His whole body shook, his face a river. And then big arms, warm and strong, were lifting him up into Shiro’s lap as the older boy settled on the bed, folding him into a Shiro-cocoon. He felt kisses dropped into his hair and his body shuddered for the irony of all of it. He was the one who had Shiro, body and mind, heart and soul, the cranky early mornings and the lazy afternoons. And yet he still felt like he needed more, like he needed to take Shiro in big fistfuls and hide him in the shoebox at home where he kept all his good baseball cards and lucky seashells. _

 

_ When his crying stopped and his body stopped shaking Shiro gently pushed hair out of his face, peeking down at the upset omega.  _

 

_ “Hey.” _

 

_ Lance let out a small wet laugh that wasn’t happy at all.  _

 

_ “Hey.” _

 

_ “I’m not cheating on you with Keith.”  _

 

_ “I know you aren’t! I never said you were!” Shiro quieted him with a look. _

 

_ “I’m not cheating on you with Keith and I am not going to. He’s a friend Lance.”  _

 

_ “Don’t talk to me like I’m a kid.” _

 

_ “I’m not Lance. You know I’m not.” Shiro sighed.  _

 

_ They never fought loudly. It was always sighs and passive aggressive comments and cold shoulders. Lance could admit that most of the animosity came from him. He always responded to criticism with a sharp recoil. He burned hot and fast. And something about Shiro’s calm even when Shiro was clearly angry irked him. _

 

_ He held his breath for a moment and let it out. This didn’t need to be a fight. _

 

_ “I know you’re scared Lance. I know that this is all new and terrifying, it is for me too. And I know you don’t like hiding what we are.” he gently carded a hand through his hair. “After this mission we won’t have to. Until then you have to trust okay?” _

 

_ Lance nodded, resisting the urge to roll his eyes. Shiro seemed to sense it anyway.  _

 

_ “I don’t mean that you need to trust me. I know you already do. Every time you say that you love me I know that that includes trust,” he kissed Lance’s fingers, pulling the sweaty sticky hand up to his face. “I mean that you need to trust  _ yourself.  _ You know that you are intelligent and funny and have so much value, outside of this relationship and in it. You are worthy of everything your parents and your friends and I have given you.” _

 

_ Shiro watched as Lance’s eyes welled up again and he gave his lover a small smile. “It’s okay if you’re jealous but when you feel like that when I’m not around…” It was Shiro’s turn to get a bit worked up, jaw tight with emotion. “You have to remind yourself why you’re here. Why Hunk was willing to miss waffle day to help you finish your engine repair assignment. Why your sisters never stop talking about how cool you are. Why I gave you this.” He brushed his hand over the pink scar of Lance’s bondmark.  _

 

_ “I get to mark you when you come back right?” Lance said, sitting up a bit more, latching onto that topic to avoid the others. What Shiro had said had meant everything to him. He needed the reminder that he was loved and that people liked having him around. But he couldn’t acknowledge something so big and intimidating as all that love. Shiro smiled at him and seemed to understand.  _

 

_ “Of course.” he grinned. “I can’t wait. As soon as I’m not in and out of last minute medical testing and half the doctors on this base aren’t seeing me shirtless every week, I will very much welcome you marking me anywhere you’d like.”  _

 

_ “Anywhere?” Lance said suggestively, but his red eyes and sniffling nose just made Shiro laugh and kiss his forehead.  _

 

_ “Sure. Do your worst, starboy.” _

 

_ Lance settled his cheek against Shiro’s chest and listened to his boyfriend, his bondmate, breathe. The boy’s hands found his hair and gently started smoothing it, not pausing even when pieces wet with tears and snot had to be plucked off where they were stuck to his cheeks.  _

 

_ He wanted to tell Shiro that he didn’t deserve him. But Shiro’s words were still fresh in his mind and he quieted the thought, staying close to him and trying to forget that their days were numbered.  _

  
  


* * *

  
  


Keith was very good at sacrifice. It was what he’d done all his life. But now, sitting on his bed, knees hugged to his chest, he wished for once that he didn’t have to give everything up. He’d sent Shiro to Lance, because he liked both of them so much he figured that if they were happy together it would make him happy too. 

 

He sneered at himself, letting go of his legs and stretching them out, wrinkling his nose at the smell of sweat still on his body. 

 

Keith would do anything to protect Shiro. He’d promised himself a long time ago that he’d make sure their black paladin came home alright no matter what. And Lance made him feel so light, so happy and good even though he was as aggravating as he was kind. He could see that Shiro needed that same lightness, the beam of sunshine that Lance was for all of them. He could see that Lance needed someone to steady him and give him focus. They would be a good match. 

 

Why hadn’t Shiro come to tell him the story about the bondmark? When he’d sent Shiro away to confront Lance he’d assumed that the man would report back to him, keep him in the loop. Wasn’t he part of the loop? He wasn’t so sure anymore.

 

He felt his muscles tense. Suddenly the idea that Shiro had gotten the story from Lance and then was going along like everything was solved without coming to Keith made him furious. He may have been the one to send Shiro away but that was on  _ his  _ terms. He stood up and grabbed his red jacket, pulling it on with an angry tug and heading purposefully down the hallway.

 

Hunk was hovering near Lance’s door, anxiety clear across his face, his hands wringing in front of his stomach. When Keith stepped out the Alpha looked somewhere between relieved and nervous. 

 

“Keith! Lance is in heat.”

 

“Shit,” Keith’s eyes went big. Then an awful thought occurred to him. “Is...is Shiro…?”

 

“No!” Hunk said quickly, “Shiro was the one who found him but he grabbed Pidge and I and hightailed it out of there.”

 

Keith wasn’t sure what thought was worse: that Lance was going through heat alone or that he might have gone through his heat with Shiro.

 

“Good.” he nodded. “Okay.” 

 

“I think...I’m worried Shiro might be in rut.” Hunk said, dropping his voice into a whisper. Keith’s face flushed. 

 

“What?”

 

“He seemed pretty shaken? And there are some pretty strong pheromones coming from his room and they’re making me feel…” he shrugged and his hands kept twisting each other, the skin going a bit pink. “Bad.” 

 

“Bad?”

 

“I’m an Alpha. He’s an alpha… we’re not super close or anything so what he’s projecting is some pretty strong ‘this is my territory’ stank.”

 

Keith nodded. Betas were able to detect that sort of thing but not nearly as strongly as Alphas and Omegas, it was unnecessary since Betas didn’t have heats or ruts, they didn’t need their bodies to submit to a cycle. 

 

“So they’re both...uh,” Keith made a vague gesture with his hands. Even he wasn’t sure what he meant by it.

 

“I think so. So we need to get Shiro some water and some food, since it’ll probably last a couple of days? But I don’t think I can go in there.” 

 

Keith nodded, something fluttering in his stomach. 

 

“I can. I can bring him supplies.” It’s what Shiro would do for him if their situations were reversed. Hunk looked relieved. “Why are you standing outside of Lance’s room though?”

 

Hunk shrugged a bit sheepishly. 

 

“I’m worried about him. He’s been so sad lately...like, not at all himself. And heats have always been tough on him. Back at the Garrison he’d come out of them with crazy bruises and stuff. Like he’d been attacked almost.”

 

“You’re a good friend, Hunk. I’ll take care of Shiro.” 

 

“Thanks,” Hunk squeezed Keith’s shoulder. “Everything is in the kitchen. Give him six or seven of those Altean ration packets.”

 

“Will do.” 

* * *

  
  


_ Keith stared at the long sloping curve of Shiro’s waist as the man leaned forward out of his chair, pointing at the screen and pausing a replay of one of Keith’s simulation runs. Shiro was truly built like an adonis, all muscle but still slim and graceful.  _

 

_ “See? That reaction time was incredible! That almost doubled your score alone,” his tutor grinned.  _

 

_ “Three enemy ships still got away.” _

 

_ “It’s a training sim, they make them pretty much unbeatable. I think it’s technically impossible to actually get all of the victory objectives.” _

 

_ Keith glared at the score from under dark fringe, a pout that didn’t quite work since they’d finally made him cut his hair a bit shorter a few days earlier. “Regulation length” and all that bullshit. He’d argued that girls got to have longer hair but they weren’t having it.  _

 

_ “Why would they give you a list of objectives if they can’t all be accomplished? That’s asinine. It should be difficult but possible, otherwise it’s just training soldiers for complacency.”  _

 

_ “Or maybe,” Shiro settled back in his seat and pivoted his chair towards the younger man, “it trains them to accept some degree of failure. You can’t be the perfect pilot, Keith.” _

 

_ “I have to be!” _

 

_ “You don’t. You’re good. Fantastic, even. You’re going to outscore me in just a few months of being here. If you were just a few years older, you’d be the one going on Kerberos.”  _

 

_ The praise made Keith’s ears burn.  _

 

_ “You think so?” _

 

_ Shiro nodded and placed a friendly hand on Keith’s knee. The gesture made the cadet’s heart feel light and he leaned forward a little.  _

 

_ His crush on Shiro was not new or original, almost every cadet was in love with him, but getting to spend the past couple of weeks training directly under him, interacting with him everyday when the man was about to go on the most important exploratory space flight to date? It was dizzying. And his soft grey eyes and compliments didn’t help.  _

 

_ “Definitely,” Shiro smiled. The lieutenants eyes seemed to hover on Keith’s face for a moment too long, something different about the curve of his mouth as he watched the cadet. Keith could see it in the way the corners flipped up. “You cut your hair.”  _

 

_ Keith’s hand automatically reached for the back of his neck, hating the feeling of the air conditioning against it.  _

 

_ “Yeah. They said it was too long.” _

 

_ “That stinks.” Shiro empathized. “It looked good though. Keep rebelling.” _

 

_ Violet eyes skimmed over Shiro’s happy face, his lean body. They were friends. He was confident of that. Could they be something more? _

 

_ “I have to meet with someone,” Shiro said, his smile still big and loose. He almost looked a little crazy, like he was on the edge of laughter. He stood and pulled on his bag. “But you did great today. I’ll meet you for the scheduled sim time in the afternoon okay?” The words were almost rushed. Too fast on Keith’s ears. His heart deflated. _

 

_ “See you.” _

__

* * *

  
  
  
  
  


Keith gathered everything together, hefting two gallons of water, the ration packets and some silverware wrapped in the alien equivalent of paper towels. He braced himself, heading for Shiro’s room.He wasn’t in danger of falling into his own heat or anything, but the idea of walking into Shiro in that situation was...uncomfortable. Enticing. Dangerous. The idea of helping him through his heat….

 

He knocked on the door.

 

“Shiro?”

 

“Keith?” the voice was muffled but otherwise sounded mostly fine, and the red paladin breathed a little more deeply.

 

“Hunk sent me. Can I come in?”

 

The door slid open and Shiro was still in his workout gear, his hair rumpled and a bit sweaty. He was breathing hard, and now that Keith knew what to look for, the Beta could detect the slight sort of musk to the air, something more than just body odor or the second-gender indication.

 

Seeing Keith with his arms full, Shiro instinctively reached to help, taking one of the jugs and a fistful of the paper towels.

 

“What are these for?”

 

“Hunk said that you might be starting your rut. So he sent me in here with stuff so you can wait it out in here.” Keith marched past Shiro and put everything on the nightstand near the bed. “Need anything else?”

 

Shiro set his own half of the stuff down on the floor near the door.

 

“I’m not starting my rut, they’re pretty regular. I have another month.”

 

“You were with Lance though.” Keith pointed out. “So he might have…messed with that. Either way, you sure look like yours is starting.” He stared at the sweat that stuck Shiro’s shirt to his chest. “Unless you were just doing your post-cardio-workout workout?”

 

“No I-” The black paladin pursed his lips and evaluated the facts a little. He was hot. And anxious. And still admittedly a bit... heightened in terms of some anatomy. The sight of Keith was only making the symptoms worse. “Shit.” He sat heavily on the bed.

 

“Yeah. So...need anything else?” 

 

Shiro shook his head and rubbed a hand through his hair. 

 

“No, no I’m...I’m fine, thanks Keith.” He offered a grim smile and Keith hovered near the head of the bed, feeling his palms grow damp under his leather gloves. 

 

“How did the conversation with Lance go?” He asked tentatively, trying to quiet the burn of envy and hurt in his chest. 

 

Shiro’s face wrinkled into a grimace, his eyes downcast and dark. 

 

“Good. He’s bonded with someone at the Garrison. He’s waiting for them. He said he loves them.” 

 

For some reason that made Keith feel like he’d just taken a hit, his muscles tightening. 

 

“Ah. Well. That’s nice for him.” 

 

“Yeah.” Shiro’s eyes went to Keith, watching the taut muscles of his forearm quiver, veins dark against his pale skin. “He said...He said you wanted me. That I should… that we should...I think he was giving us his blessing. The none creepy equivalent of one, anyway.” 

 

Keith stared at him with eyes as soft as lavender. One piece of hair near his face had frizzed into an almost perfect curl and Shiro desperately wanted to tug at it. 

 

“Really?”

 

“Yes.” Shiro’s eyes wavered for a moment. “But I won’t pretend like I don’t--   
Like I--” he scratched at his head in frustration. “I like Lance, Keith. A lot. But I like you too.”

 

“I know. I know you like Lance. He’s....I feel something there too. But if he’s in love with someone else, waiting for someone else then...don’t you feel like you deserve a chance to be happy, too?” Keith asked quietly, selfishly, feeling again the weight of his betrayal when Lance had caught them kissing just a few hours before. 

 

“Not if it makes Lance unhappy.”

 

“Shiro,” Keith sighed and tentatively sat next to him. The smell of him was growing stronger. “I’m clearly biased because I want you, but I think if he encouraged you then...we’re in the clear.”

 

“It’s not black and white,” Shiro snapped, “It’s more complicated than that. He looked so....broken. He couldn’t finish a sentence.”

 

“Do you value him more than the potential of us?” Once someone at the Garrison had told Keith that he was cruel. He didn’t think he was. He was just good at seeing people’s weak spot, the easiest place to hurt them. He wasn’t sure how he felt knowing that he, Keith, was a weak spot for Shiro. Or how he felt having used that as leverage.

 

“I value him.” The Alpha squirmed, it was getting harder to think, to concentrate, but he still had all his wits about him. “This is a team, Keith. We’re Voltron. If we….If I let myself love you and it keeps Lance from being part of this team then I’ve failed. Not just as a leader but...as a person.” 

 

“Shiro you’re not a failure. You can’t be. Not if you just make a decision and stick to it.” Keith’s words were heated, passionate, probably more what he wanted to hear than what Shiro needed to, but he’d never been a good counselor. 

 

Then suddenly there was a warm palm on his cheek and familiar lips soft against his own, a warm kiss that sent fire down his spine. 

 

Keith wrestled himself into Shiro’s lap, sitting on his thighs and forcing the other’s head to tilt back with a hand fisted in his hair. Shiro groaned and Keith felt the vibration in his chest and his knees where they bracketed Shiro’s hips. Big heavy fingers, one set colder and harder than the others, dug into the sharp curve of his hips and the Beta gasped. 

 

Something in the older man’s mind spun and he pulled back, the gasp forcing his head out of the clouds. 

 

“Keith you need to go,” he said urgently, “I’m in rut, you should leave.”

 

“I’m going to help you.”

 

“No that’s, it’s dangerous, I won’t be able to control myself.” 

 

“Shiro, please,”

 

“Keith! What if I hurt you? I can’t exactly listen for consent when it really sets in, rut is, it’s intense, and you’re not an omega so I mean things get even tougher because you’re not really built for….”

 

“Penetration?” Keith asked, rolling his eyes. “Maybe I’m not. But there’s lube for that. I know what I’m doing. Shiro I’m happy to go through this with you.”

 

The black paladin breathed heavily and stared at him, hands still clamped on his hips, thumbs digging in hard enough to hurt. Keith arched his back a little, putting on a sort of show.

 

“Shiro let me do this. Have me. I’ll help you. Whatever you want. I’ve wanted you for years.” he said softly, ducking his head. “You don’t remember...but back at the Garrison, we were friends. You were beautiful. You still are. I’ve wanted you.” Keith had never told anyone so much all at once. He didn’t like opening himself to people. But it was easy to be open to Shiro. 

 

That was enough to break the gossamer thread of Shiro’s self control, his eyes consumed with a darkening lust as the rut came on more strongly. His hips rose off the bed, grinding himself against Keith’s stomach. 

 

“Keith,” he breathed. “What if I….what if I try to bond you, what if you can’t fight me off?” 

 

“I’d never say no to you,” the paladin surprised himself by saying. He thought about what it might be like to be a bondmate, to be Shiro’s bondmate, and he felt his heart rise up into his mouth--he could taste his pulse. “If you wanted it, I wouldn’t stop you. I think we’d be happy together. For a long time. Maybe forever.”

 

Shiro beamed, the genuine happiness cutting through the want of his hormones. With a small laugh he rolled, pressing Keith onto his back on the bed, their legs slotted together. 

 

“I’ve felt like I’ve been looking for someone,” he said softly. “The whole time we’ve been Voltron. I felt like I was missing someone.”

 

“Here I am.”

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


_ “Your eyes are so blue,” Shiro smiled, his fingers tracing Lance’s cheek. Lance sighed, stretching under the blankets and rolling to face Shiro a bit more head on.  _

 

_ “Yeah?” _

 

_ “They’re gorgeous. So bright.” Shiro laughed and leaned down to kiss him before settling back against the pillows again.  _

 

_ “You’re giddy after sex.” _

 

_ “And you’re glowing,” he said sweetly. Shiro shifted again to pull Lance closer, curling their bodies together.  _

 

_ “It was wonderful Shiro. Everything I’d hoped it would be.” _

 

_ “I’m glad you don’t regret it,” the Alpha blushed, trailing his fingers lightly up and down Lance’s arm. The Omega nuzzled Shiro’s neck, breathing in his scent and relaxing into the bed, his body spent and sore.  _

 

_ “How could I! I just lost my virginity to the hottest lieutenant at this school,” he bragged, with a smug grin.  _

 

_ “I thought Harriet was the hottest lieutenant here,” Shiro said, poking Lance’s side.  _

 

_ Lance shrugged, his expression still one of the cat who had its canary. Twice. Shiro just laughed and elbowed him only mostly on purpose as he sat up to pull another blanket over them. _

 

_ “Goodnight, Lance.” He whispered, settling down to sleep. Lance pushed himself up to hover over Shiro for a moment, and Shiro opened one eye, still looking giggly and too pleased. “What is it?” he asked the dark. _

 

_ “You like my eyes?” _

 

_ “I could never forget them.” _

 

* * *

  
  
  
  


It happened on the second day of Shiro’s rut. Keith was curled into his side, asleep after their last intense round, eyelids fluttering slightly. Shiro woke with the hunger slowly pulling at him again, drowsy and warm, his arms sliding across Keith’s sides. He leaned down and started kissing his way up the boy’s neck, inhaling the gentle clean scent at his neck, now tainted with the smell of their sex.

 

“-ro?” Keith mumbled, eyes prying open. He looked exhausted and grumpy, and a small part of Shiro felt guilty, but a much larger part of him was more interested in working his hand underneath their tangle of blankets. 

 

***

 

“Hey, just relax baby, I’ve got you.” he promised, shifting so he could lean over him as he pulled down the covers, dick already throbbing with need. Keith laughed quietly and shook his head, reaching out to card his hand through, admittedly gross, greasy hair. 

 

“I know. But you couldn’t let me sleep longer?” Shiro shrugged and kissed down Keith’s stomach, propping himself up on one elbow and lazily stroking the red paladin with his bionic hand, watching his muscles ripple as slowly he came to life. 

 

Shiro glanced up, full of desire and confidence, and that’s when he saw it. 

 

A bright, dazzling flash of color. Warm sheets. Colorful eyes. Blue…? No, purple. Purple. Right? 

 

“Shiro? Shiro?” Keith was shaking his shoulder, looking concerned.Shiro had frozen, looking like he was lost in thought, his hand still against his hot skin. “Here you should drink some more water, who knows how long it’s been.” Keith leaned over and grabbed a jug off the floor, pushing it into Shiro’s chest. Shiro just set it aside against the wall, leaning up to be close to Keith’s face again.

 

“Your eyes…”

 

“What?”

 

“I know them,” his fingers touched the boy’s cheek. He couldn’t shake a feeling of significance, some sort of importance there. Blue, no purple, stared at him, happy and sleepy and confused all at once. 

 

“You do?” Keith breathed.

 

“From before, maybe,” he nodded slowly, his voice so soft he wasn’t sure if he could be heard. “I remember big colorful eyes.”

 

Keith used to cook eggs in his desert shack, one of the only things he trusted himself to make without giving himself food poisoning. Even with lots of practice, if he was too preoccupied, he often crushed them too hard against the countertop trying to break them open, leaving him with a fistful of sharp edges and yellow slime. That’s how his heart felt. 

 

He stared at Shiro, his own hands cupping the man’s cheeks. 

 

“You...you remember me?”

 

“Keith,” Shiro said fondly, still staring at his eyes, squinting at them as if he could pull from them a memory. But nothing came. It was enough that a new surge of fondness washed over him. “I can’t...I think you were important to me. You feel important.”

 

“You’re getting sappy on me, Shirogane,” Keith said, his voice wavering a little.  _ Shiro thought he was important. _ He pushed Shiro back onto the bed, switching their positions so he sat across his stomach, his hands playing on his muscular chest. One of his scars slashed nearly through a nipple, making it a bit lopsided. Keith scraped his fingernail along it and watched as goosebumps spread over his lover’s skin. 

 

“Keith,” he repeated, hands sliding up his bare back. “I want you,” his voice dropped to a growl. He felt Shiro hard against his ass. The Alpha quickly started to tug at Keith’s cock again, the desperation dark in his grey eyes again. Keith groaned and cursed, leaning forward and propping his arm on the bed as his body shuddered. He was over-sensitive and spent, but every time Shiro touched him the fire came back. 

 

“Ah, ah, you’ve got me,” he hissed, trying to distract Shiro by reaching behind and stroking the Alpha’s cock, squeezing at the thick base and letting his thumb slide up its length. “You’ve got me don’t worry.”

 

“No,” Shiro grabbed Keith’s hips and rolled them over again, crowding Keith against the wall. His face buried in Keith’s neck, tongue darting out to taste his scent gland. Shiro’s groan was loud and long, and he rubbed himself in smooth thrusts against Keith’s thigh. “I need you.”

 

“Right here,” Keith promised, stroking his hair and relaxing into the hold. From this position he couldn’t move, but Shiro provided plenty of friction, hands dancing down his body as he kept him pinned. “I’m right here.” 

 

The Alpha whimpered, nuzzling at Keith’s scent gland, his teeth scraping over the tender flesh. Keith surprised himself with a high exhale- he’d thought he couldn’t feel more turned on or more passionate, but Shiro always had a way of surprising him. 

 

“Shiro?”

 

The teeth scraped gently again and Keith felt it in his dick which was stuck between their stomachs, leaking pitifully. He wasn’t sure he had another orgasm in him but damn if his partner wasn’t going to try anyway. But all of that came secondary to the way his breath came fast ever time Shiro neared his neck. 

 

“You’re so perfect, my beautiful bright eyes,” Shiro said hoarsely, one hand reaching back to tease at Keith’s entrance, sneaking between the wall and the Beta’s warm body. His hole was still wet with Shiro’s last release. 

 

“Bond me,” Keith said, closing his eyes against the nerves and the fear, trusting the pure joy and elation of this man’s smile and his touch. He’d spent so long at the Garrison wondering what it would be like, and now Shiro remembered his eyes. He’d been special for him, meant something to him, if Shiro hadn’t gone on Kerberos, maybe they’d have ended up doing the same thing they were doing now, only much sooner. “Shiro, I want it. I love you.” 

 

The words were heavy on his tongue, new and foreign, so simple to say and hard to hold. 

 

Shiro let out a wet cry and as his finger slid home he bit down into the Beta who writhed beneath him, tears pricking his eyes as he felt the sting and the pain of it, felt the weight. It wasn’t the heaviness of regret, it was the anchor of hope. A guarantee of a future. And that’s what drove him forward. 

 

When Shiro pulled back Keith chased his lips, tasting the blood on them and shuddering. The bond felt like an open connection, something sharp and special between them, as if some sort of chord had been struck between them. A promise. 

 

They kissed as if they would never have the chance to again, all hot tongues and lips and hands that reached and slid and skidded and squeezed. Their bodies knew each other well after two days spent in bed together, modesty gone as their sweat stuck them together. Shiro slid in a second finger and Keith grunted, his body sore and protesting but his dick still interested. Already he could feel the slight bulging of Shiro’s knot as their lengths slid together between them and he reached down, taking them both in one hand without breaking the kiss. 

 

“Fuck, fuck,” Shiro’s back arched and his powerful body thrusted up with every small tug. “Your eyes, god, you’re perfect.” He lifted Keith’s hips up and slid his cock between Keith’s ass cheeks, feeling the wetness of their previous encounters and kissing at the boy’s wounded neck. Already it had flushed red with the promise of a bruise. 

 

Keith rolled his hips with the movements, still rutting into his palm, eyes closed and shivering every time he felt the head of Shiro’s blunt cock catch on his stretched rim. 

 

Shiro slowly pulled Keith down, letting out a scratchy, aching cry. Keith gasped and every exhale came out as a whimper. Half way down Shiro’s length Keith’s body protested, and he quickly slammed a hand onto Shiro’s chest, not meaning to slap so hard but a slight tinge of panic taking control. 

 

“Stop,” he grimaced, raising his body up. Shiro let out a pitiful noise, his body arching with the desperate need to fuck and to claim. He stared at Keith, lungs rising and falling fast under his fingers.

 

“I’m too sore, here,” Keith climbed off of his bondmate and laid by his side again, right where they’d started, and used his hands. He rubbed them together as fast and as hard as he could, squeezing them together in both of his fists, doing his best to simulate what Shiro was so needy for. 

 

“Keith,” Shiro’s arms circled the boy’s waist and chest, crushing their bodies together, slamming his hips up into his fists. “Me too, bond me too,” he begged, turning his face into the damp pillows. Keith stared at the smooth scar littered flesh of Shiro’s shoulder and chest, his hands slowing as he marveled at the different shades and colors of injury. Their marathon sex had left little time for admiring each other with anything but hands and mouths, and Keith wished they could have time to do this gently, softly. 

 

At the same time, it made sense for their first coming together to be an explosion, a mess, as intense as the pair of them were when they had a goal. 

 

Shiro growled and his hands slid down to grab Keith’ ass, forcing them together more harshly. Both of them were leaking and Keith let out another soft groan, teetering on the edge. He could feel Shiro swelling larger against him, and as hot as it was, he was grateful that it wasn’t inside him for the seventh time in who knows how many hours. How many days had it been? 

 

“Please, I want to be bonded, Keith.” Pulled from his sex drunk distraction Keith nodded and leaned in to kiss the spot he’d chosen, the edge of his scent gland right near his shoulder. He pulled a hand away from between them and Shiro took over, watching Keith through cloudy, urgent eyes. 

 

Shiro’s thumb brushed the head of Keith’s cock and the Beta was gone, biting down into hot skin as he climaxed, shouting through it and hearing Shiro gasping and shouting in return. 

 

When he pulled away it was with a sense of pride as he looked at what he’d marked, this strong Alpha now quiet under his hands. Shiro’s knot was still pressing between them but Shiro looked blissed out and happy, murmuring something Keith couldn’t hear.

 

Keith gently shushed him, rubbing a sticky hand over Shiro’s back in circles, hoping it was comforting. When he collapsed against the bed, newly exhausted it was with a smile across his face and Shiro’s laughter hot against his hair. 

  
***  
  
  


* * *

  
  


Lance’s eyes fluttered open and the moment they were greeted with the harsh synthetic light of his room, he groaned. He took a breath and waited for the frenetic energy of his heat to pull him back into the routine. He’d miserably work himself off a few times, chug some water, and then go right back to sleep only to do it again a few hours later. After a long time nothing happened.

 

Was his heat finally over?

 

Lance swung his legs off the bed and stood, body shaky and weak after so many days in bed doing nothing but give into pleasure. Whoever thought that it would be fun to just stay in bed all day had clearly never done it before. He drank more water, ate one of the ration packets that was so sweet it made his stomach revolt. But he kept it down, grabbing clothing from his dresser and shuffling towards the bathroom.

 

He took a long time under the hot water of the shower, scrubbing all the tacky and dried evidence of too much sex from his tan skin and massaging shampoo into his hair. He used one of the body scrubs Allura had given him when she’d realized his interest in skin care beyond just soap and water (unlike the rest of his team, cough cough) and was feeling much more human by the time he shut off the water. He dried off lazily and then went to the sink to brush his teeth.

 

It wasn’t until he’d spit out the toothpaste and wiped off his mouth that he realized. That he saw.

 

His body went cold and his knees almost gave out, a pit of fear opening his his stomach. He turned and vomited into the toilet, the food burning the entire way up. He stayed doubled over on the floor, his bare legs pressed into the cold tile, wet with the condensation of the shower. When he finally stood again he wasn’t sure what he felt. He was numb. 

 

His fingers went to his neck as he stared into the mirror. His bondmark was gone. Uninterrupted tan skin, warm despite how cold he felt, was the only thing he could feel or see. 

 

He sucked in panicked breaths, the emotion that had been absent before crashing into him. He started hyperventilating and gagging on the taste of bile again, trying to force air into his deflated lungs. 

 

_ Shiro had left him.  _

 

He pounded a fist against his chest, trying desperately to get a good lungful of air, and the hollow thump of his chest cavity as he hit it sounded exactly right. Exactly how it should feel. 

 

_ He wasn’t his bondmate anymore. He wasn’t wanted.  _

 

Water splashed against his chest and he touched his cheeks. Wet. he was crying. A sob rattled his body and he was able to force a ragged breath in, choking on it and coughing. 

 

Furiously he wiped tears away, leaning towards the mirror again and clawing at his neck, desperate to be wrong, to see the scar just a little to the side of where he’d thought. Maybe it was on the other side? He turned his head but his right side was as unmarred as ever. He checked the left again. Nothing. 

 

_ You can’t promise forever. You can’t love someone like that.  _

 

So he gave up. Right there in his bathroom he sat down and wailed as if he’d witnessed the death of someone. It felt like he had. Like he’d just watched what he loved and treasured most in the world vanish before his eyes. 

 

A thought struck him.

 

Bondmarks disappeared if the partner who’d given it bonded someone else...or if they died. Suddenly he felt sick, still crying but a new urgency in his chest. He scrambled up, sobbing through clenched teeth, pulling on his underwear and his clothing, bursting from his room and running to Shiro’s room. 

 

He slammed his fist against the door, bruising his knuckles against unforgiving metal, but was met with only silence. He wasn’t there. But in what way? 

 

“Lance!” Hunk’s door opened next door and he froze at the sight of the omega crying and shaking in the hallway, looking like he’d just gone through hell. “Lance, buddy, what happened?” Hunk hurried to his side, pulling him into a hug and rubbing his back.

 

“Is Shiro okay?” Lance asked, shoving the yellow paladin back. “Is he-- god Hunk is he---”

 

“He’s fine,” Hunk soothed, reaching out to rub Lance’s shoulders. He could feel him trembling against his palms. “What’s going on?”

 

“Yeah,” Pidge poked her head out too, pushing up her glasses and stepping out into the hall. “Lance why are you crying? Are you still in heat?”

 

  
“He isn’t,” Hunk assured her with a small sniff, gently pulling the Omega into his room.

 

Lance followed him on unsteady legs, his tears becoming sorrowful again, because at least if Shiro had died he could have mourned him instead of hating himself. It was a morbid thought. He wiped at his nose but it didn’t help, he couldn’t stop the soul crushing knowledge that Shiro had forgotten him entirely now. He didn’t have anything but memories as evidence that they had once loved each other. It’s not like anyone else had known. Maybe he could pretend it was a dream. The most beautiful one he’d ever had. 

 

Pidge sat near Lance’s feet, tentatively taking his hand and gripping it tight. Hunk rubbed his back and that only made the tears come faster. 

 

“Oh god--” he doubled over, stomach against his knees and pressed his face against the rough fabric of his jeans, trying to block out the world. “Shiro-” he moaned, shaking his head and trying to push away every moment of their relationship as it all came crashing into him. 

 

_ Holding hands under the table in the library and sneaking into the infirmary after Shiro dislocated his shoulder while sparring and slipping out at night for dates on the roof and the first time they’d slept together, Shiro laughing and laughing and laughing and loving him. _

 

“SHIRO!” He screamed the word, hurled it out of his chest, and wished he could carve it from his heart. But it was put there when he was too young, cut in with a sharp knife on soft bark, scarred layer over layer in thick wood that he couldn’t escape from. 

 

_ The first time Shiro had said his name and the pinky promises they’d made late at night under the sheets; when Shiro winked at him in class and left notes on his desk and held him in his arms kissing his hair and calling him his favorite.  _

 

“NO!” 

 

He wasn’t sure how long he spent crying before his body calmed, the storm ending and leaving misery in its wake. He felt like a hurricane had gone through him. Back at home in Miami he’d seen one that swept their neighbors house three miles away and pulled ancient trees up at the roots. He could be one of those trees now. Wet and keeled over, waiting to be ground into woodchips. It would probably hurt less than heartbreak.

 

Pidge and Hunk were still there, their eyes wide with worry and fear, silently trying to argue with each other over what was to be done. 

 

“Lance, buddy,” Hunk coaxed, gently squeezing his shoulder again. “Hey can you look at me.”

 

Lance shook his head, feeling the wet stains of his tears in the fabric of his pants. 

 

“Lance?”

 

It was the wrong voice. The absolutely wrong one. 

 

Shiro stood in the doorway, shocked and worried. He’d come running when Allura had said she heard someone yelling his name. So there he was. Tall and clean, staring at the huddled trio and trying to determine why Lance was crying like a wounded animal. 

 

He’d come out of his rut the day before, and things had been normal, perfect even, because when he stole glances at Keith the beta always smiled back at him or offered a kiss.

 

“NO!” As soon as Lance had heard his voice he felt everything in him rebel against the misery, anger licking up his spine. He pushed himself up and staggered to his feet. “Get out!” 

 

“Lance,” Shiro took a step back, out of the shadow of Hunk’s doorway and into the bright light of the hall. Lance saw the bulk of bandage at his neck and he felt dizzy. “What’s going on?” Shiro looked in desperation towards Hunk and Pidge, both of whom gave him nothing but scared uncertain stares. 

 

“YOU-” Lance stalked forward and grabbed at Shiro’s shirt, yanking it to the side to see the bandages. “H--HOW” He changed his mind, moving away from him again, retreating into the hallway instead of Hunk’s room, his body fighting itself over wanting to be close to him and wanting to run as fast as he could away.

 

“Calm down, what’s going on?” Shiro looked just as frightened as any of them, slowly extending a hand towards the traumatized Omega with the hope of helping him. 

 

“You--you were MINE” Lane roared, crying starting anew. He wiped at his nose with a disgusting string of snot following his jacket sleeve. “You bonded KEITH?!” 

 

Shiro’s face paled. “What?” He glanced towards Hunk and Pidge. “Lance how do you know that?” He and Keith hadn’t told anyone. 

 

“How did I KNOW?” Lance started laughing, tipping his head back and feeling water slosh down his cheeks and into his ears. He laughed until he couldn’t breathe and the whole world swam in front of his eyes. 

 

_ Presents on Valentines day and kisses in darkened corners and inappropriate text messages and writing a letter to his mom that told her everything he loved about Shiro and how he wanted to bring him home that he’d never gotten the courage to send.  _

 

“How do you think Shiro?” He gasped, shaking his head, “How do you FUCKING THINK that I could KNOW”

 

Shiro sucked in a breath and his eyes filled with something so sad it hurt Lance to see it. Even now, even devastated by this man, he would still give everything within him to take away his hurt. But now he was the one doing the hurting. Maybe he should take himself away. 

 

“Lance?” 

 

He shoved his own shirt aside, showing all of them the bare soft skin of his neck, unmarked, untainted. Hunk and Pidge both sucked in twin breaths, Pidge reaching out to grab Hunk’s hand. Shiro stared at the spot, his hand still in the air between them reaching for him. 

 

“I’M YOUR MATE SHIRO. YOU WERE MINE I--” he sobbed and his hands pulled at his hair, the laughter bubbling up again “You were the Alpha, Shiro! You forgot me! I waited for the mission to be over, for you to come home and everyone said you were dead but I KNEW that you WEREN’T so I WAITED and when you finally came home you didn’t even know who I was!” He yelled, not caring that he sounded hysterical, insane. 

 

Shiro’s face was pale, and the Alpha’s hand started to shake. He was crying, Lance saw. The omega was glad. And he hated it.

 

“Lance?” Shiro asked, voice soft as silk, tears trailing over his carved jaw and into the neck of his shirt. 

 

“YOU FORGOT ME!” Lance repeated. But this time when Shiro took another step forward he didn’t move away. 

 

“I would never…” Shiro shook his head, his voice breaking. But it made so much sense. Lance was what had been pulling at him, bothering him for weeks, which made him want to open his heart and give it to someone. His Omega. Not his anymore. 

 

Lance stared at him, eyes bright behind the tears that still kept escaping, sniffling and sucking in wet rasping breaths. Something in him had broken. His pride maybe. Or his resolve. Or his heart. 

 

The hallway was silent except for both of their gasping quiet crying, and when Shiro opened his other arm towards Lance the Omega gave up. He collapsed forward and was caught, held into Shiro’s chest, both of them shaking. He hid his face in the man’s throat, not caring how gross it was, and stayed there in the home he’d been evicted from. Shiro held him tight, as if he might break. 

 

_ How silly,  _ Lance thought.  _ As if I hadn’t already broken.  _

 

It felt like he was clinging to a sinking life raft. He was sure to drown this way. There was nothing but pain here. But he held on anyway, because at least the life raft had once meant salvation.

 

_ Studying together stretched on their stomachs on Lance’s floor and water balloon fights on field day and stealing Shiro’s shirts and looking up into the stars every day that Shiro was gone and wishing on them to bring him back so that he could hold him again.  _

 

_ The memories. He had those at the very least.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there! I'm not dead! And I'm still working on this fic! As always, i didn't mean to leave it un-updated, life got in the way, yada yada yada. You guys mean so much to me though, I hope you know that reading you conversations and talking to you on tumblr and answering your asks is so humbling and exciting and I love every moment of our interaction. So never be afraid to drop by!
> 
> AAh SO this chapter,,, I'm so sorry .Seriously. But you've hit the end of the angst!!! It's all down hill from here!!! If you've made it this far you're well on your way to some much deserved fluff and happy endings (you trust me, right?) 
> 
> If any of you are especially hurting I have a fluffy Shance au "Good and Nice, Nice and Good" that I wrote for a secret santa fic exchange! It's 100% indulgent fluff which I hope helps soothe anything I may have, uh, inadvertently caused? 
> 
> Much love!!!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smut marked with *** as always. Please enjoy!

Lance clung to Shiro for a long time, until his crying stopped and all he felt was a hollowness in his stomach and the press of a headache behind his eyes. Shiro’s hands were moving in soft circles on his back, the touch and the rhythm so familiar that it only made things worse. Shiro still held him gently, just like he had at the Garrison. Like he still cared.

 

“Lance-” Shiro’s voice sounded frayed and worn. Lance was so tired. “Why--why didn’t you-?”

 

Hunk sucked in a breath, a warning for Shiro from across the hall where he and Pidge were still frozen, watching the scene. Shiro met their eyes in turn and was completely unsurprised to find hostility and hurt in both of their faces.

 

“I mean-” he tried to backtrack, as if he could backpedal his way out of this, rewind a few months and remember Lance. Go back to the blurry moments of his rescue and find love in Lance’s eyes instead of seeing him only as a stranger.

 

“What the hell was I supposed to, Shiro?” Lance seethed, moving back just enough to look at him without letting go. His arms were on autopilot, still wanting him close. “Hey! I know you’re older than me and just went through hell being tortured by aliens! But I was your boyfriend two years ago so now you’re obligated to fake feelings that aren’t there and blindly trust that I’m not lying to you! My name’s Lance by the way!”

 

Shiro felt like he’d just been slapped. He had to take a second to keep from exploding at Lance in the same angry and sarcastic tone that the boy had just used.

 

“I would have believed you.” he said quietly, but even he wasn’t sure it was true.

 

“Seriously?” Lance wiped at his nose and took a step back, forcing his hands away from his Keith’s alpha. “And then what? Maybe you would have been too nice to turn me down, but you’d feel stuck in a relationship with a person you can’t remember! You’d be faking loving me and that’s--that’s worse than---than you not--”

 

Lance gritted his teeth and fought against the tears that were threatening him again. He wasn’t going to cry about this. Not anymore. Never again.

 

“Lance, I would never have to fake it, I-” the words were teetering on the tip of Shiro’s tongue, smooth and wanting, but he knew it was unfair to say them now. Not after what he’d done.

 

The omega looked at him for a long time. Not with disgust. Not with anger. Just with a bitter closed off resignation. Something in Lance had fallen apart, and the wreckage now stood between him and everyone else, a barrier of snapped beams and torn sails, a pirate ship marooned and blocking the view of the shore beyond.

 

Shiro had never seen anything so terrifying in his life.

 

“I’m going to go back to sleep.” Lance said, deadly calm. “And you’re going to go tell Keith what you just found out. And then I never want to talk about it again, commander.” he spat the word, the title so formal and removed that it made Shiro’s chest burn.

 

“Lance-”

 

Hunk’s eyes flashed, the larger alpha giving Shiro a warning look. It wasn’t a challenge, just a reminder that if Shiro hurt Lance anymore than he already had, they’d be having a talk.

 

Satisfied, Lance turned back towards Pidge and Hunk and walked past them into Hunk’s room, silently curling up on the blankets and staring at the wall of Hunk’s bunk. The door hissed shut behind him leaving the other three in silence outside.

 

Lance didn’t cry.

 

His mother had always said not to cry over something that couldn’t be fixed.

  


* * *

  
  
  


_Dear Momma,_

_I miss you. Things here are crazy but my midterms went okay. I passed all of them except physics, but I’m not going to be an engineer so it doesn’t really matter. I’m doing my best. You always say that’s all I have to do. And Hunk promised he’d help me study for the final so I’ll do better next time. You’d like Hunk, he’s smart and doesn’t get in trouble as much as I do, haha. Maybe you could trade me in for him._

_I hope abuela is feeling better, she sounded really out of it on the phone last week. Give her and the rest of the gang my love. I really miss you guys._

_Also I have something I want to tell you._ ~~_That I should have told you a long time ago._ ~~

_I’m seeing an alpha. His name is Takashi Shirogane but everyone here calls him Shiro. He’s the best pilot in the history of the_ ~~_universe_ ~~ _school. He’s incredible. He’s the one they’re sending into deep space for the Kerberos mission if you’ve been watching the interviews on TV._ ~~_He’s the handsome one- the one you were making jokes about last time I was home._ ~~

_That may make him sound really above-it-all and cocky but he’s really sweet actually. He’s humble and kind and_ ~~_I’m pretty sure_ ~~ _he loves me. I love him too. We’ve been together for a year and a half momma. I’m so sorry. I felt awful not telling you but I wasn’t sure how you’d react. ~~You’ve always said you were scared to see us grow up.~~ _ ~~_You always said we should be careful not to fall for the first person who looks our way._ ~~

_But we’ve been together for a long time and he’s been nothing but loving and patient, not just to me, but to everyone he meets._

_We bonded last night._ ~~_I wish I could have talked to you about it beforehand_ ~~ _~~.~~ I didn’t know it was going to hurt so much but I’m really really happy we did it. He wants us to get married when he gets back from the mission. _ _We’ve agreed to keep it secret until then._ _I really hope you’ll come to the wedding, momma. He’s so good inside, better than anyone. I didn’t think there were other people out there as good as you._

 _I really am sorry for not telling you sooner._ ~~_I’m still terrified_ ~~ _~~.~~ I’m sorry that you’re getting this news in a letter. _ ~~_I’ve never had to say this out loud. I’m not sure if I’d even be able to_ ~~ _~~.~~ He has a week of leave before his mission starts in a few months. I still have classes but if I skipped them, could I bring him home? I want him to meet you. I want you to meet him. _

_Please don’t tell anyone else, okay? Especially dad and the kids._

_I love you forever_

_I’m really sorry._

_Lance xxx_

* * *

 

Shiro sat on his bed, hands clasped between his knees and back hunched protectively inward, mourning something he hadn’t known he’d lost.

 

He’d had Lance, he’d had him for a long time apparently. But when he tried to remember that time in his life he was only given scattered images and faint senses of feeling. He saw flashes of classrooms. A line in the cafeteria. He remembered boredom and stress, but nothing specific, nothing that made his heart speed up. Nothing like the colorful and beautiful blur he was sure Lance should have left in his wake.

 

He choked on another harsh breath, trying to hold himself together, refusing to break down over this.

 

He didn’t deserve to be the one upset.

 

He didn’t deserve Lance, not even in a forgotten past.

 

Shiro could still hear the boy’s cries and accusations ringing loud in his ears, his shirt was still sticky with snot and tears from where they’d clung to each other with no idea what to do next.

 

What _do_ you do when your soulmate forgets you? When you don’t remember him? When you bonded someone else as a consequence?

 

He feels revulsion for himself, for his actions. How was Lance so kind to him? Lance hadn’t laid a hand on him, hadn’t even been mean. He’d just said the truth.

 

Something inside of him knew that Lance would always be kind, would always be heartbreakingly generous. It would be easier if Lance just hated him. If Lance had been full of rage and disgust and self-righteousness. But instead he had looked distant and heartsick, as if things were somehow his fault or like he had already forgiven Shiro. Either reality made the nausea come back with a vengeance.

 

 _Then again,_ said something selfish and dark inside of him, _he’s the one who sent you to Keith. He lied from the beginning. This could all have been avoided if he was just honest._

 

Shiro shuddered and pressed his fingers to his eyes, wishing he could claw through to his brain and turn it off.

 

He hadn’t told Keith yet. He was scared to. Scared of how the new fragile thing between them would survive this kind of news. He knew he’d bonded with Keith a little irrationally. In the heat of the moment without much foresight wasn’t really his style. But he didn’t regret it. They were happy. He felt good. Just remembering how good the past day had been when it was just him and Keith without Lance in the picture made his eyes water.

 

_He was disgusting._

 

* * *

  


The clamour of the alarm went off, shrieking through the halls and resonating off of every metallic surface, jolting everyone in the castle awake.

 

Lance scrambled out of Hunk’s bed, hurdling over his friend who had joined him a few hours earlier and into the hallway, almost smacking into Keith as he sprinted towards his room where his armour was stashed. He stumbled back, wincing and holding his shoulder.

 

“Watch it mullet!” he snapped with perhaps a bit too much malice. Keith looked taken aback but didn’t say anything, eyebrows furrowed in confusion before the already suited up paladin went running towards the bridge.

 

Giving it no more thought Lance scrambled into his under suit and armour, grabbing his bayard off the nightstand and then running. Allura had trained them well.

 

He was the last to arrive and everyone was staring in shock and worry as the castle’s displays showed a Galra fleet approaching their location, apparently their attempts to fly between two of their outposts to try and hack into their communication signals had failed, and now both were sending reinforcements to start a siege on the castle.

 

“To your lions, paladins!” Allura said, “Hurry!” As she spoke the first blasts exploded against the castle’s shields, light dancing and skidding across the protective globe everywhere it took a hit.

 

Within minutes they were all in flight, Shiro giving commands in a calm voice that made Lance almost forget what had happened earlier. There was no time to get emotional while they were in their lions.

 

He was sent to fire on a small plattoon that was trying to dodge the castle’s main guns and attack the thrusters of the castle from behind. He took the order without hesitation, and with an expert pull to the throttle Lance was using the curvature of the ship to try and shield himself as he made precision shots at their gas tanks. But the ships were too well armoured to go down and he gritted his teeth as Blue took a hard shot from the side.

 

“I need cover!”

 

“Keith!” Shiro barked, his black lion speeding towards one of the main ships, “go cover Lance!”

 

“Roger that!” Keith said quickly, peeling off from Shiro’s side and swinging around to help.

 

They worked like a well oiled machine, Lance’s emotions crushed flat inside of him somewhere inaccessible, his training from flight school taking over even if his heart wasn’t in it.

 

But the battle was too large, a seemingly infinite number of ships pouring from the enemy outposts and swarming by the dozens around the conflict’s perimeter.

 

“We need to form Voltron!” Shiro said, voice rough as he strained against the straps of his seat, the black lion pulling into a harsh dive.

 

“On my way!” Pidge nodded, shooting one last plant canon into the flock of cruisers ganged up on her before turning tail and heading towards the black lion.

 

They converged in perfect unison, all of them speeding up into the air and waiting for the transformation to take place. Lance felt a canon hit Blue’s underbelly and he let out a startled gasp, adjusting the throttle to dodge a second hit.

 

“Come on guys- concentrate!” Shiro barked urgently.

 

Lance closed his eyes and took in a breath, trying to find that pool of calm where he was able to connect with his fellow paladins, to resonate with them and join as one.

 

_“Lance, I would never have to fake it, I-”_

 

_“I hope he comes back to you”_

 

_“I love you”_

 

The image of Shiro’s face collapsing in regret and guilt in the hallway just hours stole the breath from Lance’s lungs. Tears clouded his vision.

 

“Come on!” Keith shouted over the coms. His voice filled Lance with a seething anger, a strong flash that made his lips part, spewing words he never thought he’d say to someone he’d once considered a sort of friend.

 

“SHUT UP!” everyone else on the comm was silent except for a soft gasp from Pidge as green took another hit. “You do NOT get to talk to me!” Lance spat, seeing red in more ways than one. “Shut UP you piece of SHIT.”

 

“Lance!” Four voices chimed in at once, one in confusion and the rest in punishment. With an angry snarl Lance yanked Blue out of formation and ducked around an incoming squadron before corkscrewing Blue back to bite at their tails with her deadly metal maw.

 

The rest of the lions flew apart too, seeing that if they couldn’t form Voltron there was no point in staying out of combat for another second.

 

The coms stayed silent.

 

They lost the battle but they were able to escape through a wormhole, having gathered no intelligence and fought until they were all exhausted and battered in their cockpits.

 

“Lance?” Keith’s static filled voice came over the com a few minutes after they had all landed in the hangar again. Lance was still strapped into Blue, wondering what would happen if he didn’t return to the castle. If he opened the hangar door again and left.

 

“Keith?” Lance’s voice sounded foreign and mean even to his own ears. He didn’t used to speak to people like this. Even when he and Keith had fought early on it was never with true malice.

 

“What happened back there?” Keith’s voice started to get heated, “What the hell were you doing?”

 

Lance didn’t bother answering, pulling off his helmet and letting it fall to the floor with a thud. Let Keith make of that what he would.

 

He stood from the pilot’s seat, remembering bitterly just a few weeks ago when Shiro and he had shared it during their mission to the Cortmals. He heard his name being called again, the communication system within the helmet soft and hard to hear now that he’d dropped it to the floor. He slammed his palm into Blue’s inner wall, letting himself feel the sting of it through the soft fabric of his flight suit.

 

“Lance!”

 

Suddenly Keith’s voice wasn’t dulled by the speakers in the helmet, instead tinny and echoing, clearly coming from outside the lion.

 

“Fuck off!”

 

Blue’s entrance slid open with a hiss of steel and pressure, and Lance glared up at the ceiling mentally cursing Blue and then feeling immediately guilty about it. He’d make it up to her later.

 

Keith was standing on the entry ramp, helmet off and dark hair falling in sweaty tangles around his face, cheeks flushed from exertion. His small frame was tense with fury and wariness in equal parts.

 

“Lance what the fuck?”

 

“Go away. I’m not talking to you. Not today. Not ever.”

 

“Can you at least tell me why?”

 

Ice frosted over Lance’s skin, a shiver creeping in his bones.

 

“Shiro didn’t tell you?”

 

“Tell me what?” Keith snapped, crossing his arms.

 

“Why don’t you go ask your _bondmate?”_

 

Keith’s eyes widened and he self-consciously reached up to touch the bandage hidden by his flight suit.

 

“Wait...are you angry that we bonded?”

 

“Me? No. Whatever gave you that impression!?” he spat venomously. But even as his attitude raged on he knew he was being unfair. Keith hadn’t been told yet, he didn’t know what he’d done. Or rather, what Lance had let him do.

 

“You told Shiro...Shiro told me that you were okay with us being together. You turned down both of us.” He said quietly, hands in two small fists. “I think...I think you forfeited your right to care.”

 

“I forfeited Shiro. That doesn’t mean I don’t still get an opinion.” _Forfeited_. As if he’d given up a bad hand of cards and not his soulmate.

 

“It kind of does.” Keith said, violet eyes cutting anxiously around the inner cabin. Lance realized that the boy had never seen the inside of Blue before.

 

“It doesn’t, but whatever. You guys have fun. You’re a great pair. Go be bonded and I’ll not be and it’ll be fine.” Lance’s voice shook and he grimaced. He hated how soft he was.

 

“You’re not bonded...?” Keith asked, eyes flashing wide in sudden and terrifying understanding. “Lance? Lance.”

 

Keith stepped in close and their eyes locked - blue with purple.

 

“Were you bonded with Shiro? Before?”

 

Lance’s lip trembled and he forced his blue eyes away, closing them against an onslaught of tears.

 

“Lance, I-” Keith’s voice sounded as broken as Lance felt and the empathy forced a soft whimper out of Lance. “I’m so sorry-” the red paladin breathed.

 

The apology was surprising, a factor Lance hadn’t considered- that Keith might care enough to see that he was part of what had broken Lance’s heart.

 

Why hadn’t he realized that Keith, under all his layers of bitterness and carefully constructed barriers, cared about him. They had kissed, after all. Before everything had started going downhill with the discovery of his bond mark.

 

Lance felt a warmth at his shoulder, Keith’s hand sweaty in its leather glove, reaching up and pressing there with the reverence of prayer.

 

“I would never have taken him from you if I...if I had known.”

 

“It’s fine-” Lance sucked in a breath and shook his head. “It’s fine.”

 

“Why did...How...Did Shiro just...not know?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“And you didn’t tell him?’

 

“Yes.”

 

“Lance-”

 

“I know. You don’t have to tell me that I fucked up, I know what I did.” Lance opened his eyes and gave Keith a watery sarcastic smile. “So lucky you. Lance messed up and you get the glory, just like always.”

 

“You think that this makes me feel good?” It was Keith’s turn to go molten. He was so much like a red dwarf, small and burning dimly, but long lasting in its passions. “You think I want to be Shiro’s biggest regret? His second choice? I knew he was in love with you but I convinced myself that it didn’t matter because there wasn’t anything actually between you guys, and now I find out that you two were bonded? Lance, I’m not winning here! I’ve never won!”

 

He started pacing near the pilot’s chair, only just stopping himself from giving Lance’s helmet a good kick. Keith had made the shift from empathetic to panicked in the span of a heartbeat. “He’s going to pick you again! And I can’t blame him because you’re better than me! Don’t you see that? Are you the only one who can’t tell?”

 

Lance shook his head in alarm, reaching out his hand only to be smacked away. He’d seen Keith angry. He’d seen the boy lose his temper. He’d never seen him look like he was on the verge of a breakdown. Was Keith actually crying?

 

“Lance, this is supposed to be yours!” He pressed his fingers into his neck, “It all is! So go, go just fucking, just fucking take him back okay? I get it! I get when I need to back out. I left the Garrison, I can leave Voltron too! I don’t need anyone!”

 

“Enough.”

 

Keith and Lance both jumped, turning to see Shiro standing small and vulnerable looking in the entrance, completely in contrast to the firm tone of his voice.

 

“I don’t regret you, Keith. You’re not leaving Voltron. And Lance? I’m done forgetting you. I can’t undo what I’ve done but I can do better from here.” He sighed and reached his hand towards Keith who was closer. “We should talk. All of us.”

 

Keith ignored Shiro’s hand and stared at Lance, not bothering to hide the devastation across his handsome features.

 

“Lance?”

 

Lance’s blue eyes flicked between the two of them, the two bonded paladins, and then locked onto the floor.

 

“I don’t want to try again.” His voice was small and thin like rice paper, something that was dry and stuck to the teeth.

 

“What?” Shiro felt the small amount of hope and confidence he’d had going into this confrontation dissolve. _You don’t deserve Lance, you don’t deserve anyone, you’ve ruined everything, you’re disgusting, you’re wrong, you’re-_

 

“I can’t...I can’t do all this again.” Lance said tiredly. “We’re fighting a war. The likelihood of you surviving to the end of it? Of me surviving? It’s pretty much zero. And I can’t….I can’t love like that again. I’m sorry. I don’t want to risk it. So like seriously, you guys be happy, it’s fine. I’ll get over myself,” he laughed bitterly, shaking his head.

 

Shiro’s head spun and he had to lean against the wall of the lion for a moment, dizzy and nauseous with what he’d done. He’d broken him. Destroyed his confidence and his joy. He was just like that awful queen of the Cortmal system who’d clawed through Lance’s self worth as if it was tissue paper. Hadn’t he promised to protect Lance against this sort of thing?

 

Keith sucked a sharp breath in and cautiously took a step towards the omega, extending his hand and curling his fingers around Lance’s wrist as gently as he could.

 

“Lance...what makes you think you have less of a right to being happy than I do?”

 

Lance lifted his head up, eyes finally leaving the scuffed steal floor.

 

“Because I don’t have the mark anymore. You do.”

  


* * *

  
  
  


***

_“Is this okay?”_

 

_“God, Shiro. Yes. Yes!” Lance whined, lifting his hips as Shiro’s hands hovered over the fastenings of his uniform pants, his grey eyes unsure as he looked down at the zipper._

 

_“Okay.” His hands moved gently over the zipper and the two top buttons, pulling the fabric apart and then easing it over Lance’s thighs with so much care and caution that Lance felt like yelling at him to go faster. It was sweet, really it was, but sometimes a guy just really wants to get laid._

 

_“Shiro,” he said, trying his best not to sound irritated. “Can we please hurry this up? Just a bit?”_

 

_The older boy looked up into Lance’s face, a trace of hurt darkening his features._

 

_“Is there somewhere you need to be?”_

 

_“No I just-” Lance pushed himself upright, blushing as he sat in just his boxers while Shiro was fully clothed. “I’m really excited to do this with you and you look like you’re about to piss your pants.”_

 

_“I’m not into that,” Shiro joked lamely, the corner of his mouth twitching up as Lance smacked him playfully on the arm. But it was obvious Shiro was tense, thinking too hard about what was coming next. Lance saw the tenseness in his jaw and the embarrassed flush across the top of his cheekbones._

 

_“Shiro. Do you want to sleep with me? Because you don’t have to. I promise I can get myself off if you want to go back to your dorm.”_

 

_“Lance, gross.”_

 

_“Hey it’s the truth!” He lowered his voice again and reached out to hold Shiro’s hand. “I’m not gonna make you fuck me. But if you want to, I definitely definitely am giving you the option. All systems go.”_

 

_Shiro let out a long breath and Lance watched Shiro’s eyes roam down Lance’s frame, taking in the curve of his waist and the tent in his boxers, almost all of his lithe, tan body on display. He’d seen most of it before but to have things laid out in front of him and time to savor it, that was a rarity in their busy schedules. That’s why they’d not been able to go any further until now._

 

_“Lance,” Shiro said softly, voice low and rough, the man unable to tear his eyes away from the tops of Lance’s thighs. “I have no issue fucking you.”_

 

_Lance let out a small whimper but Shiro quickly shushed him as he reached out a hand to trace a stretch mark that curved under Lance’s boxers high up on his inner thigh._

 

_“But what’s a lot harder is making love. I don’t want to fuck you, I’m want to make you feel adored. Cherished. And that, my beautiful boy, is going to take time.” Their eyes met again and Shiro leaned in and took Lance in a hot devouring kiss, pushing away any nerves and losing himself in the warmth and the comfort of Lance._

 

_Lance was breathless and wide-eyed when Shiro sat back, nodding absently and swallowing. “Alright.”_

 

_“Good,” Shiro gently pushed him onto his back against the small dorm bed, his hand trailing down from his chest to tease at the hardness in Lance’s thin pants. “Are you going to be patient for me?”_

 

_Lance let out a soft curse, his voice dropping low, and he nodded._

 

_“Yes Shiro.”_

 

_Shiro hummed and leaned down for another kiss as his hand eased into his boyfriend’s underwear to tease the pad of his thumb over the head of the omega’s cock._

 

_“I love you,” he smiled, pulling back to watch Lance’s body tense and shiver with each soft touch._

 

_“I thought- I thought you were nervous.”_

 

_“I am,” Shiro admitted with a laugh. “We’ve never done this before. Not all the way.”_

 

_“You’re nervous but you’re teasing me?” Lance accused breathlessly, arching his hips as he desperately tried to get some more friction._

 

_“The word you’re looking for is worshipping, my prince.” Shiro joked, eyes fond. “And loving you is the thing I know how to do best.”_

  
***

* * *

  
  
  
  


The three of them sat on the floor of Keith’s room, “neutral territory” Keith had insisted since as far as he could tell Shiro and Lance were the ones the most at odds. He was just stuck in the middle. Dangerously close to losing it all to save one of them from falling off the edge.

 

Lance was hugging his knees to his chest and picking at a loose thread poking out of his jacket sleeve, tired and sullen and not willing to be the first to speak. He’d already made his position clear. He didn’t want to try again. There was too much to risk. Why was he here? Why hadn’t Keith just taken the out and run off with Shiro?

 

Shiro shifted against the smooth floor and the sound of the fabric on metal was deafening in the silence of the room.

 

“So I just have one question I think,” Shiro said gently, turning his face to try and catch Lance’s eyes.

 

When Lance didn’t respond he sighed and glanced nervously at Keith.

 

“We were bonded, Lance. But then...why didn’t I have a mark? Did you not bond me?” His voice was something vulnerable and scared, fearing an answer he already understood.

 

Lance’s shoulders jerked up in a robotic shrug. “I couldn’t.”

 

“What do you mean?”

  


“You were always having medical exams and doing interviews and stuff. For the Kerberos mission. The medical staff and most of the senior flight officers saw you shirtless at least once a week. I couldn’t mark you without risking your career.”

 

Keith sat watching the exchange, his hands curled into fists, knuckles pressed hard against the floor so that he would stay quiet. This was their battle. Keith was good at fighting but he couldn’t fight for everyone.

 

“So...it was an open-ended bond?”

 

Those weren’t unheard of. Rarer, for sure, because they came with the connotation that one person wanted the bond more than the other.

 

“Yeah. But it wasn’t like that,” Lance said, finally glancing up for just a second. “You were always telling me you could hide it. That you wanted it.” his eyes flicked to Keith’s fists. “I wanted to but I knew I couldn’t. And it didn’t matter anyway in the end.”

 

“What end, Lance? There hasn’t been an end yet.”

 

Keith swallowed and shifted uncomfortably.

 

“What do you call that then?” Lance said, hand lifting to point at Keith and Shiro’s necks in turn, almost nonchalant. He wasn’t willing to open himself to any emotion other than emptiness.

 

“It’s…” Shiro looked at Keith and bit his lip, the pair of them communicating desperately through the silence. They’d been friends long enough it felt like they could read each other’s minds sometimes.

 

“It’s not an end,” Keith finished. “Just something different.”

 

“Yeah, cool.” Lance nodded. “Look I’m really beat and I hurt my ribs in the mission. I’m gonna go.”

 

“We’re not done talking.” Shiro said sternly, his eyes fixing Lance in place.

 

“Oh shut up,” Lance rolled his eyes. “You realize you guys are just shooting yourselves in the foot by talking to me. If you let me walk out that door you can have at it and honestly, I promise I won’t give a shit. I won’t say anything.”

 

“We don’t want to cut you out of it, Lance. That’s why we’re talking,” Keith grumbled, shaking his head. “We don’t _want_ to just cut you out of it and ignore the past, asshole.”

 

“It’s cute that you guys are saying ‘we’ now.”

 

“Stop fighting.” Shiro gave Keith a warning look and the beta raised his hands in the universal ‘it wasn’t me’ gesture.

 

“You hurt your ribs?” Shiro asked quietly, his hand cautiously stretching towards Lance. Too tired to keep being contrary Lance just nodded and wordlessly shrugged off his jacket. Underneath he was wearing the under-suit for his armor and after some fiddling he undid the zipper in the back and peeled it down far enough to reveal a few small bruises where the harness of his pilot’s chair had dug into him during some of the more aggressive crashes.

 

Shiro’s fingers reached out to touch, hesitating above the red splotched skin.

 

“Go ahead.” Lance said dully. “There’s nothing of mine that you haven’t touched before.”

 

Embarrassment, and misery collided on Shiro’s face like the Galra ships from their battle, an explosion of chaos without any sort of mercy. Keith stared at Lance but stayed quiet.

 

“I don’t think there’s anything to help it except time.” Shiro’s hand pulled away without ever making contact.

 

Lance laughed but it wasn’t a happy sound.

 

“Yeah? Time?”

 

“Yeah.” Shiro nodded. Lance left his flight suit pushed down, feeling the cool air of the ship against the top of his chest.

 

“Keith is right you know. We’re not going to leave you alone. Not...not unless that’s really what you want.”

 

“I don’t know what I want.”

 

“You don’t have to,” Keith said quickly. “But until you do we’re not gonna just run off and pretend that you’re not tangled up in this. Shiro and I may be bonded but...you’re in there too you know?”

 

Lance looked between the pair of them, the bonded mates who weren’t even touching, both of their bodies and eyes trained on Lance as if waiting for permission to breathe.

 

“Keith why the fuck is your emotional IQ so much higher than Shiro’s?”

 

Shiro let out a soft indignant sound and Keith smiled.

 

“I think that he lost it when he lost you.”

 

The short moment of ease faded and Lance watched the smile disappear off of Keith’s face. Keith had a nice smile. He could count on one hand the number of times he’d seen it.

 

“He hasn’t lost me.” Lance said finally, still looking at Keith and not Shiro.

 

“No?” Keith asked, keeping his voice even.

 

“I don’t know. I don’t think so.”

 

“Okay.”

 

Shiro’s hand reached out across the space between them again and after a moment Lance reached back, letting their fingertips bump into each other. They weren’t holding hands. Just touching. Just existing in the same space- something that had seemed impossible just a few hours ago.

 

Keith watched them touch and in the same instant he felt happy for them, he felt scared too. But he squeezed Lance’s shoulder and got up to kick off his boots.

 

They’d figure everything out. He didn’t know if that meant he’d get to keep the mark on his neck, the mark which had ached so sweetly the whole time he flew Red, or if it meant he’d have to live with giving up one or both of them. But no matter what at least he had this brief moment. This memory to hold onto. The three of them in his room. Quiet. Not happy but not unhappy either. Touching. Listening.

 

He wasn’t sure when two had become three in his mind. But when he looked over his shoulder again he knew that Lance and Shiro needed each other. And maybe, just maybe, they needed him too.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS I felt awful not updating, gosh I'm so sorry i don't know how two months got away from me so fast! Endless love and thanks to everyone who kept messaging me and sending asks and keeping me on my toes. There wouldn't be an update today unless you were all so incredible and uplifting <3
> 
> Thanks so much to everyone who entered my 500 follower giveaway on tumblr! (and to those of you who missed it, send your friends and I'll hold another giveaway at 1000 ;P ) I love you guys to death! keep sending feedback and prompts and that good good Shance content <3 I love y'all times a million xoxo
> 
> (P.S. I made a post about this on tumblr but if you've sent an ask and it was never answered it's likely because I have like 30 asks right now that are all incredibly sweet and sing my praises and I'm too embarrassed to publish them and look egotistical. But they're in my inbox and they make me smile and I'll be better about publishing them in the future)


	10. Chapter 10

Pidge drummed her fingers on Allura’s ship console, annoyance and worry radiating out from her in palpable waves. 

“Did you see them leave the hangar?”

Hunk shook his head, lip worried between his teeth. 

“I didn’t, but their lions are empty now, so they must have. Do you think they’re fighting…?”

“No I think they’re throwing a tea party,” Pidge snapped, idly playing with the display showing the castle’s coordinates. If she adjusted the monitor's settings the castle would be shown in pink and the surrounding celestial bodies would become 3-D, a method of alien graphics imaging she still hadn’t been able to reverse-engineer. 

Hunk wilted a bit at the comment and Pidge immediately felt guilty, turning and letting the console wink out. 

“Sorry. I’m just worried about Lance.”

“No, I get it,” Hunk agreed, rubbing anxiously at the scent gland at his wrist, a nervous tick he’d had since flight school. Pidge wrinkled her nose at the flood of alpha pheromones but politely ignored them in favor of watching Hunk’s face flicker through emotions she couldn’t entirely decipher. Protectiveness, anger, anxiety, empathy. He wasn’t one to guard his feelings and Pidge was always grateful that; she didn’t have to work to understand him. He was usually an open book. But in this instance, there was something deeper she couldn’t sense. 

Maybe it was just how much he loved Lance. It was common for the platonic bonds between alphas and omegas to be especially strong, a variation on mate bonding that tied two people together in mutual intimacy. It probably hurt Hunk to see Lance hurting as much as it hurt Lance.

“We should go find him,” Pidge decided, purposefully moving towards the door.

“We already checked his room,” Hunk said doubtfully, but his feet were obediently following Pidge.

“Let’s check again then. And...maybe we should check Shiro and Keith’s rooms too.” Suddenly Pidge stopped. “You don’t think Shiro is lecturing him right now, do you?”

“Why would he?”

“I mean, Lance kinda lost it on the mission today...and Shiro has never been one to not correct mistakes when he sees them…”

“If Shiro is reprimanding Lance for being emotionally vulnerable right now,  I’m going to strangle him,” Hunk said simply, pace quickening, his normally jovial face like stone. 

“Woah. Seriously?” 

Hunk glanced back and then looked a bit sheepish, an apologetic smile tugging at his full bottom lip. 

“Well...I mean I’d never actually strangle anyone, but if he thinks he’s allowed to say  _ anything  _ to Lance, he’s about to hear some...strong words.”

Pidge laughed, glad to relieve some of the nervous anxiety that had been building up in her stomach. “Yeah I’m with you there. This whole thing is shitty on like ten different levels and if we don’t fix it, the world will literally end because we won’t be able to form voltron and Zarkon will eat the earth.”

“Eat it?”

“Metaphorically. Whatever. I’m really stressed out.”

///

The two paladins checked Lance’s room for a second time and then shared weary glances. Finding nothing in Shiro’s room, they crept towards Keith’s. 

“Wait. I think I hear them,” Pidge whispered, squinting her eyes as if it would help her discern the soft voices through the thick metal door. 

“Do you think they’re ganging up on him?”

“Not for long.” After sharing a meaningful look with Hunk, Pidge defiantly pressed her palm to the door and it slid open with a loud click. As she did, a wave of noise came over them, Shiro’s raised voice, Keith yelling from the bathroom, the sound of running water. Lance’s jumpsuit lay crumpled on the floor near Keith’s bed but the paladin was nowhere in sight. 

 

Hunk’s eyes flashed in momentary rage as he smelled omega in the air. 

 

“What are you two doing?” he accused of Shiro, the only one in sight, who stood near

the dresser holding a plain black shirt and looking startled. “Where is Lance?”

“He’s in the bathroom,” Shiro said calmly, “I’m sorry, he was upset, and he wanted to-”

“It isn’t what it looks like,” Keith cut Shiro off, stepping into the room and closing the bathroom door behind him with a decisive click. “Lance wanted to clean up after the mission and he wasn’t feeling up to using the communal showers and mine has a private bath.”

“You have a bathtub?” 

“Why was Lance upset?”

Pidge and Hunk spoke at the same time, and Keith crossed his arms, his face a mask of disinterest.

 

“You mean other than the real reason Lance is upset? Like the life changing bondmark reason? I think he was bothered by my shampoo selection,” he said sarcastically. Shiro shot him a look and Keith held up his hands in exasperation as they had one of their silent eyebrow conversations. Finally Shiro turned to Hunk.

“We’re not hurting him. We haven’t touched him. He’s free to go whenever. But he wanted to be around us….I think.” 

“You think?”

“He’s not talking much.”

“Then you don’t get to decide what he’s not saying,” Hunk said, shaking his head in derision. He took a step further into the room and looked at the bathroom door. “Lance?” 

There wasn’t a response. 

Keith gave Hunk a look. “He’s showering, I think you guys should go.”

“I don’t exactly trust you guys to be good baby sitters at the moment.” 

“Fine. Then when he gets out of the shower we’ll tell him that you guys wanted to see him okay?” Keith looked agitated. “Quiznack forbid we try to actually fix anything on this fucking spaceship, I’d hate it if this group actually became functional or anything.”

“Keith!” Shiro gave him another stern look and the Beta fell silent. 

“We all want to make sure Lance is taken care of, we all really…we’re all protective of him.” Shiro’s face went red, with shame or with the struggle of not saying the word ‘love’, Keith wasn’t sure. He’d thought he was good at reading Shiro, but after this whole mess, maybe the only one who understood Shiro was Lance. How fucking ironic was that. It made him angry for reasons he didn’t want to talk about.

 

“Yeah but I don’t think the guy that broke his heart gets to play the protective card,” Hunk said quietly. “I may not have known that Lance was dating you back at the Garrison but...thinking back on it...he was happy. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him smile and laugh the way he did back then. And I’m not afraid to blame the fact he’s unhappy on you.” 

 

Shiro sucked in a breath and Keith stepped forward in defense.

 

“Shiro didn’t know! You don’t get to pretend like this was something he did maliciously! We didn’t know!”

 

“Guys!” Pidge sighed and stepped into the middle of the room, her body small but still an intimidating wall between the bickering group of males. “This is Lance’s business. This is Lance’s decision. I will kick both your asses if he gets any more hurt,” she pointed at Shiro and Keith, “and yours if you don’t let Lance explore his options,” she warned Hunk. 

 

The bathroom door swung open and Lance stood in the door frame, wearing what appeared to be Keith’s shirt and Shiro’s sweatpants. His eyes were still red from tears and his shoulders were curled in a little in exhaustion, but his lips were closer to his usual carefree smile than they’d been in days. 

 

“Thanks Pidgeon.” 

 

“Don’t mention it,” she mumbled suddenly embarrassed by her explosion of emotions. These stupid boys were infecting her with all of their sappiness. 

 

Lance’s gaze swept around the room and he let out a long breath. He still looked wrecked but a spark of fight was back in him, and it made everyone in the room stare in curiosity, wanting to know what he’d decide. 

 

“I’m going to go back to my room,” he said simply. “I’ll see you guys in the morning.” 

 

* * *

 

_ “You have a crush on that cadet. On Lance.” Matt accused, spinning in professor Alison’s chair with his head thrown back.  _

 

_ “What?” Shiro almost dropped the pen he was holding, glancing up from the stack of navigation assignments he’d been asked to grade.  _

 

_ “I saw you talking to him yesterday. You smelled like a middle school locker room afterwards. All hormones.”  _

 

_ “I don’t have a crush on Lance.” _

 

_ “Bullshit. You’ve never given private tutoring before.” _

 

_ “He...he needs the extra help and he’s willing to work hard to improve...I’ve only been a peer revisor for a semester it’s not like I’m bending some sort of iron law for him.” _

 

_ “Shiro,” Matt let out an irritated whine and sat up, arms crossed over his white tank top, officer’s jacket draped around his shoulders like a cape. “Come on. You don’t have to lie to me. I’m your best friend.” _

 

_ “I’m not lying,” Shiro sucked on the inside of his teeth, eyes darting back to the shaky calculus on one of the papers.  _

 

_ “You should make him brownies or something. Omegas are supposed to love sweets.”  _

 

_ “That’s a stereotype,” Shiro said boredly, “And I don’t know how to cook.” _

 

_ “What about flowers?” _

 

_ “I’m not trying to flirt with him, Matt.” _

 

_ “You could write him a poem! You wrote a poem for Missy in your first year and that went over pretty well!” _

 

_ Shiro rolled his eyes and angrily flipped to the next assignment on the stack.  _

 

_ “Drop it, Matt.” _

 

_ “He’s cute, I think you should pursue it. He clearly likes you. You just have to show him that you’re willing to put in some work too.” _

 

_ “I don’t like Lance” he repeated, but the words sounded lame even to himself.  _

 

_ “I’d go with something simple. Leave him some of your origami!”  _

 

_ Shiro let out an irritated huff and he picked up the answer key, crumpling it into a ball and throwing it into Matt’s chest without looking.  _

 

_ “Those are some sloppy folds Shirogane,” Matt chided, “You’ll never get yourself an omega like that.”  _

 

_ Shiro just groaned and dropped his head onto the desk, one hand reaching up to angrily brush through dark hair. Matt was the worst…. _ Did  _ Lance like sweets? _

 

* * *

  
  


On the first day after what became known as “the disaster mission”, Shiro and Keith agreed that they weren’t going to behave like they were bonded for so long as Lance was still trying to figure out what he wanted to do. 

 

“It’s not fair to him,” Shiro had argued quietly, looking at Keith both in longing and apologetic embarrassment, “If he wants to be with us then it can’t be like he’s just getting tacked on to a relationship that already has a bunch of history.” 

 

Keith felt like pointing out that if Lance decided to join them,  _ he  _ would be the odd one out, the one without the history. 

 

“Yeah. I know.”

 

“So we’ll just act like before, as friends, until he knows what he wants alright?”

 

“Right.”

 

“Why do you sound like that?” 

 

“Like what?” 

 

They were both in the kitchen, Keith taking his turn washing dishes while Shiro dried. Apparently even aliens hadn’t come up with a cleaning process that was any more efficient than a bit of elbow grease and a chore wheel. Shiro gave his mate a look.

 

“Like you’re angry.”

 

“I’m not angry. I just think that we’re being punished for not being able to read Lance’s mind.”

 

He also thought that Shiro was kidding himself thinking that there were two options. The way Shiro talked, he thought either Lance would join them and they’d all three build a relationship, or Lance wouldn’t and he and Keith would continue what they started. There was a third option, the mostly likely one in Keith’s opinion, which was Lance returning to Shiro and Keith being left out entirely. But Shiro apparently wasn’t acknowledging it. Not out loud at least. 

 

“That’s not charitable.” 

 

“I’m not charitable.”

 

Shiro put a stack of plates back in the cabinet with a little more force than necessary. 

 

“I just don’t think Lance is going to feel any better if he sees us sneaking into the same room every night.”

 

Keith felt like asking ‘what about me?’. Did it not matter that he felt better when he was with Shiro? He’d loved the man since the Garrison too. He had his bondmark. And even though he did have feelings for Lance and would definitely not be against sharing his life with both of them, he was used to being left behind and knew that before long it would be Lance and Shiro again with him on the sidelines. Sue him if he wanted to make the most of the time he had left with Shiro. 

 

“Yeah,” Keith said blandly, cranking the temperature of the sink up a little as he lifted a pan under the spray and let it fill. He watched the food goo lift off the surface and swirl un-appetizingly under the water’s pressure. 

 

Shiro studied Keith’s profile in concern. He could practically see the boy thinking too hard. He always clenched his jaw and hid behind his hair. But he’d offered his opinion and even if it was unpopular he wasn’t going to change it. 

 

“I’m going to go for a run,” he said finally, setting two glasses on the drying rack and wiping his hands. “I’ll see you later.”

 

“Later, Shiro,” Keith said, his voice too quiet to be heard over the spray of the sink. He finished his chore and then leaned against the counter, eyes closed. 

 

He hadn’t thought he’d cared about  _ anyone _ this much. That Shiro and Lance and their feelings were so important to him we was willing, no, more than that, preparing, to be miserable for their benefit. 

 

“Hey, Keith. Are you alright?”

 

Pidge’s voice cut through his brooding and as he looked over at her he could feel some of his tension draining away. 

 

“Hey.”

 

“Do you want to help me with the biokinetics?” She asked. Something in the phrasing struck Keith as unusual; normally her experiments were tested on demand and not by request. 

 

“I mean...not really,” he admitted, lifting one dark eyebrow.

 

Pidge sighed and crossed the room to get a drink of water. “Suit yourself. I just know that if I was in your position, I’d be in need of a friend right about now.”

 

Keith smiled a little and rolled his eyes.

 

“Yeah, yeah. And friendship requires me to get hooked up to another one of your torture devices?” 

 

“Just ask Hunk.”

 

* * *

  
  


It started with a little origami flower. The innocent gift was left outside of his door without ceremony and without a note. He supposed a note was unnecessary. It was the same sort of flower he used to find folded into the pages of his notebook after tutoring with Shiro. 

 

He bent down and cradled the delicate thing in one hand. It was folded out of white notebook paper that had been carefully hand patterned with blue dots, the edges a little ragged where the Alpha had torn it into a square.

 

Did Shiro remember that he’d given him these before? Or was this just such a base part of his personality that he would always give him these flowers, no matter how or where they’d met. Lance couldn't decide which answer he liked more. 

 

He smiled and left it on his bedside table before continuing on to training for the day. When he got back to his room that night there were three little frogs waiting to join the collection too.

 

And things continued like that. Shiro and Keith lit up whenever he entered a room, treating him respectfully but not gently. They still teased, sparred, and worked as a team- their romantic intent clear but never turning into something pitying. Lance kept hurting. Kept catching glimpses of their marks and feeling the tug of despair in his gut, but he felt better too. Better than before when he’d had his mark but Shiro hadn’t noticed him and he hadn’t noticed Keith. 

 

A week later was the first gift he thought was just from Keith. It was a rough sketch of Blue, the pencil lines shaky and without confidence but the figure still cute and identifiable. He hadn’t known Keith could draw. It joined his growing collection of things: small rocks from planets they’d visited, the origami, a hand sewn sleep mask, a lightbulb whose filament had burst and coated the inside of the glass with purple and blue. 

 

He was being courted.

 

The thought made something bubbly and light and long forgotten spark in his stomach and he had to force down his childish glee each time he came across one of the gestures. 

 

Two weeks passed. And then three. Alien flower petals. A delicate hair pin. Food goo “brownies”. More drawings of the team and of him. 

 

And then an invitation.

 

“ _ Lance. Allura says that we’re passing through a galaxy that’s known for its meteor showers and that we’ll be able to see them from the upper deck tonight. How do you feel about a picnic? ~ _ __ Keith and Shiro” _ _

 

* * *

  
  


_ “I didn’t know you were so forgetful,” Lance panted with a mischievous smile, passing Shiro a small pile of folded papers, his cheeks flushed in exertion. He’d run all the way to the library after his alarm didn’t go off, his clothing and hair disheveled. Normally he wouldn’t be caught dead looking so unkempt, but this was Shiro. He knew the older boy would never hold it against him. _

 

_ “Forgetful?” _

 

_ “You keep leaving stuff in my notebook,” Lance said, pointing at what he’d just slid across the table to his tutor. There was a small heap of folded paper flowers.  _

 

_ “Oh. Right. How silly of me,” Shiro agreed, his eyes wide and his face red.  _

 

_ “Are you feeling okay?” _

 

_ “Fine.”  _

 

_ Lance pulled out his laptop and booted up his navigation presentation, catching his breath as he squinted at the display.  _

 

_ “Anyway so this project…” _

 

_ Shiro barely heard a word the cadet said, watching his fingers dance excitedly across the keyboard and his blue eyes bounce around the room. He was such an energetic student, so eager to learn. He never understood how the teachers thought Lance was distracted on purpose. He just needed to be motivated in the right way.  _

 

_ The lieutenant sighed and leaned on one fist. Had Lance really thought he’d left those flowers behind by accident? Lance flirted with him left and right, did he not recognize flirtation when it was aimed at himself?  _

 

_ Apparently not. Maybe this was doomed to fail. He was going to stop trying to leave gifts and give Matt a piece of his mind. Lance wasn’t his to woo. And yet… _

 

_ He watched the morning light flooding in through narrow library windows and light up Lance’s dark skin in tones of gold. _

 

_ Even if this was doomed to fail he wanted to keep trying. _

 

* * *

 

Shiro stood in front of the mirror and carefully tried to arrange his white puff of hair, annoyed that the color change meant the tangles were pretty obvious. He finally gave up and went back to debating shirts. The black turtleneck or the charcoal long sleeve? 

 

“Shiro you look good, let’s go,” Keith stepped into the bathroom, looking equal parts bemused and impatient. 

 

“Good? Well you’re feeling awfully generous today aren’t you.” 

 

“You look incredible. Amazing. Gorgeous. Can we go now?”

 

Shiro laughed and gave Keith a gentle shove. 

 

“You’re just cranky because….” Shiro blushed, “Anyway, you’re right, we should go set up.”

 

Keith rolled his eyes but Shiro caught sight the edge of a smile as the boy turned away. 

 

They headed to the upper deck, stopping in the kitchen for the snacks Hunk had made them, (only after they’d sat through his very shy version of the shovel talk) then laid out the blanket and sat down the tray of food and a few pillows they’d stolen from the lounge, both of them buzzing with nervous energy. It was weird to be on a first date with another person. But it was nice too. 

 

“Do you think he’ll come?” 

 

Keith leaned back on his hands, letting his head fall back, dark hair rippling over his shoulders.

 

“I think he will. I have to hope so, anyway.” 

 

“And if he doesn’t?”

 

“Then...we might want to consider that he’s made his decision. I’m not here to wear him down or try and convince him to doing something he isn’t excited to do. If he doesn’t come to this, then we ease off. We wait to see if he approaches you.”

 

“Us.”

 

“Yeah, right.”

 

Shiro reached out, his hand brushing over his shoulder. Keith shrugged him away and Shiro reached out a second time.

 

“Keith are you-”

 

“Hey.” 

 

Lance stepped into the room, his blue eyes flicking between the two men and then to the layout of pillows and blankets on the floor across from a wide stretch of windows. 

 

“Lance,” Shiro breathed, his eyes roaming over the omega’s lithe body, dark skin visible through his thin white shirt. This whole abstinence thing between him and Keith was making it that much harder to be around Lance. “You came.”

 

“I’m no flake,” Lance said, faking confidence as he stepped forward and took a seat at the edge of the blanket. “Did Hunk make these?”

 

“Well Shiro definitely didn’t.” Keith said, shooting the alpha a teasing look. Lance laughed and picked one up, but he didn’t eat it right away. 

 

There was a moment of quiet.

 

“I liked your gifts.” Lance said finally, voice soft and clearly tentative. “They were really sweet...But you get that that’s not enough to make me trust you right?”

 

Shiro’s throat constricted.

 

“Of course not, we didn’t give them to you as a bribe, or to do the talking for us.”

 

“Yeah,” Keith echoed, eyes narrowed as he watched Lance pick at the corner of the baked good. 

 

“But I’m glad...they’re...I like them.” Lance shrugged and Shiro had to fight not to look delighted as a deep blush shaded Lance’s face red. “I like the attention. From both of you.”

 

“We’ll give you all the attention you want,” Shiro promised. Keith just nodded, trying not to feel jealousy as Shiro so eagerly lapped up every word that spilled like honey from Lance’s mouth. “Or we can leave you alone whenever you want,” he backtracked, “we’ll do whatever.”

 

Lance offered him a small smile.

 

“Thanks. That’s good...I like you, both of you.” 

 

Keith wondered how much of that sentence was just for show. A lie.

 

In the sky stretching out from the castle’s windows, small pinpricks of light rained across the sky, a shower of sparks and then a second. Distracted, Lance immediately moved forward to watch, as did Keith and Shiro, all of them relaxing more now that the attention wasn’t on them. The spectacle was beautiful, all golden shimmer and stardust. Keith watched Lance’s profile and wondered how much longer until he was sent away.

 

Shiro and Lance so clearly belonged together. They were soulmates. Even now they both had identical looks of wonder and love on their faces as they stared up at the night sky. 

 

Once at the Garrison Shiro had asked him why he wanted to be an astronaut. Keith had said he wanted to get away from Earth. He still remembered the surprised and hurt look on the older boy’s face. Clearly Shiro and Lance were stargazers and he was the runaway. 

 

Shiro’s arm tentatively curled around Lance’s shoulder and pulled him in, the omega receptively leaning into his chest. Keith hugged his knees and felt the bond mark like a brand. Something hot and painful that he didn’t deserve. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aahahha for like the ninth chapter in a row,,, I'm sorry for the wait! I really didn't realize how hard having a consistent update schedule would be so I've given up on that but am still trying to write for this whenever I can! Luckily finals are over and I'm about to move into my summer apartment! Plus, there are only a couple more chapters left to wrap things up! thanks to everyone for sticking with me so long, for all the sweet comments, and all of the encouragement. I have a lot more Voltron fics that will be in the works as soon as this one is done and I can't wait to share them with you guys <333

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! You know what I love? Making Lance suffer <3 
> 
> Much love to [my best bro](http://cupcakencosplay.tumblr.com) for always reading my stuff in progress and encouraging me to be productive.
> 
> And another thing because I'm assuming someone is going to ask: I began writing this before the canon age release and when I still understood the Garrison to be some form of post high school institution. I wrote this as all the characters being between the ages of eighteen and twenty-two. If you are still uncomfortable with the relationships than sorry bro but this fic is not for you. 
> 
> Please come scream at me on [tumblr](http://cate-with-a-c.tumblr.com) because lord knows I want another chapter to be written as much as you guys do but need some motivation to do it


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